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Adult sibling abusing parents

(6 Posts)
DollyDaph10 Mon 22-Jun-20 11:13:47

Hi all.

I have an adult sibling that still lives at home (council property) and is refusing to move out. Has never moved out previously and currently isn’t working due to losing job after job as a result of bad attitude and thinking they are above rules and can do whatever they want. This person has been vile and verbally abusive to everyone for as long as I can remember. My parents are on the brink of separating as Dad can no longer watch his wife be verbally abused every single day, especially by someone that isn’t contributing financially and goes out and spends money on random things. Has also been running up debts to the point Mum is now legally in charge of their car. Mum has always stuck up for her child and has told Dad (step dad) not to comment and he just can’t take it anymore. Sibling is aged 35 to give you an idea. It feels like there’s no end in sight.

I am desperate to help my parents and I’m unsure of what to do. I really don’t want to worsen their home life as they already deal with daily verbal attacks, damage to their property (damage that always has an ‘excuse’ so would be hard to prove to police). My mum wouldn’t support a police case even if I reported the verbal attacks. Mental health gets frequently cited, but there’s never been a diagnosis or even an attempt to access help aside from one online counselling session. I have so much empathy for people that really do struggle with MH issues. Anytime this person is challenged they threaten suicide and it puts dreadful strain on my Mum.

I so desperately want to help, but don’t know how to. I don’t know if I’m overstepping the mark? Mum won’t make them leave as she feels guilty about what may happen after, but it’s destroying my family and has all reached a head. My mum being called a ‘c***’ on Mother’s Day and being screamed at for trying to help this person with their custody arrangements has highlighted how bad things are. This person has cut me off as apparantly DH and I don’t support them and are selfish ‘t**ts’ for keeping an amicable relationship with their ex (to continue contact with nieces/nephews) and for not asking them how their depression is going. I’ve been hospitalised on and off recently as currently having a high risk pregnancy and the stress of this on top is terrible. I no longer want contact with someone so toxic, but am desperate to help my parents.

OP’s posts: |
Ellisandra Mon 22-Jun-20 11:17:28

Has never moved out, but has kids of his own?
I’d encourage your dad (stepdad?) to move out, and tell your mum you’re there if you need her.

Ellisandra Mon 22-Jun-20 11:17:36

*she needs you

Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches Mon 22-Jun-20 11:20:53

It always matters what sex the person is, so yanbu for trying to disguise this.

That said, in this case they are clearly a horrible horrible person and should be asked by your parents to leave - and police called if necessary- ASAP.

DollyDaph10 Mon 22-Jun-20 11:24:59

I was worried it may be very outing, but I guess my post is anyway. Male.

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DollyDaph10 Mon 22-Jun-20 11:26:32

Correct! It is shocking. My mum is treated like a doormat and does all care for the children when they visit.
Ex partner lives with the children elsewhere.

OP’s posts: |

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