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To not call?

(5 Posts)
Married2019 Sun 21-Jun-20 07:41:45

Back history: Very damaged relationship with my Dad due to events of last year which humiliated me at my own wedding. Dad was v apologetic and cried but knew that i was distraught and completely not at fault (it was actions of step mum) Since then I sent him a Christmas card but didnt visit as didnt want to go to his home and see Step mum (antagnoiser of events at the wedding) and we hadnt really spoken much (no apology by step mum) he posted a christmas card back through our door and tried to walk away until i opened the door and stopped him from 'escaping' without talking to me. We had a brief catch up on and both were upset at how relationship has failrd. He has a difficult position as his wife was wrong, we all accept that, but shes his wife and so he has to carry on with his life.Minimal contact after this from either side until March this year when I messaged him to tell him I was pg, he replied with token message of congrats but no attempts at further conversation. I then sent him a birthday card in May (couldnt visit due to covid) and he sent me one back on mine days later by dropping by our house again (remember, im pg and shielding at this point so not leaving the house, he's still working FT) I then attempt further conversations through messages, he doesnt mention the baby, talks about himself and Stepmums plans for retirement and doesn't reflect at all on damaged relationship. We're stuck in limbo. I am massively hurt and want to meet face to face to sort this out, but cant currently do so due to covid situation and also unsure how to approach the situation without asking for his meeting without Stepmum as she escorts him everywhere. Today is fathers day, i sent him a card in the post and a message... AIBU to not go to his house in a socially distanced visit??

OP’s posts: |
Frownette Sun 21-Jun-20 08:32:49

It's fine, you've sent card and message

Mistlewoeandwhine Sun 21-Jun-20 08:37:41

It’s not your job to fix a relationship that someone else broke.

MzHz Sun 21-Jun-20 08:39:21

It will help you if you can identify what YOU want to get out of this situation.

If you want any kind of relationship with your dad, knowing that he’s going to do nothing about the actions or behaviour of this woman he’s married, how does that affect you? What would talking achieve? He’s said he’s sorry and now wants you to make his life easier by basically sucking it up and allowing him - and her - to carry on as before.

He’s not going to come over without her and you don’t want her there so either you cave and put up with this witch, or you don’t see him.

HE is the problem here.. but you won’t solve it. He won’t either because he doesn’t want to.

MzHz Sun 21-Jun-20 08:40:50

I’ve been through similar

You end up not seeing them.

It honestly isn’t the end of the world. Having people like her in your life is too high a price tbh.

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