Aibu to think I don't love my boyfriend anymore

[cupofteaaa]

I know I love him but I don't know if I'm in love with him. Sorry for the cliche.

We've had a baby 7 months ago and since then it's just changed. Our relationship isn't loving or affectionate we just exist and look after baby. We've only been together around 3 year and he's ten years older than me but that's never been a problem before.

It's hard to explain how I feel. I feel like I don't care about kissing and cuddling him and I find myself snapping at him. If I ask him to do anything he gets mad that I speak to him like I'm his mum or I'm moody etc.

He's just as bad as he's so miserable and although fantastic with our baby, he's so irritating when it comes to cooking and cleaning. If he does anything around the house, he has to be praised and feels like he deserves a free pass either to go to his mates or to not help with babies bed time.

Since our baby, I don't feel attracted to him. I used think he was the most beautiful man and now, whilst I know he's attractive, I don't feel that sexual impulse or butterflies. I don't want to break up but I've felt like this for 7 months now and it's not getting better.

I know I love him but did anyone else fall out of love after baby? Does it get better? Should I stay and work at it or is it time to accept our relationship has run its course? Any advice welcome please

[Spottybluepyjamas]

I think that's really normal after having a baby - my 'baby' is now 18 months and I feel like it only started getting back to normal when he turned 1. The first year (I feel anyway) is so admin based - you're just trying to survive amongst the complete life change that you've just gone through, not to mention the tiredness. I think it will get back to normal again, but maybe a different kind of normal.

I don't think mine and my husband's relationship will ever be the same as it was pre-baby, but it's definitely settled into something loving and lovely again, but definitely not as exciting - and I've made my peace with that. When our son was under a year I looked at our text messages to each other and it was depressing - everything was just admin ('can you bring a bottle up' or ' can you put a wash on' etc etc) and EVERYTHING he did wound me up, but now thank goodness it's a lot better. If you can, try to make a bit of time for each other, I know it's limited with what you can do at the moment, but cook a nice meal together, play board games, or whatever else you were into together before you became parents, and try to avoid talking about the baby. That worked for us, but it did take time to feel normal again - and I think that in itself is totally normal too.

Hope you're ok

[JustC]

Well I would say being all lovey dovey falls on the back burner for quite a while after having a baby. But you also should try and be more understanding to eachother. You won't always remember, but give it a try. Have a chat, teamwork and all that.

[Lancrelady80]

For a while even oh breathing pissed me off! A baby changes EVERYTHING and it becomes about survival and existence. Agree with pp saying it settles back into loving, but in a less infatuated way, for want of a better word (sorry, it's an appalling choice but can't quite put my finger on a better one.)

Give it time. You say you still love him, so don't write it off yet. Do try to get some couple time if you can (always hard, esp with CV.) Try to remember that as well as parents and a couple, you're also friends. Keep that in mind when really wound out and think "would I say this/react like this to any of my other friends?"

Are you on mat leave? Is that potentially where issues about housework etc have come from, if you're at home whilst he's been working (assuming he has.) The working partner so often just does not get how much you actually do on mat leave! Try having a conversation about how stuff like that is going to work now things have changed - his house too, so if you're on baby then he has to do his share of housework and vice versa.

But if you can, hang on in there.

[Blanca87]

It sounds like his lack of involvement is making him really unattractive. To be fair I wouldn't want to pump someone who wanted a Blue Peter badge every time they changed a nappy or hoovered. Yuk.

[FurbabyLife]

We've had a baby 7 months ago and since then it's just changed. Our relationship isn't loving or affectionate we just exist and look after baby

This is normal. This is what you’ve both signed up for by having a child.