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Who should walk me down the aisle?

(87 Posts)
Deedoubleyou Sun 21-Jun-20 09:42:18

Settle in for the backstory....

My mum and dad had me and got married in their teens. The marriage lasted 2 years and my mum and stepdad have been married since I was 5. My dad was quite absent when I was younger and would leave me with my grandparents (who I loved very much) on his access weekends. My stepdad was always there but we had a volatile relationship as he was very stern and had a bad temper.

Fast forward to now and both my dad and stepdad have really stepped up since my daughter was born and I have a great relationship with both of them.

I know that both of them are fully expecting to walk me down the aisle and I just don't know what to do. Either way I'm going to hurt someone I really care about.

AIBU to have both walk me down? Anyone been in a similar postion?

OP’s posts: |
BigBairyHollocks Sun 21-Jun-20 09:43:26

Your mum should.

MaggieFS Sun 21-Jun-20 09:44:20

You can have both, I've seen it done. But if you're not keen, you could have your mum, a male friend or no one, which I've also seen done.

dementedpixie Sun 21-Jun-20 09:44:53

Its your wedding, do what you want

Ughmaybenot Sun 21-Jun-20 09:45:15

Neither and walk by yourself or have your mum.

Ronia Sun 21-Jun-20 09:45:23

Either your mum or both of them. Or neither and walk down alone.

I have no complicated backstory (parents still together) but asked them both to walk with me. The aisle was actually quite narrow though so they walked together and I walked alone behind them.

AlbusSeverusMalfoy Sun 21-Jun-20 09:45:21

Yea your mum should or your grandad

truthisarevolutionaryact Sun 21-Jun-20 09:45:32

Ask your Mum to walk you down the aisle.

Goingtogetflamed Sun 21-Jun-20 09:45:45

The key question is who do you want to do it? Do you want anyone to?

madroid Sun 21-Jun-20 09:45:47

Your dd?

Deedoubleyou Sun 21-Jun-20 09:46:00

Sorry to dripfeed but my mum doesn't want to, she wants it to be my stepdad.

OP’s posts: |
Flightsoffancy Sun 21-Jun-20 09:46:27

My father died the year before I got married. Rather than asking my mum or another family member, I met my husband to be outside the church and we walked down the aisle together. I liked it as for me it symbolised walking together towards marriage, and at 39 in the 21st century I didn't feel anyone should be 'giving me away'. Or walk down on your own!

Katiecoooooo Sun 21-Jun-20 09:46:31

My Mum walked me down.

Chienloup Sun 21-Jun-20 09:46:55

No one. Walk yourself.

Ughmaybenot Sun 21-Jun-20 09:47:10

Fair enough, my dad is absent, no stepdad and my mum didn’t want to do it either. That said, I don’t really think she should be offering her opinion tbh, she doesn’t get to choose.
In your case, I would just walk on my own.

dementedpixie Sun 21-Jun-20 09:47:22

what do you want to do? Do you want either of them? You could just walk down yourself

TeddyIsaHe Sun 21-Jun-20 09:47:40

It’s not what your mum wants, it’s your wedding!

Who do you want, without thinking about what anyone else wants you to do? Do you have a preference?

WhatWouldDominicDo Sun 21-Jun-20 09:48:09

Do you have a brother?
Do your two "Dads" get on?

LillianBland Sun 21-Jun-20 09:48:25

BigBairyHollocks

Your mum should.

Yup. This. ^ Unless you say otherwise,I assume she’s the one that has been there for you, throughout your whole childhood. Tell them both, that this is no reflection on them, this is your way of thanking her. If they really have changed, they may be a bit hurt but will support your decision. If they sulk, then that proves they haven’t changed.

Traditionally, the father is giving over ‘ownership’ of their daughter to another man, the husband to be. It’s actually quite a sexist and creepy tradition, when you think of it.

ExtraOnions Sun 21-Jun-20 09:48:31

My sister walked me down.

It’s whoever you want ... both ... neither ... one or the other ... another relative ... your best mate ... there is no right answer, it’s up to you

SpaghettiBalonzaise Sun 21-Jun-20 09:48:50

Both, neither, all your parents or your mum.

If your mum doesn't want to, then it sounds like both is your best option. Having your stepdad keeps you happy (and I assume is something you want too) and surely she can't begrudge you having your father too!

LillianBland Sun 21-Jun-20 09:49:41

Deedoubleyou

Sorry to dripfeed but my mum doesn't want to, she wants it to be my stepdad.

Then either have both your father and step father or no one.

0v9c99f9g9d939d9f9g9h8h Sun 21-Jun-20 09:50:38

They all sound selfish and difficult. I think you'll have to firmly state that you want both and ignore months of sulking about it, or have no one... Or your brother if you have one.

Parmavioletmum Sun 21-Jun-20 09:50:59

Similar issues here but I've decided to have my son walk me down the aisle. I would actually prefer to have my stepdad over my dad walk me down the aisle but it would cause too much hurt and conflict. So decided I would like my son to and I know even though he's only 11 it means the world to him. (He's from my previous marriage but absolutely adores my partner)

Deedoubleyou Sun 21-Jun-20 09:51:22

Now I'm think about what I actually want, I think I will have them both. They have both had an equal part in my upbringing and I couldn't choose one over the other. They are friendly enough and civil with each other to be able to do this. Thank you everyone ❤️

OP’s posts: |

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