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To be so afraid to tell me parents about my separation?

(16 Posts)
Daydreamer15 Mon 22-Jun-20 11:25:43

Me and DP of 7 years have called it quits. Well, I have, after months of expressing to him how I feel it would be best. We have two very young DC and a home together. He has no family here, they do not contribute in any way to my children's lives. My parents, however, have done everything from providing full time childcare, allowing us to live with them and helping us pay the deposit on our home, never asking for anything in return. Now, because of this, I am so so afraid to tell them that the relationship has come to an end, and DP will be moving out.

Is it unreasonable to be so scared and nervous to tell them? I feel like a child who has done something so extremely bold and needs to hide it because of the shame. It's awful sad

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Ellisandra Mon 22-Jun-20 11:29:06

They might say, “what took you so long? We could see you weren’t happy.”

Look, you’re old enough to be a parent yourself. Just tell them.

flummingbird Mon 22-Jun-20 11:29:46

Oh goodness, just tell them! From the sounds of it they are lovely and supportive, they'll carry that on now I'm sure. Yes they might be upset but I'm sure they'll be more concerned that you're coping ok!

Ellisandra Mon 22-Jun-20 11:32:22

You might be so nervous because it sounds like you very much have a parent-child relationship with them? (at least financially it seems so) You need to remember that you’re an adult, and you’re allowed to make adult decisions!

Stegasaurusmum Mon 22-Jun-20 11:35:10

Honestly, having just done this, after 18 years together, the build up was worse. I cried, I was sad, my mum had a little cry, my dad, who I thought would go mad, just thought about practical stuff... First question was how are you going to manage getting out for running 🤦‍♀️😂

But honestly, it was OK. They weren't that surprised, DH barely communicates or takes part in anything family orientated, so it won't be a great loss, but I'm hoping too that eventually he will still be on good terms with them and will keep in touch.
Maybe rehearse it in your head first, but it'll be OK, promise.

Daydreamer15 Mon 22-Jun-20 11:44:34

@Stegasaurusmum do you have children? Were they very concerned for them, or supportive and offering to help? I am so worried that my parents will just be worried for my DC, even though I am the one who looks after them full time anyway while DP works.

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Ellisandra Mon 22-Jun-20 12:54:09

They might be worried about how you’re going to manage financially as you fdokt work. Do you have a plan for that? Perhaps you’ll feel more confident telling them, if you also have made plans.

Zilla1 Mon 22-Jun-20 12:58:17

I would expect or hope they want you to be happy and would support you in what you think is for the best.

Good luck, OP.

Leobynature Mon 22-Jun-20 12:59:27

They sound great. They obviously love you and your dc abc have your best interests at heart. Their only concern will be you and the kids, to minimise their worrying start planning and share your plans with them.

CatFaceCats Mon 22-Jun-20 13:00:59

I did this 4 months ago after 11 years and 2 children together. I was so scared to tell my mum, but I did and she was amazing. Asked if I was 100% sure, or did I just need some time and space. When I told her that yes, we were done and on good terms she was absolutely supportive.
She’s never once questioned my decision, or tried to push me in to re-uniting.

Good luck!

Sunnydayshereatlast Mon 22-Jun-20 13:05:32

I have adult dc... I would be devastated if my dc were concerned about my feelings in their business!
My adult dd split up 3 years ago and I was gutted she had been so unhappy.

Felifox Mon 22-Jun-20 13:12:22

There's no shame in splitting up, your dp's will be more concerned that you and your dcs will have a home and that you will be able to co parent amicably.

Daydreamer15 Mon 22-Jun-20 13:20:35

My maternity leave has been extended into unpaid leave because of the virus. So when childcare reopens in September, I would be planning to go back part time, and would be eligible for benefits, as well as DP paying maintenance. It will certainly be a change from the financial comfort I am used to, as he earns very well. But it will inevitably be worse for him, on his own for most of the time, renting a place by himself and paying maintenance on top of that. It would have been cheaper for him to just have been a nice person. But alas!

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Daydreamer15 Wed 24-Jun-20 15:24:32

So.. I told them, and they were SO supportive. No gasps of despair or any of the things I was expecting. Completely understanding, they are happy as long as I'm happy. My mum and I are going shopping this weekend to cheer me up! I'm so so relieved. Its finally feeling real.

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SophieB100 Wed 24-Jun-20 15:30:13

I was just going to post on here OP that you should tell them, and you have! Well done. Of course they'll be supportive. I hated telling my parents when I broke up with my ex DH - twenty years married - but they were great. What upset them most was that I had pretended everything was ok for about a year previous to our break-up, when it clearly wasn't. But I didn't not tell them to deceive them - I did it to stop them worrying. In retrospect, I should have told them.

Enjoy shopping!

Daydreamer15 Wed 24-Jun-20 15:44:25

Thank you so much. My mother was so understanding, she had a similar situation when we were young kids, and because of the times being so different then, she couldn't leave. She is proud and relieved that I wont stay where there isn't any happiness.

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