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How long to stop missing our old house

(38 Posts)
Octopus37 Sun 21-Jun-20 09:20:18

Hi, sorry if I've posted in the wrong topic, but just need to know I'm going to feel better.
We have recently moved house, about 20 minutes away from where we were before. Doesn't sound a lot, I dont drive and have gone from it taking 5 mins to walk into town to 20 mins. There are buses nearby, but the public transport isn't as good. We have moved from a two level house to a town house, had loads of built in furniture at the old house, need wardrobes, drawers etc here, only 10 days in, everythings a mess, wardrobe rails have broken. DH good at putting things togeher but quite methodical, likes to do one thing at a time, refuses point blank to have people in to build wardrobes. Also he has loads of stuff, did declutter before we moved, but still too much stuff.

I'm aware how irrational this sounds, but we moved from our old house because our DS2's room was tiny, we had had lots of problems with the house, DH needed a fresh start, he has been unhappy at work difficult few years for various reasons. Thought about a loft conversion, but we fell out with our neighbours a couple of years ago, didn't speak after that at all, very stressful.

When we decided on this house (buying not renting), I knew that it was a bit far out of town for me than it ideal, but thought it would be ok, could make it work, wanted DH and the boys to be happy. Was very 50/50 about it before lockdown, during lockdown started to feel that the move would be great cause we need more space, a fresh start etc.
I'm aware how bratty and immature I sound, if I had said no way to this house, it would have caused loads of bad feeling, resentment, husband says not, I ended up telling him how I felt a couple of days ago. Everyone keeps telling me that its a nicer area cause its quieter, but that doesn't do it for me. Know I'm not being very rational, suspect I'm menopausal (I'm 45), my own work situation isn't great, have struggled during lockdown like everyone else, so don't want to be flamed please.
I know I let this happen, but just really hope that I feel better soon, having to really push myself to be positive right now.A facebook memory of having exchanged on our old house came up this morning from 11 years ago, made me cry. Has anyone else felt the same but felt loads more positive in time.

OP’s posts: |
Teacuplady86 Sun 21-Jun-20 09:24:58

unfortunately this is quite normal sad

I spoke to an estate agent last week just to enquire about selling (we moved recently too blush) and he said many people who moved during lockdown have negative feelings about their new house and plan to move again on ASAP.

Many reasons - lack of space due to WFH, change of public transport usage because of Covid, redundancy, pay cuts etc etc.

I miss our old house SO much. we are just 6 mins away!

How you are feeling is quite normal for the situation we’re all in flowers x

Octopus37 Sun 21-Jun-20 09:43:35

Thank you, that is reassuring, really hope that we both feel better in time. I feel as if I'm being totally irrational. There is no way DH would agree to selling again at least for a few years, it costs so much money and its about three other people, not just me. Interesting that an Estate Agent said that. Don't know how to do the emoji, but sendin you flowers too

OP’s posts: |
GoGold Sun 21-Jun-20 09:46:38

Sorry you're feeling down about it. It's a big change moving home, and with lockdown causing lots of extra stress and worries it's likely having an impact. I hope you can grow to love it soon.

Quoto Sun 21-Jun-20 09:52:13

I moved 15 mins (by car) away. From a place where shops, trains, buses were a couple of mins away to a place where there is nothing very close to my house. We now drive to most places.

It will soon be 5 years since we moved here. Ds is much happier here. He loves it and would never want to move back to the area we used to live in. It took me a while to settle. I was unsettled for the fist couple of years. Even now I still don't feel completely settled but can't imagine being anywhere else. I miss being able to walk to the shops and miss some of my old neighbours ☹️ But overall it is better where we are now.

Quoto Sun 21-Jun-20 09:54:59

I meant to say. Once all the DIY and decorating is done it will feel much better. You can then relax and enjoy your new home.

ECBC Sun 21-Jun-20 10:02:55

We moved three weeks before lock down. New house is our first and old house was mouldy rented horror. New house has more space but it’s been so stressful finding out all the things that need repairing/sorting and not being able to get anyone in. Worrying about money, jobs, not seeing family, health. Not being able to leave and feeling hemmed in. We have been so lucky but at the same time I feel like I’ve been so anxious. It’s hard to adjust to change when the world feels very different at the moment

formerbabe Sun 21-Jun-20 10:14:25

It's been six years and I still miss my old house!

Sorry...not helpful

Aria20 Sun 21-Jun-20 10:15:48

Start making plans! Are you good at/enjoy redecorating? Can you go and buy some paint and start decorating, putting your own stamp on the house might help?

Isthisfinallyit Sun 21-Jun-20 10:22:08

Oh gosh the stress and chaos of moving could be used as torture if you ask me. You really can't make your mind up now, you're in a horrible situation. I kind of liked my house (every house) after the chaos was done but it always takes more time before it becomes my "home". For me it takes two years.

Is there a way for you to get around easier? Can you get your driving license or a scooter or something? With Covid you must feel much more isolated than before. Branching out your life could help too.

HellsBills Sun 21-Jun-20 10:25:05

I've owned 3 homes and felt this every time I've moved! 5yrs in the first, 5 in the 2nd and now 7yrs here. The last 2 moves, I've spent a few months wondering if it was the wrong decision and missing everything about the old place. Once DIY and decorating done, new routines re travel etc established in new area I've totally fallen in love with new house. HATED! This house when we moved in and made plans to do it up and move within 2yrs....7yrs on love it, love the area, love the neighbours (now friends) won't be moving for a while. I hope you feel the same.

SlytherQ Sun 21-Jun-20 10:25:21

It's been 21 years and I still badly miss my old home. Lived in 4 others since then, including the one we are in now, and I still dream of that home. I have tried to re-educate myself into believing this house is enough but it isn't and never will be. On the plus side we have a house to live in and we can afford it. On the other it is too small for our family and in a bad area.
None of this really helps you for which I apologise.
Hope you feel more happy when you have properly moved in.

HollysBush Sun 21-Jun-20 10:27:01

You were in your old home a long time with (presumably) lots of happy memories. I think I’ll always feel wistful when I think of our old tiny flat where our children spent the first few years of their lives. It was a shell and we worked so hard to improve it.

GreyishDays Sun 21-Jun-20 10:29:32

You don’t sound bratty at all. Are there any quick wins to make it seem better?

RhianFuckingMorris Sun 21-Jun-20 10:31:52

5 years on I still simetimes she'd a tear when I drive past my old house.

I see my current homes as temporary. Might several years temporary but thus isn't my forever home. It's for now. That's how I have had to think from the day we moved here. That's how I cope.

Gingercatlover Sun 21-Jun-20 10:31:56

Yes I felt like this five and a half years ago, we moved five minutes down the road to the next village.

As soon as we had decorated throughout and made it ours it felt so much better.

I'm sure it will be the same for you thanks

StCharlotte Sun 21-Jun-20 10:36:40

I'm aware how irrational this sounds, but we moved from our old house because our DS2's room was tiny, we had had lots of problems with the house, DH needed a fresh start, he has been unhappy at work difficult few years for various reasons. Thought about a loft conversion, but we fell out with our neighbours a couple of years ago, didn't speak after that at all, very stressful.

Think about the reasons you moved. I don't think you actually miss your old house, you just need time to get to love your new house smile

CarolVordermansArse Sun 21-Jun-20 10:41:13

I still miss my real home and it is about 20 years since I moved, however I knew I would leave it one day, it was just too soon. If I liked where I am maybe I could just think differently. The one I moved to after that was just somewhere to endure.

This probably won't help either but I am still missing my last house after more than 7 years, loved it and didn't want to leave but just got on with it but I can't settle here no matter what I do, it is not and never will be home.

BBCONEANDTWO Sun 21-Jun-20 10:46:34

OMG this is buyer's remorse and I had it when we moved to this house which is about 20 minutes walk away from our old house, in a little bit better area than where we were. I cried for weeks after at night wondering why we'd moved. Now I look back and think I was ridiculous but you have to go through it I guess. This house is a little smaller and I had to keep decluttering after we moved in. I got imaginative and bought a great big chest of drawers and put it in the living room and make it look like a sideboard. I put 2 rails at different levels in my wardrobe to double my hanging space and general decluttered, decluttered and decluttered. I don't buy stuff unless I throw something out and I only have 6 pairs of shoes/boots. It's actually better and I'm sure you will perk up once you're more settled in.

Evenstar Sun 21-Jun-20 10:46:54

I know that the home I left not by my own choice almost 20 years ago (work move for then DH) will be somewhere I will never stop missing. I also know that now and for many years gone by it would have been too large, too rural and too expensive to run and the wrong place to live when my now grown up DC were teenagers. Given all that the only option is acceptance, and I have had many happy times in the homes I have lived in since, part of my nostalgia is that my parents and first husband have passed away so there are memories attached to that house that can’t be recreated. You have your husband and DC there, the work that needs doing will get done and the house will come to feel like home, especially when this strange difficult time for us all is over.

I think what I am saying is you may always miss that special house that was your home for so long, but it will get better and the new home and new memories you will make there will be precious too.

tara66 Sun 21-Jun-20 10:48:45

Try to find something you really like about new house and concentrate on that. It is up to you to make it so you really love it. Perhaps a few rolls of beautiful wallpaper? You may always miss the other house.

ShowOfHands Sun 21-Jun-20 10:57:39

I always feel like that when I move. I hate the unfamiliarity of a new home, groping around for light switches, the discombobulating geography of new bricks and mortar. It takes me a while to settle. I attach memories to places quite viscerally too and struggle to let go. I think it's quite normal. You just have to give it time and a bit of yourself invested in the new place.

My ILs literally built their own home and produced 4 children and raised them all to adulthood there. Their grandchildren have played there, climbed the oak tree that their parents planted as toddlers. It has lifetimes of memories and happiness in every room. But it's a 5 bed detached house in the country and they're retired and need to downsize. I've no idea what they'll do. It seems heartbreaking to even think of that not being "home" and I've only been going there for 21 years!

Oliversmumsarmy Sun 21-Jun-20 10:59:26

I think you have to look to the reasons you made the move and hold on to them.

Things are chaotic atm but once everything is done then you can start living there properly.

Would learning to drive help or getting a bike with a basket to cycle to the shops so you are more under your own power than waiting for a bus

BogRollBOGOF Sun 21-Jun-20 11:02:28

Decorating it and making it "yours" makes a big difference.

I first moved into DH's house, and it took 1-2 years to really feel like my home too. Decorating definitly helped to ease his dominance and get my personality in too.

We moved on locally when our first was a baby. We loved the space of the house... shame about the decor... A few months later dealing with the headache inducing combination of shiny laminate reflecting spotlight beams, and brown faux-70s wall paper in the lounge really helped.

The garden has taken much longer to adjust to, but gardens take years to mature anyway and I've had less time to tend to and bond with it.

I can see hoe lockdown would have an effect. It's hard enough spending so much time kicking around the house anyway, especially if it's not feeling homely and the logistics of clearing out and customising it have been interfered with.

dottiedodah Sun 21-Jun-20 11:09:54

I think it takes time to "settle " in to a new home, as it does any big life change really. If you think about your old home and its issues with the neighbours ,lack of space and so on, it probably wont seem quite as great! Can you learn to drive at all? It really makes a big difference to your life .I learnt on an automatic and havent looked back! Showofhands My Auntie and Uncle were in their house for 50 odd years! Both had to go to sheltered housing, and poor Cousins are still sorting house out now!

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