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Do you think 38 is too old to have a baby, with a 7+ year gap?

(35 Posts)
Strawberrypancakes Mon 22-Jun-20 15:13:52

I have wanted another baby for several years, DH didn’t so I put it to bed and got on with life.

He’s recently decided that actually, he would like to. (Possibly due to a new baby in the family triggering those feelings.)

There would be at least a 7 year age gap, along with me being at least 38 depending on how long things took. (Which I appreciate might be a very long time at my age.)

I’m so torn about what to do and worried about the risks to the baby etc in an advanced pregnancy,

WWYD basically? If it was 5 years ago I would have said yes absolutely.

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Strawberrypancakes Mon 22-Jun-20 15:14:50

I guess the voting isn’t really clear..

YABU - have one
YANBU - don’t have one

smile

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Newuser82 Mon 22-Jun-20 15:16:33

Yes of course it’s fine! I had my second baby at 39, almost six years after the first and the second pregnancy and birth were much more straightforward than the first. Go for it if it’s what you want.

happytoday73 Mon 22-Jun-20 15:17:11

Is your health good and did you have a healthy pregnancy last time?

If yes then I'd say go for it but give yourself a deadline at which time you give up....

flapjackfairy Mon 22-Jun-20 15:17:20

I had a third child at 36 with an 8 yr gap . So my children were 10, 8 and new born. I have since adopted and my other children are adults now so I have 5 children ranging in age from 30 to 6. It is fine. Honestly. They all get on great .

Strawberrypancakes Mon 22-Jun-20 15:21:07

I had a pretty rubbish pregnancy last time but I was very overweight. I’m almost 100lbs lighter now so I think that side of things would be much easier despite my age.

My health is good aside from definitely drinking a bit much during lockdown! Currently detoxing myself out of that habit grin

I guess my biggest concerns are the health of the baby and the age gap.

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happytoday73 Mon 22-Jun-20 15:24:03

I had my last baby at 38... I found it hard on my body, baby was fine, but it brought on high blood pressure problems after birth. I was quite sick.

I'm by no means the oldest mum in their class.
My youngest sibling is 9 years younger than me, a surprise, and we've always got on great...

Sexnotgender Mon 22-Jun-20 15:25:12

An age gap can be great! I was nearly 37 when I had number 2, gap was 15 years!

EllaAlright Mon 22-Jun-20 15:26:42

I had my 3rd child at 36, my other kids were 16 and 15, so a big gap, it’s been fine for us.

chipsandgin Mon 22-Jun-20 15:28:21

Had my second at the same age, same age gap - never even considered it would be an issue (& it never has been - they’re now nearly 17 and 10).

I’ve got lots of friends who had or are thinking about having first or second babies as they approach 40, it’s not at all unusual IMO.

In terms of a bit of an age gap - it all seems pretty positive - it means you get to focus on the baby when the older one is at school & you can do activities with the older one which are more ‘grown up’ so they don’t feel sidelined. Also, total bonus - the older one can babysit the younger one once they’re old enough.

Plus you’ve done it all before so it’s so much easier (on the whole easier...actually having a baby & all the sleep deprivation & relentlessness is no different...but if it’s your age or the age gap that are the only sticking points then I’d say crack on!!).

WhenISnappedAndFarted Mon 22-Jun-20 15:28:22

My DM had my youngest brother at the age of 39 and I'm six and a half years older than him.

Strawberrypancakes Mon 22-Jun-20 15:30:24

There is something else on my mind but DH says it’s a non issue - we’re going to extend our house within the next year / 18 months, I couldn’t wait until it was over because of the time pressure so it would be (potentially) having a newborn with work going on. It’s not a massive issue though I suppose.

Why didn’t he say yes 5 years ago 😂

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Strawberrypancakes Mon 22-Jun-20 15:31:42

He’s starting to say all the things I used to say.. ‘don’t think about right now, think about our Christmas table in ten years!’ grin

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SeasonFinale Mon 22-Jun-20 15:33:27

Had my second at 38 - ten years after 1st at 28. They get on so well as there is no direct rivalries.

notalwaysalondoner Mon 22-Jun-20 15:38:06

My mum had us at 37, 39 and 42, it was great, didn’t feel at all disadvantaged compared to friends and we were much better off financially than if they’d had us at 27 for example. My cousin recently had a second baby aged 40 with a 7 year age gap - the children are quite close, it’s sweet.
To be honest I think considering 38 as old just depends on your peer group - no one in my circle of London professionals would consider 38 as old at all, especially for a second or subsequent child.

rattusrattus20 Mon 22-Jun-20 15:38:41

to me the 7+ yr age gap [highly likely that your kids will never be friends, until adulthood at least] is worse than the 38, which is not a spectacularly huge deal, especially if you socially know or are likely to be able to get to know, other mothers-to-be.

Lima45 Mon 22-Jun-20 15:43:49

Not me, but my mum had my younger brother at 39. She had me at 31.
When I was younger he was highly annoying, but that's more to do with my mum offloading a lot of the entertaining him onto me and my friends!

Now I'm 36 and he's 28 and we get on great.
So I'd say go for it

Lima45 Mon 22-Jun-20 15:46:21

Oh and to add, when mum was pregnant with my brother she was having an extension done to the house, as he was totally unplanned.

Has always said she's glad she got it done when she did if that help at all.

Shinebright72 Mon 22-Jun-20 15:47:11

I think it’s fine. Age gaps seem to be more common than you realise.

Sunnydayshereatlast Mon 22-Jun-20 15:47:13

I had a dc at 37. Them one at 43 with a 6 year gap!!

michelle1504 Mon 22-Jun-20 15:47:48

No, you're only 38, definitely not too old for a baby! And it really isn't that big an age gap, however I appreciate that that is subjective.

DioneTheDiabolist Mon 22-Jun-20 15:53:57

I had my second in my mid 40s, 10 years after my first.shock The age gap hasn't hurt the DC, they absolutely adore eachother.🥰

MereDintofPandiculation Mon 22-Jun-20 15:55:36

It won't necessarily take you a long time. First time lucky at 38.

IndieRo Mon 22-Jun-20 15:59:36

I'm 39 and planning on trying for another baby. Hubby is waiting to get vasectomy reversed. We already have an 8,10 and 12 year old. To be honest I had my first three really close together and looking back now I don't know if I fully enjoyed it. I'm thinking now I'm older and have more time I will appreciate it all more because it will definately be the last.

PopsicleHustler Mon 22-Jun-20 16:00:30

Go for it! I have big age gaos between my eldest and little one. I am currently pregnant with baby number 5 at age 33 and my eldest will be almost 14 when he or she is born. Husband and I have always wanted a big family.

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