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What’s the point in sending someone a birthday card late

(23 Posts)
Samsen Mon 22-Jun-20 16:52:47

AIBU to wonder why certain family members of mine cannot seem to manage to send cards on time. To be honest it’s my dh’s family not mine, my family are always on time with cards. I know it’s nothing major in the grand scheme of thing but it does wind me up. My eldest dc is 16 and my SiL has never given him a card on time and the same with my dd who’s 12. She always says she has no money but every year I tell her she does not need to put a penny in their cards and never feel like I expect this as I don’t and neither do my kids. She always says she’ll call round with their cards but this year she brought my dd’s card when she super fly managed to call round (a day late) with my ds’s card. Their birthdays are 3 months apart! She’s the same at Christmas to. I always make sure her 3 kids get Christmas cards and also their birthday cards on time yet SiL always makes excuses. You can by a card for 50p these days. Is it just that she can’t be arsed do you think? My dh’s parents were always really good getting our kids cards and for mine and dh’s birthday. But this year I didn’t even get one, my ds’s was late and it was my dh’s birthday over a week ago and he hasn’t had a card either. I know it’s only a card but to me a card says I’m thinking of you on your birthday or just happy bloody Christmas etc. I’d rather have a card on time with no money in (for my kids) than a card 2/3 months late with money in, as obviously the cards won’t even be put up. Like I said my family always manage to give them on time so it’s a bit annoying. Especially since my in-laws always moan that we didn’t get them a card for their wedding anniversary but I don’t do anniversaries and don’t even get a card for my parents. Oh and they always causally remind me not to forget one of our nieces birthdays, which is infuriating as their birthdays are etched into my memory and I have never forgot to get them a card and present. Like I said compared to current situation I know i might come across as being petty but I’m sick of always being the one who makes the effort when other people don’t.

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AryaStarkWolf Mon 22-Jun-20 16:55:14

Honestly couldn't get worked up over this

Samsen Mon 22-Jun-20 16:56:49

I know I shouldn’t really. But it’s all the god damn time. Neither me or my dh are materialised we don’t expect presents off anyone not even for special birthdays. But seriously a card. It doesn’t take that much effort really does it.

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Samsen Mon 22-Jun-20 16:57:04

Materialistic that should say.

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LadyMonicaBaddingham Mon 22-Jun-20 16:58:49

I hear you. My DB never remembers to send cards on time, or at all to me, DH or our boys. I send to him, DSIL and DNieces on time without fail. DM is full of excuses for him because he's a man 'ooh, he's so busy', 'he's got so much on', 'he had a headaches two months ago. I get reminded repeatedly about family birthdays despite the fact I've never missed one!

Samsen Mon 22-Jun-20 17:00:15

It’s annoying isn’t it.

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FunTimes2020 Mon 22-Jun-20 17:08:21

I totally agree with you OP. It shows a lack of thought or care, especially for the children, like they aren't valued enough. Perhaps your DH should raise it with his sibling?

FunTimes2020 Mon 22-Jun-20 17:11:30


Honestly couldn't get worked up over this

Such an overused and irritating reply. I doubt you'd say this in real life if there was a discussion about this subject. If you did, other people would no doubt consider you quite rude 🙄

Prayerwheel Mon 22-Jun-20 17:14:12

Because the sentiment and the enclosed money, if any, is the same on June 2nd as on June 1st? Because a card and a £20 don't evaporate at midnight on the birthday day like leprechaun gold?

Samsen Mon 22-Jun-20 17:15:36

My dh doesn’t really see the issue. He is laid back, more than I am, and he gets on well with his family so wouldn’t want to rock the boat by mentioning this to them.

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Samsen Mon 22-Jun-20 17:18:08

But I don’t think it is. If it was every now an again then I wouldn’t even think anything of it. But it’s been more or less every birthday since my kids were born that my SiL has rice then their card late and it’s getting more often with dh’s parents.

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CHIRIBAYA Mon 22-Jun-20 17:25:32

We all have our bugbears and late cards is one of mine. I would rather not receive one at all than receive one late. If it didn't matter we would all be buying our Christmas cards in the sales and sending them in the New Year!

RedskyAtnight Mon 22-Jun-20 17:32:04

I don't see the point of sending cards at all, but surely the point is to say "I was thinking of you". Which is a valid sentiment whether 2 weeks early or 3 weeks late. Better to send one late than not at all, surely?

Samsen Mon 22-Jun-20 17:32:25

Yeah. I get that life gets in the way sometimes and maybe people can’t get a card to you on the day. But this happens all the time and like I said sometimes it’s weeks and months late. I’d feel embarrassed to send someone a birthday card months late.

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Samsen Mon 22-Jun-20 17:33:08

See now to me sending someone a card months late means yeah I couldn’t be bothered to get it to you on time.

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Mmmmdanone Mon 22-Jun-20 17:35:23

My in laws are like this. They never buy a stamp so you'll get a card when you see them. My dh just got a card for his birthday yesterday. Which was in February 😂

Runnerduck34 Mon 22-Jun-20 17:47:35

A birthday card that arrives more than a few days late is pointless and is all about the giver making themselves feel better rather than the recipient. Mind you my kids would love birthday money no matter when it arrived!
DH family is like this too, frequently forget my kids birthdays , i can't help but find it a bit hurtful and annoying as i always remember nieces and nephews birthdays. Also get the situation where they will remember one childs birthday and send birthday money then completely forget second childs birthday a month later and they'll get zilch, and they are teenagers so do notice!

VeryQuaintIrene Mon 22-Jun-20 17:54:50

Personally, I don't mind in the least getting late cards, and especially late presents, as it prolongs the birthday spirit and shows people they were thinking of me, if not the actual day that they should have been! And I just turned 56!

nettytree Mon 22-Jun-20 18:06:25

My sil went bat shit crazy at my hubby on Sunday when the card we posted last Tuesday didn't arrive in time for their father's day. Post is all up the wall at the moment.

Villanemme Mon 22-Jun-20 18:20:43

So they get upset because you 'don't do' anniversaries and you get upset because they 'don't do' birthday cards on time. Different strokes for different folks

StarScream22 Mon 22-Jun-20 18:24:25

I very rarely send cards. And when I do they’re usually late. grin

Palavah Mon 22-Jun-20 18:24:34

If she didn't care she wouldn't bother at all.
If you think she's that hard up and you're not interested in the money then have you thought of a way of getting the money back to her?

HellSmith Mon 22-Jun-20 18:31:38

I don’t mind a late card it’s a nice surprise. Although it’s all text, & phone calls these days which I find much better. Just start sending their cards late.

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