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To be annoyed at DP put downs

(27 Posts)
mims26 Tue 23-Jun-20 02:52:44

We were having a casual chat about my career change, he's always been supportive of whatever I do. I felt flirty and said imagine me dressed up as a secretary with those sexy glasses. He literally said "No, in reality you would have lost them"
Then I said something about my mobile phone and he again said "You're always losing that too"
Then went onto say how well I'd do in my new career and all of that.

I do always lose things, I lost both pairs of glasses and can never find my phone. However, AIBU to be annoyed at those comments?
I've realised he does this a lot , as a 'joke'. I normally don't get offended by it, I joke back but I think I've realised it's actually wrong?

OP’s posts: |
Monty27 Tue 23-Jun-20 03:28:15

Well take it on board.
Best of luck OP. It'll take adjustment probably but don't listen to the negative crap. smile

Cadent Tue 23-Jun-20 03:32:23

Are you always asking him if he's seen your phone / glasses? Because that can get very annoying.

My DH thinks I am the keeper of all his crap and it's maddening. Even if I know where he's put something I don't tell him where it is because he needs to be responsible for his own stuff.

If you don't do this, then is BU and is maybe feeling threatened by your new career?

Apple1029 Tue 23-Jun-20 04:35:06

If you are generally that careless I can imagine why he thinks so. A friend is the same. Lovely person but it's the first thing I think of because shes so careless. It's like what have you lost this time haha.

isabellerossignol Tue 23-Jun-20 04:46:48

I had to read this twice because at first I thought you said that he said you wouldn't do well in your new career and I was thinking that you were right, that was a put down and not very nice.

But when I read again and realised that he said you would do well in your career. Based on this one piece of information I don't think he has said anything terrible. If he'd said you'd never achieve anything because you keep losing your glasses that would be very different.

Aquamarine1029 Tue 23-Jun-20 04:54:02

How many times have you asked him to help find said glasses and phone? If it's a regular occurrence I'd be fed up too.

PhilCornwall1 Tue 23-Jun-20 05:01:45

There is nothing more annoying than someone constantly losing things or you seeing something that's been dumped somewhere and thinking, they'll be in a huff because they can't find that soon.

I get the piss taken out of me for being "an everything in its place" person, but at least I know where things are.

Instead of thinking it's a put down, maybe learn from it and put things where you'll know where to find them.

Bluntness100 Tue 23-Jun-20 05:08:22

I’m not sure this is a put down, it seems more a factual statement.

Do you ask him when you loose things? Because that’s death by a thousand cuts and annoying as hell. When my husband does it now I simply blank him or shrug.

Flyingagainstreason Tue 23-Jun-20 05:18:28

Sounds exactly like something I would say to someone as a joke if they constantly lost stuff.

ElizabethMainwaring Tue 23-Jun-20 05:22:48

I think that you are being incredibly over sensative.

ElizabethMainwaring Tue 23-Jun-20 05:30:15


ZaraW Tue 23-Jun-20 05:33:50

YABU and agree too sensitive.

Ohtherewearethen Tue 23-Jun-20 06:26:00

This presumably didn't come from nowhere. He didn't suddenly say, after 15 years I can't stand your hair. He's made a joke about the fact that you lose stuff constantly. He didn't respond to your flirty comment in the way you hoped and you now feel embarrassed or upset. To me this just sounds like normal couples banter. You admitted you always lose stuff. Maybe your carelessness isn't cute or sexy but actually extremely annoying to him and he's trying to let you know?

ShebaShimmyShake Tue 23-Jun-20 06:30:19

I thought the first comment about wearing sexy glasses and losing them was quite funny. If you really do lose these things then I don't think the comments were cruel.

I wouldn't be upset about this but if you are then he should stop. If he really does mean them in a loving, teasing way then he won't want to do anything that does actually upset you.

OutOfHours Tue 23-Jun-20 07:47:42

I thought the first comment about wearing sexy glasses and losing them was quite funny.

Me too smile

Darkestseasonofall Tue 23-Jun-20 07:57:46

I don't understand how you've been left annoyed by this.
You lode things a lot, he made a joke about it. He wasn't spiteful or nasty.
Maybe you feel embarrassed that you were trying to flirt and he didn't engage?

DuineArBith Tue 23-Jun-20 08:09:13

I suspect he's trying to hint gently that you need to sort out your belongings better.

Lanurk Tue 23-Jun-20 10:12:47

I’m confused as to why you’re upset? I’m scatty af with my glasses so I know a bit of teasing is to be expected.

JustC Tue 23-Jun-20 10:55:07

I really see it as a joke. But than me and DH do take the mic out of eachother fir a smile. Not in a mean spirited/offensive way. Personally I think you are over reacting.

pinkyredrose Tue 23-Jun-20 10:59:09

Nothing to be upset about. It's quite annoying when someone continuously loses things, try and be more responsible maybe?

Pineapple1 Tue 23-Jun-20 11:01:30

Sounds like your finding fault in nothing.

Ellisandra Tue 23-Jun-20 11:08:20

Is this the only thing he teases you about?
I am known in my family for having boiled both rice and pasta to the point of being inedible. Sometimes, the jokes get a bit old. But it is the “thing” I’m teased for. Nobody says it maliciously. What about him? Is there more than this? Is it mean spirited?

Ellisandra Tue 23-Jun-20 11:10:28

I think what matters, is how you think he’d react if you told him the lost things jokes were getting old and made you feel shit.
If I told my husband to stop mentioning my rice disaster, he wouldn’t accuse me of a sense of humour failure - he’d be a bit bemused that I was bothered, and say - OK.

Shinyletsbebadguys Tue 23-Jun-20 11:28:16

Like others have said it depends on how things are said , my DP might say the same in this situation but he would be right and would mean it and say it gently. I'm also crap at directions (or any form of geographical ability of any description) but I'm amazing at a lot of things which he will also shout about so to speak. He thinks I can negotiate any contract ever within seconds flat but that I have a complete inability to hoover. Does he say nice things as well?

ImaginaryCat Tue 23-Jun-20 11:41:05

I regularly make jokes to DH about him breaking stuff. It's my passive aggressive way of telling him his carelessness with his and other people's property grinds my gears and would definitely be cited in my defence case for murdering him.

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