Talk

Advanced search

To still say no?

(23 Posts)
5plus3 Sun 21-Jun-20 00:04:54

Since lockdown my DCs haven't been to their dad's. My DP is high risk, exh (DCs dad) agreed it was for the best.
DCs dad has, on occasion been to our house to see DCs with social distancing.
Now it's all being relaxed exh is demanding DCs visit. He misses them, needs them, etc.
I do feel for him in some ways but he's never been a hands-on dad anyway. Doesn't pay maintenence (irrelevant to aibu but for context), goes on multiple holidays while we struggle to pay bills, is publicly (social media) not interested in social distancing.
I'm now having tests for ovarian cancer so multiple hospital visits. Aibu to say he has to wait?

OP’s posts: |
ToBBQorNotToBBQ Sun 21-Jun-20 00:29:52

He has not had them since March?! Doesn't he have parental responsibility? I'd tell you to fuck off. They are his kids OP how would you like it if he took them and didn't return them for months. It is his turn to have his own bloody kids I think.

OhioOhioOhio Sun 21-Jun-20 00:30:22

No. Yadnbu.

7alwje783 Sun 21-Jun-20 00:52:23

I think you're being very unfair. He should be paying for his kids but you shouldn't be stopping him seeing them for so long.

TinyPigeon Sun 21-Jun-20 00:54:55

Go to CMS. Your children shouldn't struggle while he holidays! And yes you should let him see them really.

Namechangexxxxx Sun 21-Jun-20 18:32:54

Very unfair OP. He has every right to see them. He is unfair not paying, but at the same time you should of got on the phone to child maintenance. My partner pays more than he should for his child and the mother isn't allowing him to see his child today for fathers day! He hasn't seen his child since March!

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat Sun 21-Jun-20 18:35:55

Wow yes you are being very unreasonable. How would you feel if you hadn’t hugged your child since March because your ex had a vulnerable new wife??

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat Sun 21-Jun-20 18:36:53

And tbh your partner should have offered to move out temporarily if this was going to have such a massive effect on your children.

HeckyPeck Sun 21-Jun-20 18:39:31

You can’t risk your partner’s life because your ex is sad. Particularly where he isn’t social distancing. His choices have consequences.

I hope your tests come back negative OP flowers

HeckyPeck Sun 21-Jun-20 18:41:25

How would you feel if you hadn’t hugged your child since March because your ex had a vulnerable new wife?

Hugging isn’t more important that someone’s life!

StepAwayFromGoogle Sun 21-Jun-20 18:44:59

YABU. He has every right to see his children and they have every right to see them. You need to go to CMS to get maintenance paid.

BluebellForest836 Sun 21-Jun-20 18:45:03

tbh your partner should have offered to move out temporarily if this was going to have such a massive effect on your children.

The DC dad has waited long enough, it’s now time for you to make the sacrifice so the DC can see there dad so doing the above would make sense.

FourPlasticRings Sun 21-Jun-20 18:46:11

Wow. Go through CMS but you have to let him see his kids. It's really not fair to try and keep them from him any longer.

Lockdownseperation Sun 21-Jun-20 18:48:04

Is your partner extreme vulnerable and shielding or high risk?
Yabu not to claim cm.

WorraLiberty Sun 21-Jun-20 18:49:55

YABVU

Would you be ok with being away from your kids for that long and then still not having them once everything's relaxed?

Darkestseasonofall Sun 21-Jun-20 18:55:29

What you're doing is terrible. I couldn't imagine being in your exes position. If I split with DC dad, and he got a new partner with a health condition no way would that stop me seeing my children for 3 MONTHS.
Fucking hell you're being cruel.

HugeAckmansWife Sun 21-Jun-20 18:56:02

Usually I'd go with YABU but given the medical issues and your exs choice not to minimise the risk as he absolutely could do, YANBU. Can you ask him to please be mindful of your partner's and now possibly your vulnerability and practise SD for 14 days first, and whilst out with the kids (from others, not them obvs). He does have choices here which would allow contact to happen relatively safely. I don't think this is the op just being a dick for the sack of spite.

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat Sun 21-Jun-20 18:57:48

@HeckyPeck then the partner should move out. He shouldn’t be OP’s priority, her children should be. I would go fucking mad if my ex prevented me from seeing my children for months on end, that is not a situation I would tolerate.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult Sun 21-Jun-20 19:03:42

Go to CMS for money for your kids, and let them see their dad.

I know you dislike him, but you can't let that be your driving force here.

Witchend Sun 21-Jun-20 19:25:19

If you're both potentially vulnerable, then it might well be better for the children to stay with their df. If you won't let them see him, then presumably they can't go to school for example.

Why don't you suggest to him that he takes the dc until September? That way you and your partner can concentrate on staying safe without worrying.

BluntAndToThePoint80 Sun 21-Jun-20 19:27:13

How old are the kids and do they want to see him - surely that’s a key point ?

C152H Sun 21-Jun-20 19:39:13

I'm sorry OP, but I do think you're being unreasonable. I can understand your worry, as your DP is high risk and you may be unwell yourself. However, to expect your kids to go months without seeing their dad is unreasonable. I'm actually surprised your ex agreed to such limited contact to begin with.

How long do you expect your kids and ex to wait to see each other? If there was an imminent end to the coronavirus issue in sight, you may be able to make this sort of request, but we've no idea when/if a vaccination or cure will be available. I think it may be time for you to consider alternative solutions eg:

- your kids see their dad on whatever their usual dad days were (EOW?) and you and DP just take the risk one or all of you may get ill
- your ex sees the kids outside, during the daytime and they return to your place to sleep
- your DP self isolates elsewhere
- if you become high risk (and I hope your tests are negative), the kids move in with their dad until you're no longer considered high risk

I appreciate none of the above are ideal options, but you're going to have to discuss options with your ex and both agree the best choice from a bad bunch.

HeckyPeck Sun 21-Jun-20 22:21:00

then the partner should move out. He shouldn’t be OP’s priority, her children should be. I would go fucking mad if my ex prevented me from seeing my children for months on end, that is not a situation I would tolerate.

He’s not been preventing from seeing them. He’s seeing them from 2m away. If the dad could actually be bothered to practice social distancing and then he could have hugs. The dad is the one who’s choosing to increase his own risks and so choosing to forfeit hugs with his children.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, quick, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Get started »