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About shielding..

(167 Posts)
cornish009 Sat 20-Jun-20 14:38:10

My husband received THE letter back in March and the household have all shielded with him since then. This means none of us have been out of the house or garden (thankfully a big one) for any reason at all for about 13/14 weeks now. All food obtained is via getting deliveries, often staying up all night to get a slot, and all medicines delivered too. No one has been into our house either in that time. It's been so hard emotionally, as we miss our other children/grandchildren desperately but we have stuck to the rules 100% simply to save my husand's life.

I totally believe that everyone should do what they need to do during this time. Every family is different and every health issue is different. There is no right and wrong. And I have no right to criticise anyone else's decisions.

However, time and time again I read on here from someone who is "shielding", who then say they just go to the supermarket or out for exercise or to meet someone, even if that is socially distanced. I don't mean they are wrong to do that, not at all, but I personally don't call that shielding.

I ask because now if I use the word "shielding" to others, they assume it's being a bit careful, and going outside at quiet times, when to us shielding is not yet going out at all. I have found over the weeks that more and more people don't qute understand that we are at home all the time, and have to stay there, and no we can't go to Tescos at 8am. No the children in our household can't go back to school because we are shielding and it would not be safe for them to come back into the safe haven we have created. Others think of us as very weird for doing what we do but as I say I consider it life and death.

So AIBU to think that if you have been out of the house, for any reason, then you are not completely shielding? You can do that, of course you can, but please don't say you are shielding if you go outside sometimes. Or am I the only one who feels this way?

ps and yes perfectly aware at some point we will need to re-join society, but that time is not yet.

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Dreamersandwishers Sat 20-Jun-20 14:46:53

Why does it matter to you?
You are doing what you think is right per the advice, why would you not believe that others are doing their best?
Maybe, although they also got the letter, somehow they didn’t get registered for a priority delivery? Or they don’t have the means to do online orders?
Or maybe their mental health was suffering.

Dreamersandwishers Sat 20-Jun-20 14:48:07

Oh and yes, YABU

Redcherries Sat 20-Jun-20 14:50:27

You’d best let the government know, if you read the guidelines it says we can go for exercise and still call us shielded, you should ask them to correct it.

Good for you for going above and beyond the guidelines but some people are struggling to get food, medicine etc.

I had to go for vaccinations, I guess now I’m not shielded I’ll pop to bloody primark.

Redcherries Sat 20-Jun-20 14:57:02

Also, you say your thankfully big garden, you know some shielders are in flats, some with kids and no gardens.

We’re all trying to get through this and finding our own paths, knocking each other down is crappy.

NervousInYorkshire Sat 20-Jun-20 14:57:14

Well, I've been out for a couple of solo walks* since they changed the shielding guidance to say that we could. If I'm following the shielding guidance, how am I breaking shielding?

*other than that, zero house leaving. I've been able to get food and prescriptions delivered.

I kind of get where you're coming from OP, I'm getting ratty with the 'I am shielding but ignoring all the guidance' people.

bigchris Sat 20-Jun-20 14:57:44

How old are your children and are you going to keep them in until a vaccine is found ?

How will you cope for money ?

Spied Sat 20-Jun-20 14:59:26

My DM got a letter and is shielding.
I do her shopping etc YET she insists on going to the local village shop and for a walk around the block which therefore means she isn't shielding be at all and it really annoys me when she uses the word shielding.
A friend told me she'd seen my DM in the street and my dm had told her she was shielding for 3 months hmm.
Yanbu.

NervousInYorkshire Sat 20-Jun-20 14:59:27

By the way, anyone having problems getting deliveries can ask for NHS volunteers to get their shopping/prescriptions.

cornish009 Sat 20-Jun-20 14:59:57

Why does it matter to you?

I totally and completely believe that it is up to every individual to do as they think best. I am sorry if that did not come across in my post because I genuinely feel that way. They are not wrong at all for doing what they need to do. As I said every case is individual.

I meant to say that others who are saying they are "shielding" but then go out, are, in my opinion, not using the correct terminology. And that means the word shielding is being watered down - and I am finding it more difficult to get others to understand our own situation (eg getting something delivered) because we do not go out.

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heartsonacake Sat 20-Jun-20 15:02:23

Why do you care what people think of when you say “shielding”?

Why do they need to know exactly what you have or haven’t been through during lockdown?

Why do you try to get others to understand?

SauvignonBlanche Sat 20-Jun-20 15:03:06

YABU

The guidance here states that:

The rest of your household do not need to start shielding themselves, but they should do what they can to support you in shielding and to carefully follow guidance on staying alert and safe (social distancing)
You and the rest of your family or household should try to follow this advice as far as you are able. There is no need for other members of your household to follow the shielding measures themselves.

Your interpretation of the guidelines is your decision, others have interpreted it differently.

It has now been updated to include:

If you wish to spend time outdoors (though not in other buildings, households, or enclosed spaces) you should take extra care to minimise contact with others by keeping 2 metres apart.
If you choose to spend time outdoors, this can be with members of your own household. If you live alone, you can spend time outdoors with one person from another household (ideally the same person each time).

I see what you mean about supermarkets and people claiming to be shielding but it’s clear that
Shielding is for your personal protection and it’s your choice to decide whether to follow the measures we advise

You don’t know everyone’s personal circumstances DH had to venture into a shop yesterday though really didn’t want to does that mean in your opinion he’s not shielding anymore? hmm

kirstinm Sat 20-Jun-20 15:03:38

Firstly, not everyone is in the position to be able to completely shield as a household. Some have partners or family who have had to go to work throughout, or for essential shopping.

I've been out for three walks since early March. I've also had to go to the doctor, which undeniably has more risk than the walks did. I suppose then by your definition of the word no I am not 'shielding' as you put it. But my life has changed immeasurably, so much so that I can't see how I can get it back. The walks gave me a tiny bit of normality.

With the best will in the world when will you re-enter society? This isn't going away.

Wolfiefan Sat 20-Jun-20 15:06:33

I was specifically told that the kids could return to school and DH to work even though I was supposed to be shielding. And the GP said I was safe to walk the dogs.
It’s not a competition.
You do it your way and I’ll do what I’ve been advised. Doesn’t mean I’m not shielding.

sirfredfredgeorge Sat 20-Jun-20 15:09:01

But they are, there are still reasons to go out as shielders, personally I'm astonished that you are able to remain physically active enough inside your house - but perhaps you have sufficient equipment (treadmills, exercise bikes, weights etc.) and a large enough property to manage it, but most people don't, they need to go out for aerobic exercise at least. That's why shielders are not expected to never leave the house, particularly those who not the extremely vulnerable individual as they of course may require a lot less to maintain there own fitness depending on the health reasons they at extra risk.

You are the ones doing more than required, so its you who want the different language - and you have a simple one "we don't go out at all", no need for everyone else to change their language to meet you.

MrsMcCarthysfamousScones Sat 20-Jun-20 15:09:13

YABU. I have a shielded person at home. I have to work because I can’t afford unpaid leave.

PhoenixIsFlying Sat 20-Jun-20 15:18:21

I am shielding however, I am a single parent with two dogs and a communal garden. Each day we go to the park as I have to walk my dogs and give my child some outside space. Yes I do say I am shielding.

LethargicLumpOfLockdownLard Sat 20-Jun-20 15:20:27

Plenty of my shielding patients are still coming in to the surgery (allowed to go out for medical care), would you call that not shielding?

iolaus Sat 20-Jun-20 15:20:42

My son's school did ask that any child who has been shielding or lives in a house where a member has received a shielding letter stays home for the remainder of the term

Kaj29 Sat 20-Jun-20 15:22:41

I have a friend who has her elderly parents living with her. Although their age makes them vulnerable they don’t have any underlying health issues. She refers to their situation as shielding as her parents don’t go out. But she does.. all the time.. I’m not just talking about going to the shops. So yeah you’re right. Social distancing is one thing, shielding is another!

autumnmum Sat 20-Jun-20 15:23:06

YABU my DM is sheilding but has recently played golf with another friend who is also sheilding. Both of them live on their own and golf is the only reason they have gone outside. My mums mental health was really begining to suffer. She is a retired nurse and fully able to assess the risks to her. I'm happy because she's happy. If it makes you feel better she has a DNR and a no ventilation note on her medical records so if she gets it she will most likely die due to her ruined immune system.
That is her informed choice. You've chosen to interpret shielding rules in a very draconian way - that is your choice. Also if you are on the official list and properly registered you can get your shopping delivered even if you live very rurally like I do. I still can't get a shopping slot but my mum gets one every week because she is prioritised. My mum has accepted she can't come to our house, can't go out to the shops, cinema, theater restaurants etc etc until there is a vaccine, but a few hours on a golf course has done her the power of good.

cornish009 Sat 20-Jun-20 15:25:44

I am truly very, very sorry everyone. I realise you are correct in everything you say. Please forgive me for such a self indulgent post - although I repeat I do not, or would never, ever criticise anyone else's decisions during this time of crisis.

I was feeling so alone and so desperate for someone to understand out situation, but I have now made myself feel much worse and more alone by thinking as I do. I had felt the shielded group were being forgotten, as we have had no help or support at all. But realise now that our decision to stay home 100% is what has caused my current distress and therefore I must accept the emotional side effects that come along with it.

I did not mean to boast about having a big garden either. Again I am sorry.

OP’s posts: |
cornish009 Sat 20-Jun-20 15:27:29

You’d best let the government know, if you read the guidelines it says we can go for exercise and still call us shielded, you should ask them to correct it.

I am so sorry redcherries and totally understand how others have had to make different decisions to ourselves, just in order to survive. I wish you well.

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QuaverQueen Sat 20-Jun-20 15:29:59

Good luck to you in your garden, DH is shielding on a futon in the front room as I’m a full NHS nurse doing all shopping etc. We can’t all stay in. sad

cornish009 Sat 20-Jun-20 15:30:12

By the way, anyone having problems getting deliveries can ask for NHS volunteers to get their shopping/prescriptions

Thank you, yes. I have had to use this once a couple of months ago, when my husband needed medication urgently. We were so grateful. Thankfully apart from that one occasion we have been okay.

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