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Was I in the wrong to give away these items?

(72 Posts)
MrsVMorgan Sun 21-Jun-20 00:42:28

A family member was staying with us for a while. When he moved out, he left his hamster in his room as he had a very large cage and there was no space in his new room to accommodate any of it. The room wasn’t needed at the time so it was fine for the hamster to stay with us (although not ideal!)
We were then left to care for the hamster (for atleast 6 months), with no involvement from him. We cared for him (including sending pictures etc to him while rarely even for a response).
The pet died. He came round and removed it from the cage and took it away in a small box to pay his respects etc (not sure what he did). He isn’t planning to get another.

We were left with the cage and all the accessories, hamster playpen etc.
Someone on my local Facebook group was asking about hamster things so I said she could have a box of all the stuff we didn’t need (food, toys, new pet bedding etc that were not in the cage).
I have left all of his hamster’s toys in the cage (which he says needs 2 people to move as it’s very heavy). The things I gave away were just additional things that were in a box and not touched anyway.

The family member has now found out that I gave away his hamster stuff without his permission and is very angry about it. Apparently it is disrespectful to him and completely despicable (his words Amongst others).

I apologized and said it wasn’t things that his hamster was using in his cage etc (they are all still there) and seen as we had been the sole carers of his pet for the past 6 months that I didn’t think he would be that bothered.

Aibu to have given the stuff away? I realize I should have asked him, but he had taken no interest in his pet for many months and expected us to care for it. (He thinks he might be able to remove the cage in August!) I enquired about a company to remove it and dump it for us as it’s massive (it’s a huge ikea glass cabinet on its side) but they wanted £60 to do it!

Was I unreasonable?

OP’s posts: |
Magickl Sun 21-Jun-20 00:46:37

Tell him to collect his property from outside your door and count himself lucky you aren't charging him for storing it.

laundryclub Sun 21-Jun-20 00:46:44

He sounds very petty.
To be honest I would be telling him to pick up the hamster cage in the next week if not that would be given away for free too.

DonaldJTrumpet Sun 21-Jun-20 00:47:10

Hmmm. In a way, yes. You should have asked his permission. Regardless of him being a dick about it, it isn't yours to dispose of.

That being said, he obviously wasn't that bothered and he has no right to be a dick over it. What else were you going to do with it? Unless he gave you implicit instructions not to get rid of it and a timeframe for removal.

Pinkyandthebrainy Sun 21-Jun-20 00:51:17

I don't think you were unreasonable at all to give it away.. you done more than enough looking after the wee bundle of fuzz for as long as you did and as you said he clearly wasn't that concerned about the hamster or the fact you were taking care of it.

And to still use your place as a storage then moan when it's gone is just a complete cheeky fucker!

Ignore /block him and his family.

starfishmummy Sun 21-Jun-20 01:01:09

Who bought the food and new bedding if he "hadnt been involved" while you looked after the hamster? If that was you then it was yours to dispose of

Euclid Sun 21-Jun-20 01:03:08

I would have given away everything, including the cage.

giantangryrooster Sun 21-Jun-20 01:04:04

Perhaps you should have told him before you gave the stuff away, BUT now is the perfect time to tell him that the rest is going to be sold off, if he doesn't collect his s... erh things wink. Otherwise tell him what you charge for storage wink.

slipperywhensparticus Sun 21-Jun-20 01:22:30

You need the "dreadfully sorry I will of course leave everything else outside for you to collect this week I would hate you to feel taken advantage of" speech and insist he collects for his own sake take a picture of it waiting for him if he fails to collect list it for free in freegle

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll Sun 21-Jun-20 01:27:13

I'm all for giving pets homes/areas with plenty of room to live and run around in - but something for an animal that can fit inside a toilet roll inner tube that takes two people to carry?! It sounds more like the kind of thing you might do if you lived on a farm and had a huge unused barn, but very outlandish for a normal house.

I agree with the PP: if he was leaving you with the responsibility and cost of feeding, housing and cleaning it, he was effectively giving it to you, along with all of its paraphernalia. It would be different if it was a dog or a horse or something, but 6 months is half to a quarter of a hamster's entire lifetime.

If he really cared about his pet, surely he would have bought a decent-sized but more standard and manageable cage and taken his hamster with him - and then made separate arrangements for the old run to be rehomed/disposed of and out of your way.

Servalan Sun 21-Jun-20 01:29:17

You are unreasonable to give his stuff away without at least running it by him first.

However, you wouldn't be unreasonable to give him a deadline for removing all of that stuff or else you will get rid of it.

Communication is key really.

Sittingontheveranda Sun 21-Jun-20 01:31:35

You should have asked him to remove the items himself first before giving them away. That said I don't think yabu for not allowing him to use your property as storage for months and months.

I rented a flat once and there was another flat directly underneath us. The person in the flat moved out in the first week of the month but left most of their personal belongings there, presumably with the intention of returning for them. A few days before the end of the rent month, the landlord arrived in the morning time and bagged up everything and threw it out including musical instruments, clothes, books. Everything!

CrazyTimesAreOccurring Sun 21-Jun-20 01:37:02

Yanbu at all. Silly idiot thinking he can just leave his pet and everything and you'll look after it all!! I would've given the hamster to a good home too, you are v kind to care for it before it died.

ragged Sun 21-Jun-20 02:40:04

Who is this person to you, OP?

lyralalala Sun 21-Jun-20 03:12:50

Who paid for the food and bedding for the 6 months?

In fact, even if he did he's being petty as hell. He's being as cheeky as fuck expecting that saying he "might" be able to move the cage in August is ok.

Is this an adult child or a different relation?

yetanothernamechange22 Sun 21-Jun-20 03:47:49

If the items were bought by him I think you should really have checked with him before giving them away. However his response was over the top given that you had been storing them free of charge for some time with no effort on his part to do anything with them.

If the food and bedding was bought by you, you were of course perfectly entitled to give it away.

People will buy those cabinets second hand to use for hamsters though, especially if it comes with a mesh lid and toys. There are Facebook groups for selling hamster cages. Ask if he would like the cabinet back, and if so, could he please remove it within 14 days, or whether he would like you to sell it on his behalf.

BoomBoomsCousin Sun 21-Jun-20 04:15:56

His behaviour after you've done so much for him is appalling. But no, you shouldn't have given his stuff away without checking with him. If it was a burden to keep it you should have told him to collect it.

ThumbWitchesAbroad Sun 21-Jun-20 05:24:21

I think you should have checked with him, yes.
But YWNU to want it gone. He shouldn't have left it with you for so long.

Aridane Sun 21-Jun-20 06:16:13

You can’t just give people’s stuff away without asking them!!

Clymene Sun 21-Jun-20 06:26:39

Equally you just dump your crap in other people's houses and expect them to provide free storage indefinitely

Clymene Sun 21-Jun-20 06:27:35

You can't just ...

Bluntness100 Sun 21-Jun-20 06:30:20

Surprised at some of these responses. If I agreed to store something for a family member I would not give it away with out speaking to them first, and if I wished to no longer store it, I’d ask them to come get it.

I’d certainly not tell someone it was fine to store their stuff at my home and then give it away without telling them or asking them to remove it.

So for me you’re being unreasonable.

Itsjustabitofbanter Sun 21-Jun-20 06:31:34

@aridane of course you can! The op doesn’t say how long ago the hamster died, but she’s been storing that stuff for at least 6 months, and possibly a lot longer. Personally, I would have sent a quick text saying if you don’t get your stuff by x date then I’m going to start giving it away. But if they had no agreement then legally it is up to the person who left to collect their belongings within a reasonable time. You can’t move out and leave your belongings behind for 6/7/8 plus months and then complain when it starts getting disposed of

Itsjustabitofbanter Sun 21-Jun-20 06:34:14

@Bluntness100 the op hasn’t said she said it was fine for him to leave their stuff there. She just said she agreed to look after the hamster. After it died he took the hamster and still left all the stuff there. I’m not surprised the op thought it would be ok to give away seeing as it’s not being used, plus he hasn’t even had it the last 6 months when she had to take care of his pet

chatterbugmegastar Sun 21-Jun-20 06:35:09

You were wrong to dispose of someone else's property without checking first

However the man is obviously a dick - if you have any more items which belong to him, take them to him today.

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