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Who should get the room?

(553 Posts)
newhousenewrooms Tue 23-Jun-20 08:39:38

I've been lucky enough to inherit a house without having to lose any family members! Me and my partner are moving in soon with our 2 year old daughter and his two children age 8 and 9 will be staying 3 nights a week.

Partner won't be contributing towards any rent/mortgage as it is inherited so only need to pay the bills which we will split.

It's a 3 bedroom house, 2 decent size rooms and a box room. I think that our DD should have one of the decent size rooms as she is there 7 nights a week. DP thinks his children should have the bigger room because there is two of them.

We haven't argued about it as such, he owns his own house but rents it out and it is making me feel like the green eyed monster as it's my house and why should our DD have a smaller room when she lives there permanently? I have spoken to my family and his family and they all agree that it's unfair on DD but I can see his point about there being two of them.

So now I'm stuck on what I actually think!

We are currently living in my two bedroom apartment and when his children stay, me and DP sleep on a blow up bed in the living room and they have our bed.

AIBU?

OP’s posts: |
newhousenewrooms Tue 23-Jun-20 08:41:11

This is nothing against his children either before the step-parent police jump on!!

OP’s posts: |
peachypetite Tue 23-Jun-20 08:42:34

It’s your house, why is he dictating? confused

Flyingagainstreason Tue 23-Jun-20 08:42:42

How do 2 children practically fit in a box room?

newhousenewrooms Tue 23-Jun-20 08:43:29

@Flyingagainstreason bunk beds?

OP’s posts: |
WoWsers16 Tue 23-Jun-20 08:43:56

I'm with you- your DD should def get one of the bigger rooms - as she will always be there. You can get the smaller room set up beautifully for 2 now a days - make it a bit of a haven for them - but your DD should def get the bigger room and I would if I was in the same position xx

MairzyDoats Tue 23-Jun-20 08:44:13

What is the plan for where his children will sleep when they do stay with you then? Can the small room have bunk beds?

sqirrelfriends Tue 23-Jun-20 08:44:52

Is the box room big enough for two beds, or a bunk bed? If so, I think it's only fair that the bigger room goes to your DD as she lives there full time.

It's your house at the end of the day, if he wants his children to have a bigger room while they stay then maybe he should contribute towards a bigger home for all of you instead of gaining the rental income from his own house.

SoupDragon Tue 23-Jun-20 08:45:14

Can you actually fit 2 children in the box room? Are they the same sex?

I can see both sides TBH.

newhousenewrooms Tue 23-Jun-20 08:45:16

The small room is 2.25m x 2.19m if that gives any more perspective

OP’s posts: |
juneisbustingout Tue 23-Jun-20 08:45:51

I'd put the two year old in the box room
Children can manage with little space at that age. However the older children would be more likely to feel cramped.
Saying that, it's your house and only do what you won't end up feeling bitter about

PolPotNoodle Tue 23-Jun-20 08:45:59

peachypetite

It’s your house, why is he dictating? confused

It may be her house but it's everyone's home. This argument is akin to a landlord dictating (to use your word) who gets what room to his tenants.

OP, sell up and move to a house with more equitable space.

EverdeRose Tue 23-Jun-20 08:46:01

It's quite cruel to put 2 girls in a box room who are there for a decent amount of time a week. It's not like they only come for one night a week. While your daughter gets a much larger room for sole use.
I don't see how it will work in the long term anyway, in a few years time they're not going to want to sleep in bunkbeds.

I think if your committed to joining your family together in one house then you have to treat them equally. If your daughter is in the box room and the older two are sharing they all individually will get a similar amount of space each.

MairzyDoats Tue 23-Jun-20 08:46:11

It has to be said that the older children are the fewer toys they have or need these days... Whereas your toddler will have a lot more stuff and will likely need more space to play.

Flyingagainstreason Tue 23-Jun-20 08:46:15

I don’t know. 3 nights is half their time, so they are 50/50 basically and every place they live should be a home, not just somewhere they’re staying.

Your child is only 2 and a box room would mean nothing to them for a very long time.

Stompythedinosaur Tue 23-Jun-20 08:46:26

3 nights a week is nearly 50%. If you sdc only stayed occasionally I'd agree with you, but how are 2 dc meant to share a box room half the time?

I'd be particularly uncomfortable about how clearly they'd be the second class dc.

Chasingsquirrels Tue 23-Jun-20 08:47:25

His children (are they the same sex?) get the bigger room.
They are going to be there nearly half the time, it's not an every other week situation.
A 2yo spends almost no time in their room and doesn't need the space there, older children do.
Is selling both houses and buying a bigger one not an option?

TeenPlusTwenties Tue 23-Jun-20 08:47:42

What sex are the older children?
3 nights a week is a significant amount, not like it's an every other weekend situation.

Is there any chance of remodelling to even up room sizes?

If the older children are same sex I'd give them the bigger room at let your DD's stuff spill over the house. She won't be 'playing in her room' for a number of years, and when the older ones hit secondary they'll need somewhere to do homework etc.

If they are one of each, I'd be tempted to have your DD share the bigger room with the girl, and give the boy the box room. If you look forward 2 or 3 years I think you'd need to do that anyway. Have one corner of the bigger room 'set up' for the girl, with own storage and decoration.

SerendipitySunshine Tue 23-Jun-20 08:47:59

Is this a long term solution? Are the others boys? Will they fit in the bunk beds in 5 years time?

SoupDragon Tue 23-Jun-20 08:48:07

newhousenewrooms

The small room is 2.25m x 2.19m if that gives any more perspective

That's smaller than DS2's room and that was a squeeze. By the time you have bunk beds and storage there will be very very little floor space (if any!).

Cherrysoup Tue 23-Jun-20 08:48:28

Bunk beds, all the way. Your house, your dd, she’s there permanently, the others aren’t.

newhousenewrooms Tue 23-Jun-20 08:48:32

Yes I think I have a bee in my bonnet that he gets his rental income and isn't fussed on contributing towards a bigger home. Think the bedroom situation may be a red herring to the real situation!

OP’s posts: |
picklemewalnuts Tue 23-Jun-20 08:49:36

Two thoughts from me:

Can one share the big room with your DD? Bunk beds. That way everyone gets a decent shot.

Secondly, make sure you protect the value of your house in case of marrying or splitting up etc.

If he gets the rent from his house, and you are splitting the bills in your house, he is financially much better off. Who works?

peachypetite Tue 23-Jun-20 08:49:54

newhousenewrooms

Yes I think I have a bee in my bonnet that he gets his rental income and isn't fussed on contributing towards a bigger home. Think the bedroom situation may be a red herring to the real situation!

Yes it sounds like there are other issues going on here. Is he keeping all the rental income to himself?

quarentini Tue 23-Jun-20 08:50:14

Can they have the box room in the short term and their dad use his rent money to go into the loft to do them a bigger room ?

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