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Weird gaslight-y thing from visiting male friend...

(249 Posts)
Margerine78 Mon 22-Jun-20 19:30:49

I already know IANBU and my ‘friend’ behaved badly but this post is more for my sanity…

Has anyone read ‘Flowers in the Attic’ and do you agree there’s a subtle storyline about the brother and sister having an incestual relationship. I mean, the sister is pregnant with her brother’s kid in the prequel so…Sorry for the dark book choice but it came up in conversation somehow and my friend point-blank told me I was wrong as he couldn’t remember it happening.

This friend stayed over (support bubble thing) this weekend, I was so looking forward to it after being on my own all lockdown, but he spent whole weekend telling me I was wrong about literally everything - books (as above), films, TV series, how I washed up, how I cooked, how I mixed drinks, my music taste, even how my oven worked! He's normally a nice guy but he turned into a chauvinistic arrogant, argumentative and gaslighting douche this weekend when I most needed to have nice company.

For some reason the book thing pissed me off the most as instead of admitting he may have missed that subtext as he read it 20 years ago and taking my word for it as someone who reads a lot, he instead spent hours making me feel like I imagined it and I’m losing my mind!

OP’s posts: |
Margerine78 Mon 22-Jun-20 19:33:15

Sorry, above is meant to say the book's sequel not prequel....(meaning unless it was divine intervention something had to happen in the first book!)

OP’s posts: |
Flyingagainstreason Mon 22-Jun-20 19:34:06

How bizarre
The incest thing is the only thing I remember from that book!
Have you ever spent time with him like this before? I mean in reality he’s just shown you his true colours and you probably don’t see that in normal circumstances.

I hope he is just a friend! Don’t have a relationship with this man

gassylady Mon 22-Jun-20 19:34:45

He sounds like k**b - not nice person (excuse my phone that won’t do strikethroughs)

ChipotleBlessing Mon 22-Jun-20 19:35:04

It’s hardly a subtext. It’s the main theme of the book.

WinningEveryDay Mon 22-Jun-20 19:35:07

That's not gaslighting, that's just disagreeing with you.

HugeAckmansWife Mon 22-Jun-20 19:35:13

It's not subtle. The sex scene is described if I recall correctly. And he sounds like a knob who's had too much time in his own head, winning every argument. Did you challenge him on any of it?

PetraDelphiki Mon 22-Jun-20 19:35:32

Oh yes not a subtle storyline at all - no idea how anyone could have read that book and missed it!!!!

Ellisandra Mon 22-Jun-20 19:35:49

Well, you’re completely unreasonable to use words like subtext and subtle! That was one of the major, obvious, themes of the book!

I don’t know that it’s gaslighting, so much as being an argumentative dick 🤷🏻‍♀️
Cut him loose!

SteppingDown Mon 22-Jun-20 19:36:15

Sounds like maybe he has spent too much time on his own too and therefore decided he is right on everything. Weird behaviour though if previously he wasn't an arse.

Ellisandra Mon 22-Jun-20 19:36:34

grin not the first to say it wasn’t subtle then 🤣

cardibach Mon 22-Jun-20 19:36:51

YABU unreasonable to say it’s a subtle storyline. It’s blindingly obvious.
Your friend is either an arse or unable to read for meaning.

Flyingagainstreason Mon 22-Jun-20 19:36:59

If a person has spent too much time on their own thinking about flowers in the attic then o would sleep with a knife under my pillow in their company!!

Thingsdogetbetter Mon 22-Jun-20 19:38:02

He's been on negging pick up sites and is practising! Or being passive aggressive cos he thought sex was part of the weekend and he can't beliypu didn't throw yourself at him. Either way he needs his bubble burst (see what I did there! Lol)

Betteb Mon 22-Jun-20 19:38:18

It wasn't a subtle storyline, your "friend' sounds like a knob.

Thingsdogetbetter Mon 22-Jun-20 19:39:12

*can't believe

Letthemysterybe Mon 22-Jun-20 19:39:13

Er yes , I don’t think I have even read the book but I know it has incest in it.

Sounds like he was in one of those bad moods where everything other people do is annoying. Not a nice way to behave , but lockdown isolation and stress has sent some people loopy.

JustHavinABreak Mon 22-Jun-20 19:40:13

Isn't that a bit like saying there's a subtle murder theme in an Agatha Christie novel? I thought that was THE theme in Flowers in the Attic, a warning about what happens when you lock up siblings in the attic for years at a time confused

exexpat Mon 22-Jun-20 19:41:31

Send him the wikipedia link - The depiction of incest between an adolescent brother and sister in the novel has led to its being banned in certain areas at different times. I don't understand why you didn't look up some proof to show him when he was with you.

Then demand an apology, tell him what an arse he was over the weekend and ask if there is a reason why he was behaving like that?

If you are really good friends, the friendship will survive a bit of honesty. If it doesn't, you have just lost the company of someone who will carry on annoying you for ever.

SavoyCabbage Mon 22-Jun-20 19:42:55

In the prequel it’s revealed that the parents were also related wasn’t it? They were brother and sister as well. Or half brother and sister.

The incest was why the grandmother locked them in the attic in the first place.

pallisers Mon 22-Jun-20 19:43:19


It’s hardly a subtext. It’s the main theme of the book.


Aren't you glad he is just a "friend" you can easily limit contact with. Imagine being married to him.

Generateusername Mon 22-Jun-20 19:43:52

I haven’t read it since 1985 but even as a young teen that was blindingly obvious to me!

HollowTalk Mon 22-Jun-20 19:44:47

Of course you are right, but why didn't you just look it up on your phone and bang him on the head with it?

Sounds as though lockdown's brought out the worst in him. You won't have to see him again, will you?

I wouldn't be able to resist sending him a link to the book.

IamHyouweegobshite Mon 22-Jun-20 19:45:26

Flowers in the Attic was definitely incestuous. I remember reading this and thinking urgh couldn't possibly go with my brother, no matter what!

Samtsirch Mon 22-Jun-20 19:46:22

Unless he is confusing the book with another one, it sounds as though lockdown has had an extremely negative effect on him and he was desperate for an argument.
I would avoid him for the time being.

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