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To be exhausted with the relentlessness..(61 Posts)
We are healthy and have no imminent financial concerns.. but I just feel burnt out with the relentlessness of full time work, homeschool and childcare at the moment. DH also works full time and does 50% of everything. But I feel there is no rest from 7:30 when once of us starts work to 11pm when kids (primary school age) are at last asleep and have stopped demanding drinks; chats; cuddles etc, and I’m finishing some work (often to 10-11 or 11:30). We Sit down for 1.5hr of of a tv programme on Friday and Saturday. I try to go for a walk or jog most evenings (before dd1 is asleep and before I do some catch up work) and wonder how people with kids manage to have their feet up relaxing watching tv at 9pm (As it appears to me when i pass a window !) Right now I have a load of dishes to wash; cake to ice; two kids to put to bed (DH is mowing the lawn). Just fed up with the ongoing daily Jobs and hassles. And feel guilty as I know I’m unreasonable given that so many Have significant problems - are unwell, single parents, abusive relationships; carers etc. I don’t know how people manage. Huge respect to you if you are in that situation.
Ok I’m moaning. Bring it on. Tell me Iabu and I will get a grip!
YANBU, I’m so fed up with the relentlessness of it all. We’re ok, not unwell, managing etc but every day is the same, with it feel like nothing much to look forward to.
We try and have DC 'in bed' for 7:30 but that really means in your room not bothering us. They can read, play and have a flask of water and they know by 8:30 we will turn the lights down.
I think the people watching TV you see choose to do that rather than the childfree jog/walk you do earlier.
But it's awful all round. Our schedule is similar to yours and it is exhausting. I don't know how I can do it much longer!
YANBU. Sure, most people in the world probably have it worse but this is fucking exhausting too. I’m usually pretty calm but I’ve been getting more and more snappy this past week. The children want to be around me 24/7 and it’s just exhausting. Today when I was in the shower my 7yo walked in. I just need space.
It's relentless and seemingly never ending. The endless chores. Making breakfast, lunch & dinner for the DC and their non stop demands for snacks. Homeschooling. Arguments over devices. And then trying to 'work from home' in the midst of it all. It's beyond a joke.
Yanbu at all op. I was just screaming internally as I listened to dd read to me just now the most boring story. I'm not sure how those who homeschool so it!
I'm not sure if you're looking for tips but - my kids do so so much now chores wise than they ever did because there's so much time for them. If it takes them an hour to make it clean up their breakfast, I don't care. And fuck icing a cake!
Oh I don’t even work right now OP and I’m with you.
Parents and children are absolutely not supposed to spend this much time together.
You’re obviously a super hero, it’s the only explanation
Why do women always seem to feel guilty for admitting they're struggling or burnt out with family life? OP why would you expect anyone to tell you to get a grip?
I feel the same here and I only have one child to occupy, but he needs my full on attention alll the time. The thought of another 2 and a half months of this (until school in September) makes me want to cry.
You’ve described it well as emotional exhaustion is a sign of burnout
Lower your expectations, get a low cupboard with stuff like plastic glasses and juice or cartons for the kids to make their own drinks, get them to do chores. I'm a single parent and the lawn needs mowing but I am watching tv instead.
Fuck the cake, leave it uniced. It will still be tasty!!
Why is your DH mowing the lawn at 9pm? Does it annoy your neighbours?
We try to smash everything out so it is done before kids go to sleep. Once they are asleep, that is are time!! Lower your standards and get your kids to bed earlier.
I nearly cried looking at the pots in the kitchen earlier! I do them, then there's a billion more. I'm off work and DH is doing 12hr shifts and is feeling the strain so I'm doing all the house/school/children related tasks. It's only fair but it still sucks. And I'm sick of the word Mummy 8 billion times a day/night!! Hats off to anyone working at home and holding everything else together you're bloody amazing.
YANBU at all op. Apart from the cake icing I could have written your post. I’m physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted, with no end in sight. No summer holiday childcare or grandparents. Holiday cancelled. Nothing to look forward too.0
I’m exhausted, same shit every day. Tbh I wouldn’t be icing a cake, and tonight would have chosen to watch tv instead of going for a walk.
You don’t need to get a grip I think many people feel like this.
Oh my goodness, thank you, I’m starting to feel relieved. I think it’s the isolation too. If I meet a neighbour, i find the chat is limited and I try not to moan. And my closest friends are experiencing really challenging personal circumstances so I don’t want to off load on them (though I know they would not mind). But it’s just bloody tiring. Thanks for being so kind and understanding. I feel I can exhale a little (ps to the cake is a bday one.. not just a routine task- I’m not that committed to home baking!) Bows to scabbyhorse in awe and thanks to precious posters for the kind words and useful links.
I’m working, pregnant (35 weeks) house is a building site thanks to lockdown stalling our extension, house is a tip and I have two demanding under 4s already. Every day is a struggle but then comes the guilt for feeling that way!
You have to carve the time out. I don’t do anything after 9 - kids are in bed - well, in their bedrooms, they can read or whatever but I am Most Displeased to see them after 9 so I don’t have them to deal with. I don’t work in the evenings (I’m not productive then anyway - I’d rather start early). DC get their own breakfast (I leave cereal and bowls out but they sort themselves out). If my bedroom door is shut during the day I am At Work and not supposed to be disturbed (this is not hugely effective but it does mean I get some chunks of work time in the day) and I also have no qualms about chucking them out in the garden for an hour at a time in decent weather.
I do NOT DO any housework etc after 9, except maybe sticking washing on the airer in wet weather. This is the only way to keep sane.
I've had no break for 12 weeks - ex husbands partner is covid phobic so the kids aren't allowed to visit or stay - all three here 24/7 with no adult company
I'm trying to work from home - work load increasing - working every day when normally work 3 days - home schooling DD3 was a nightmare - DD2 did nothing as she's year 11 so done with it!
DD1 got a job in a supermarket and works 35hrs - has done NO a level work - her 6th form tutor even turned up on the door step to try and help - she refuses to do anything - likes the money too much
the house is a midden - I'm exhausted and I miss my friends and my work mates - I miss ADULTS
I turned 50 with my weekend away cancelled and no fun
I hate this I hate hate hate it - when it's over the kids are going to their dads for a month and I'm going away!
I know you said primary school, but even primary school children can help around the house: they can tidy, they can dust and sweep, they can help unload the dishwasher (plastic stuff, silverware, etc), they can deliver piles of laundry to rooms, they can hand you laundry to hang, etc.
And put them to bed earlier and draw a line. Tell them they can look at books in bed and listen to music for 30-60 minutes or whatever is reasonable based on age, then it will be lights out. But if they bother you during that time with stupid things, lights will go out immediately. And if they take the piss after that time, no lights on time the next day. I imagine most children won't want to lose it.
You HAVE to force them give you time to yourselves, even if it means plunking them in front of cartoons with some snacks.And meals don't have to be fancy every night. Use the easy freezer meal options to give yourself a break sometimes. Minimal clean up, too.
I’ve actually started to enjoy ironing because it means DH has to look after DC while I iron and I can listen to a podcast while my hands are busy. It’s the only time I get to occupy my mind with something - the rest is just relentless childcare.
I have found lockdown exhausting, even though I like spending time at home. It's somehow both dull and tense because you're waiting for something (possibly something bad) to happen, and mostly nothing happens. Be really nice to yourself, lower your standards and take as much extra rest as you can. We will get through it in the end.
This is so reassuring! Thank you all! I never iron but that is actually a good suggestion to carve some space - I have discovered audible over lockdown so would enjoy listening to that while I pretend to iron.. And you are right, primary schoolers should help (mine do nothing!) but this would be a good time to explain that parents need help too and situations arise that require all hands on deck, even little hands. Thank you so much for your helpful reponses.
I find that having a shower is the main way to get time to myself at the moment. 2 of my 3 have SN and sleep is for the weak here 😫.
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