TLDR: Is it unreasonable not to be held to a 24 hour turnaround on text messages by a friend when I am working my arse off setting up 3 businesses trying desperately to avoid bankruptcy?
Due to lockdown I'm unemployed and DH is furloughed but only only £500 per month as he is self employed via a Ltd company.
Our income went from c£10k per month after tax to £1k per month which nowhere near covers our outgoings! We have burned through our savings and are on the precipice of financial disaster.
Due to the above we have set up three new businesses during lockdown. All are in start up phase which means tonnes of work, they are starting to generate some income (not enough to be back from financial disaster but every little helps and it's promising that maybe we might be able to dig ourselves out of this hole).
I feel like this is important context/background.
I have a friend, we'll call her Claire. Claire is very troubled - she has multiple MH issues. A lot of the time she's perfectly lovely company, sometimes the way she reacts to things can make her a real pain in the arse. Due to being a pain in the arse she's alienated herself from all of our mutual friends. I am her last friend.
She has asked to see me once a week because she's having a difficult time (has been for 3 years). I agreed because I felt sorry for her and seemed like the right thing to do even though I'm really busy with the businesses.
Due to having a difficult time she cancels and reschedules c. 80% of these meet ups over the past year due to insomnia/flashbacks/low mood/anxiety.
Fine. I decided not to be annoyed about this, be glad to have the time back and just reschedule.
I sometimes take a few days to get back to her texts about meeting up due to busyness - example is she texted me last Sunday night about meeting up this weekend. I replied on Weds afternoon that I had plans.
She said "Hi X please can you let me know within a day or so when it comes to making arrangements, so that I can make my own plans. My time is just as important as yours x"
I felt a bit pissed off TBH as a) She cancels 80% of our plans, which while I understand the reasons for, seems a bit rich to then put the last sentence b) I won't be held to some kind of 24 hour SLA on text messages when I'm busy as fuck trying to keep our head above water.
I replied "I’ll do my best but I definitely won’t always be able to reply within 24 hours as crazy busy.
I’d say if I haven’t got back and something else comes up that you want to do - say yes to that thing and just let me know that you’re not available on the original day anymore. I think that’s how most people deal with similar situations." Then went on in the text to chat about meeting on Monday.
Now she wants to "talk about it when we see each other"
My inclination is to stick to what I said in my text message - as in "Claire, I understand you're having tough times but so are we, I'm working my arse off just to stay afloat and I won't commit to always coming back within a day because I know that won't always be possible. If something else comes up for you then and I haven't got back to you then either a) text me to say 'are you on for Saturday because I've got another option?' and that will give me an extra nudge to come back or b) do the other thing and we'll find another time'
I know she thinks I'm being massively unreasonable, am I?
Sorry, long post!
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93 replies
wheresmymojo · 20/06/2020 12:23
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