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That it is too early to be guilt tripped about Christmas?

(34 Posts)
Dangertime Mon 22-Jun-20 15:26:51

Just that. I've divorced parents (both happily remarried, split 25 years ago). I'm married with a DS. This year is DS first xmas. I'm annoyed to already be asked about xmas plans and guilt tripped that its my DFs "turn".

I dont want to do turns. I want to do what makes sense every year. This year it makes sense to go to my DM and also see DHs family who live nearby. Shouldnt require guilt trip... 6 months out??

OP’s posts: |
slipperywhensparticus Mon 22-Jun-20 15:33:34

Can't you do Christmas alone and give them a visiting "slot" it's what I do

Purplehairyphone Mon 22-Jun-20 15:35:42

With it being baby's first Christmas, could you start a new tradition of one year at home just you, DH and baby before alternating DM and DF the next year? It would be a 3 year rolling cycle instead. Although it is then tricky with DH family too. It is our baby's first Christmas this year and we are taking this year to put a stop to the merry go round on the 25th. Instead, we'll alternate Boxing day with families but insist on the 25th being the 3 of us.

JellyBabiesSaveLives Mon 22-Jun-20 15:36:56

“Dad, of course we’ll celebrate a Christmas Day with you! Would you like the 12th or the 19th of December?”

Definitely no “turns”. Point out that if you take turns, you get a turn where you choose, so does dh, mil, Fil, ds, future babies. So he gets one turn every 7 or 8 years ...

Now is a great time to talk about Christmas though. Tell him how it’s going to be and he should be done sulking by Christmas.

SnuggyBuggy Mon 22-Jun-20 15:47:34

Don't get involved in turn taking, it can be difficult to get out of once you start

Orangeblossom78 Mon 22-Jun-20 16:19:57

You could use this virus as an excuse to not be able to make plans for now perhaps

peachypetite Mon 22-Jun-20 16:21:29

You’ve got a baby now so why can’t you stay at home?

GrannyBags Mon 22-Jun-20 16:23:55

First Christmases are the best time to start a new tradition. My wonderful SIL started the tradition of ‘small children should always have Christmas in their own home’ which I was happy to join in with two years later when my son was born. If distance is an issue then have Christmas with parents the weekend before/after.

IwishIhadaMargarita Mon 22-Jun-20 16:27:18

Don’t start traipsing all over the place. Your ds should be at home and relatives come to you.

We don’t do all this as it gets out of hand. Dh is an only child and mil is widowed so of course we have to have her. My brother moved bank on with my mum after his relationship broke down. My mil can’t cook unless it’s a pierce film job or toast. My mums house is filthy (I have no idea why they haven’t got dysentery) and DH is fussy, so we stay home and anyone who wishes to comes here.

Sunnydayshereatlast Mon 22-Jun-20 16:27:42

Imo /e dc should have Xmas in their own home. What dc wants to spend precious toy playing hours stuck in a bloody car to pacify GROWN UP people??
Seriously op offer up dates /times they can all visit you over the festive season - about 2 weeks isn't it? Only you and dh get 'dibs' on seeing dc on the 25th.
Alternatively they can choose to flounce (fuck) off.

PumpkinPie2016 Mon 22-Jun-20 16:29:19

Personally, I'd go for staying home and them visiting if they wish.

Aside from that, it's way to early to think about Christmasshock we've not even had summer yet!

WitchDancer Mon 22-Jun-20 16:29:38

Do yourself a favour and start your own family Christmas tradition - it's much nicer to not have to clock watch and not have to herd the family from one place to another, when all the kids want to do is play with their new toys and watch a film they like.

JustC Mon 22-Jun-20 16:31:31

I could not be botheed with a new baby, and would prefer to just do our little thing. That way you can visit both of them on diff days.

mbosnz Mon 22-Jun-20 16:31:43

I started off that we'd go to DH's family one year, then my family one year. That was pre-kids.

After kids, initially I said we'd do the above, then one year at ours.

Then I got so pissed off with the bloody lot of them I said, right, we're doing Christmas at ours, whoever wanted to come was welcome, so long as they'd behave thembloodyselves with whoever else was there. And if they didn't they'd be told to sling their hook.

NopeNotToday5 Mon 22-Jun-20 18:07:28

I'd stay at home. This is what me and my partner have done since our son was born. If people want to visit then we tell them a time convenient to us. I believe children should be home Christmas day with new toys ect...

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz Mon 22-Jun-20 18:09:34

Stay home.

We are having our first Christmas Day at home this year. I've not told anyone yet.

Family are welcome to visit on either Christmas Eve or Boxing Day.

Piffle11 Mon 22-Jun-20 18:13:26

Stay at home and do what YOU want. As soon as we had DC1 we made a point of not doing ‘turns’. When I was a child, I hated being dragged around different grandparents on Christmas Day. I wanted to play with my new things!

Chloemol Mon 22-Jun-20 18:28:26

If you went to your mothers last year i can see why your father thinks it’s his turn this year

Just spend it at home on your own, and they can visit Boxing day

OlivejuiceU2 Mon 22-Jun-20 18:32:49

This will be our first Christmas with baby and we plan to stay home just the three of us. We’ll see family at some point over the festive period.

IMO Christmas is for kids, not the adults, what they want is less important so if DF wants you to go to his tell his sorry it’s better for baby to you to stay at home.

amusedtodeath1 Mon 22-Jun-20 18:38:58

This is where boxing day comes in handy, once DD came along, we refused to go anywhere on Christmas day, they just want to play with their toys anyway, so boxing day we visit or host either buffet or full on dinner, but Christmas day is our day.

Blackhawkdown2020 Mon 22-Jun-20 18:49:44

Stay at home. Enjoy your first Christmas Day with your child in the comfort of your own home. Tell both parents they are welcome to visit if they can get on with each other. It’s not about them. It’s about your own little family unit. you will never please everyone in this situation so just set a precedent now or every year for evermore you will be pulled between the two and actually as the kids get older they want to be at home for Xmas

Purpleartichoke Mon 22-Jun-20 18:50:22

You can make whatever plans you want, but it is not remotely too early to make a plan for the holidays. We often plan a full year out.

Dangertime Mon 22-Jun-20 21:46:35

Boxing day is a great idea. We had planned to travel because we want to see my DHs grandparents (it wouldn't be fair to ask them to come to us as they very old) but now I'm thinking we could see them boxing day or just around Christmas.

I'm probably more annoyed about it as theres been a bit of disney grandparenting from DF - swooping in for cuddles and photos but less support and making plans and then cancelling as suits them, which is tough when I was on mat leave and had planned my day around a visit.

Plus in general they tend to ignore DH wanting to see his family, who are a bit more relaxed than mine but seems unfair that this means they see us less than more vocal family members on my side

OP’s posts: |
Wimpeyspread Mon 22-Jun-20 22:10:34

Anyone mentioning Christmas to me in June would be blocked and ignored

letmethinkaboutitfornow Mon 22-Jun-20 22:15:10

YANBU - poor you!
We barely there with the Summer solace 😂
Good luck! Your boundary setting is getting tested very early...

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