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Guys who say 'I need a woman who can challenge me'

(270 Posts)
Stella8686 Mon 22-Jun-20 20:00:11

Is this ever a good statement? Do men think that women find it an attractive profile line?

Is it just me who reads it as
'I wore down my ex so much that she died a little inside and never spoke up for herself, therefor it's her fault the relationship broke down'

Extreme example above but AIBU to discount guys who say this (online) does anyone like this statement?

OP’s posts: |
bubbleup Mon 22-Jun-20 20:01:55

It means I'm a dickhead and if you don't give me exactly what I want, whenever I want it then it's your fault my attention has wandered.

Stuff that

SignOnTheWindow Mon 22-Jun-20 20:09:29

Run like the fucking wind from any man who says that.

BrightYellowDaffodil Mon 22-Jun-20 20:10:18

I read that as “I’m spoiling for a fight and I’ll make sure I win so my woman knows her place”.

I’d run like the wind from someone who said that.

BlessYourCottonSocks Mon 22-Jun-20 20:12:35

Yeah. That would be a no from me.

Only dickheads come out with this kind of stuff.

DisobedientHamster Mon 22-Jun-20 20:14:12

Run. Ditto anyone who says 'I'm looking for someone to make me a better man' (pull your head out, be an adult and do it for yourself) or 'I'm old-fashioned'.

Smidge001 Mon 22-Jun-20 20:16:10

How odd. I would have read it completely differently.

To me, if they say they want a woman who'll challenge them, they mean they don't just want a doormat who doesn't think for herself, and is just a yes-woman.

To me it sounds like a good thing for a man to say in a dating profile.

ShebaShimmyShake Mon 22-Jun-20 20:16:40

It means "I like to think I want a spirited and feisty woman but in fact I'm so insecure in my masculinity that I might as well have a neon light over my head that says, "I HAVE A PENIS, PLEASE ACKNOWLEDGE". The second a woman shows any hint of independent personality, I am struck with gibbering terror. I will never find your clitoris even if you give me Ordnance Survey co-ordinates for it and I'll pick fights for no reason because that's the kind of twat I am."

Hope that helps.

Stella8686 Mon 22-Jun-20 20:17:01

Yes! It's so frustrating, we had been chatting for a couple days when he pulled that one out of the bag. But it's on guys profiles too. Do they think they sound good saying it! At least it's a good warning sign!

Any other good ones from anyone?

OP’s posts: |
Smidge001 Mon 22-Jun-20 20:17:16

Also that they want someone who can hold a conversation etc. I definitely read it as a good thing! I'm clearly in the minority here though...

AnyFucker Mon 22-Jun-20 20:17:33


Ellisandra Mon 22-Jun-20 20:18:31

50% chance they’re common or garden dickhead for all the reasons others have started.

50% chance they’re woke dickhead and think it means women will actually be impressed.

Pinkblueberry Mon 22-Jun-20 20:18:50

I’ve not heard that one, not really sure what that’s supposed to mean confused
Sounds like someone who usually treats his girlfriends like shit, but blames that on them and their inability to challenge him instead of the fact that he’s simply a dickhead.
Men like that should just stay single.

BrightYellowDaffodil Mon 22-Jun-20 20:19:04

'I'm old-fashioned'.

Even worse if they refer to themselves as “a gent”

Ninkanink Mon 22-Jun-20 20:19:28

It absolutely can be a good thing. It can also be a red flag.

My DH is fiercely intelligent and so am I. I challenge his thinking all the time and he, mine. I wouldn’t be able to respect a man who couldn’t take opposition and I certainly wouldn’t want to be with a man who couldn’t have a robust discussion.

MaeDanvers Mon 22-Jun-20 20:22:27

Did you ask him to explain what he meant by it?

BombyliusMajor Mon 22-Jun-20 20:22:58

This is a dig at the women he’s been in failed relationships with, who he’s decided in his bitterness were all stupid, or shallow, or unsophisticated, or otherwise unworthy of him and that’s why it didn’t work out. Almost always means he’s an argumentative shit with an anger management problem who cannot bear to be wrong.

Sparticuscaticus Mon 22-Jun-20 20:23:50

Yes, swipe left!!!

It says what you think it does! But it could also say...

I am opinionated and enjoy mind twisting arguments which I will win at all costs ...

I expect my woman to cope with my drama as I have no social awareness or when to stfu so prepare to be continually mortified

I drink too much alcohol and am belligerent

I am demanding and will have expectations of you to make my life more interesting because I'm an intellectual which I will remind of you frequently even though my degree is in Latin and no one G.A.F

I will put you down any opportunity I get by saying I'm used to someone more dynamic/intellectually challenging/just more... as I sit on the sofa stuffing my face and shouting at the telly (Channel 4 drama of course)

I am a bully and I've been told so

Sparticuscaticus Mon 22-Jun-20 20:25:04


This is a dig at the women he’s been in failed relationships with, who he’s decided in his bitterness were all stupid, or shallow, or unsophisticated, or otherwise unworthy of him and that’s why it didn’t work out. Almost always means he’s an argumentative shit with an anger management problem who cannot bear to be wrong.

^ This

AnyFucker Mon 22-Jun-20 20:25:30

"Fiercely" intelligent. What does that even mean ?

Ferocity implies aggression to me.

HappyDinosaur Mon 22-Jun-20 20:25:52

Think my DH would say that, as would I about him. We'd mean it as in being able to debate and enjoy discussing things from different angles etc and not being doormats all the time. Not a 'yes' person. I suppose it could mean other things though, it doesn't seem to have one accepted meaning.

Institutkarite Mon 22-Jun-20 20:26:43




Dollyparton3 Mon 22-Jun-20 20:26:56

I dated someone years ago who came out with this. By "challenge" he meant a woman who had drive who would keep him on his toes. Within 2 weeks I finished it because he wanted me at his beck and call and couldn't understand that I had something already planned like, 3 nights a week with a busy job and hobbies having been single for a couple of years and coping very well thank you very much.

tara66 Mon 22-Jun-20 20:27:28

OK for someone under 25 I suppose. Perhaps it's a running, cycling thing?

SuperFurryDoggy Mon 22-Jun-20 20:27:41

I think it means “I’ve watched too many films and want a Manic Pixie Dream Girl to sweep in and selflessly guide me towards fulfilling my unrealised dreams.

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