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To call other women out on ignoring my presence?

(270 Posts)
Bluehues Sat 20-Jun-20 09:29:45

Is it just me or does anyone else experience this when out and about with their OH? It happens to me a lot! Females he knows, or even ones I've been introduced to, will approach us and talk to him as if I am invisible. It really gets to me, it's so rude! Yesterday a women called to our house to drop something off to my DH he'd ordered from her DH's business. I've met her previously at a country fair type thing a few years ago where she attempted to be crazily over familiar with DH, which he rebuffed, but she didn't once acknowledge me even though I was stood right beside him. Fast forward to yesterday and she knocks, I answer, she asks me if DH "lives here?" I felt like saying yeah he rents a room off me. DH appears in the porch (by coincidence, we were on our way out) and so she again cuts me out and speaks to him as if they're alone. Then!.., 10mins later we bump into her on our walk, she comes over the road completely ignoring my presence yet again, coo's over our baby asking my DH all about "his" baby as if he's a single parent. I butted in a few times with normal conversation but I'm starting to think I should outright ask women like her if they can see me!? She's just one example of many. Please tell me I'm not the only one this happens to, and do you call them out on it, or let it slide?

OP’s posts: |
crispysausagerolls Sat 20-Jun-20 09:30:55

I hate the phrase “call someone out”.

formerbabe Sat 20-Jun-20 09:32:14

No, this has never happened to me.

GiveMyHeadPeaceffs Sat 20-Jun-20 09:33:24

Eh? I've never experienced this. In fact it's more likely that my DP is ignored as he's very quiet.

ThanosSavedMe Sat 20-Jun-20 09:35:21

I had this happen a long long time ago. It was obvious she was trying it on with them bf now dh. It was hilarious. She made herself look so pathetic. Dh was not at all interested so o had no problem it all

How does your dh react to her?

Pelleas Sat 20-Jun-20 09:35:39

The woman you've talked about in your OP seems to have a business connection with your husband - he's a client of her husband if I've read it correctly - could it be that, as the customer, he is the one she is trying to butter up? It sounds rude, anyway, but I don't think it's worth a confrontation - I'd just try to cut people like that out of my life.

slipperywhensparticus Sat 20-Jun-20 09:36:55

Yes I've had this its irritating

Ie. does x stay here? My husband? Yes why?

LuluBellaBlue Sat 20-Jun-20 09:37:06

I’ve never experienced this!
I mean this in the kindest way, but could it be that you’re sensitive to this and so are looking for this,l to happen and then act hostile towards other women making them feel uncomfortable and so only chat to husband?

You stated:

but she didn't once acknowledge me even though I was stood right beside him

My immediate thought was: but you didn’t acknowledge her either.

Is this something that happened when you were younger / with one of your parents or with any other past partners / boyfriends etc?

Hoppinggreen Sat 20-Jun-20 09:37:32

Nope, never happened to me either
I also hate the phrase “ call someone out” it sounds very aggressive. You can politely challenge behaviour you don’t like though

ChinookPilotsGoVertical Sat 20-Jun-20 09:37:58

I hate the phrase "call someone out" as well, where I come from it means go outside for a fight.

lankylemon Sat 20-Jun-20 09:38:12

If it happens so much, is it possible that maybe you’re taking offence a bit too easily?

If I was dropping something off right now, in a global pandemic, I don’t think I would stand around making chit chat.

Iwalkinmyclothing Sat 20-Jun-20 09:39:26

Females, eh.

0v9c99f9g9d939d9f9g9h8h Sat 20-Jun-20 09:39:37

I smile blandly and seize the opportunity to walk on. Yes, it happens. My DH doesn't like having to extricate himself from these situations. He's better at it on his own. Why do people do it though? No idea. Couldn't care less.

sammylady37 Sat 20-Jun-20 09:41:26

What on earth is wrong with her asking if your dh lived there? She was to drop something off to him so was ensuring she had the right house. I don’t see why you’d perceive that as odd and consider responding sarkily?

heartsonacake Sat 20-Jun-20 09:43:52

YABU. Sounds like you’re creating problems from nothing due to jealousy and insecurity. I can’t actually see what she did wrong here confused

Milssofadoesntreallyfit Sat 20-Jun-20 09:44:39

It's happened to me before, however before it happened I had poked fun out of my husband that said female fancied him, he didn't believe me. When it did happen it was so obvious it was uncomfortable, he again said I was being daft but I think he was embarrassed. Would I have pulled her up? I did tell him if it happened again I would as it was so obvious. Ivr had it where I met a bloke I knew and his wife was there, he fancied me, admitted it previously. He said hi I went to speak to his wife and say hello he took over and froze her out it was awful, I avoid him after that it was shameful of him.

Bluehues Sat 20-Jun-20 09:53:20

Milssofadoesntreallyfit

It's happened to me before, however before it happened I had poked fun out of my husband that said female fancied him, he didn't believe me. When it did happen it was so obvious it was uncomfortable, he again said I was being daft but I think he was embarrassed. Would I have pulled her up? I did tell him if it happened again I would as it was so obvious. Ivr had it where I met a bloke I knew and his wife was there, he fancied me, admitted it previously. He said hi I went to speak to his wife and say hello he took over and froze her out it was awful, I avoid him after that it was shameful of him.


Yes we laughed at it the first incident with her as well, he was perplexed by it before I even spoke, so yesterday just highlighted it again

OP’s posts: |
Bluehues Sat 20-Jun-20 09:54:08

heartsonacake

YABU. Sounds like you’re creating problems from nothing due to jealousy and insecurity. I can’t actually see what she did wrong here confused


It doesn't make me feel insecure or jealous, I just don't like rude people

OP’s posts: |
Bluehues Sat 20-Jun-20 09:57:11

I'm not imagining it, my DH notices it too. It doesn't make me feel insecure or jealous. I just don't like rude people. She knows I'm his wife, so me answering the door and her asking me if my husband and I live together, to me is a strange question. Let's not focus too much on this particular women though, I only used her as an example because it happened yesterday. When I say it happens to me a lot, I mean it's happened more than twice, which to me, is more than enough

OP’s posts: |
BreatheAndFocus Sat 20-Jun-20 09:58:20

Yes, this has happened to me. It especially happened in work where most of the team were female and my now-ex was one of the few males. Women would come across and ask him how the house move was going, how baby was, etc, and I was standing right beside him! It used to really piss me off!

I didn’t call them out on it but I did try to enter the conversation if possible. In many cases, it seemed to be a need to ‘mother’ him rather than attraction.

borntohula Sat 20-Jun-20 09:58:35

'Females,' lol.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER Sat 20-Jun-20 10:01:33

Some women just do this. Often the type who don’t really like other women much and want male attention - and preferably their admiration.
It’s usually easy to spot the type at 50 paces, at least my own antennae can generally spot them.

Alittleshortforaspacepooper Sat 20-Jun-20 10:01:54

I have known people like this but it's not just women, men do it too.

I've always thought they did it simply because they are rude.

I wouldn't say "am I invisible" but if she cuts you off when you are speaking it would be fine to say "excuse I was speaking". DH needs to back you up though.

heartsonacake Sat 20-Jun-20 10:04:27

It doesn't make me feel insecure or jealous, I just don't like rude people

Okay, so let’s break it down.

Fast forward to yesterday and she knocks, I answer, she asks me if DH "lives here?"

What’s the problem with this? If you‘ve only met her once before, several years ago, she probably isn’t going to remember you and was double checking she had the right address.

so she again cuts me out and speaks to him as if they're alone.

Or it’s just that she saw she had the right address and had found the right person so conversed with them over the matter at hand.

She didn’t refuse to acknowledge you. She didn’t ignore you. She just didn’t have anything more to say to you.

she comes over the road completely ignoring my presence yet again, coo's over our baby asking my DH all about "his" baby as if he's a single parent.

It is his baby. Just as it’s your baby. Being his baby doesn’t also stop it being your baby. You are oversensitive here.

I butted in a few times with normal conversation but I'm starting to think I should outright ask women like her if they can see me!?

Butting in is rude behaviour from you. She doesn’t know you, you’ve only met once, and in this climate not hanging around for too much social chit chat is best.

You don’t have to be involved in every conversation your partner is. He is allowed his own friendships and relationships with others without your input.

I stand by my initial assessment and really can’t see that she did anything wrong or was being rude at all. It’s all in your head.

LindaLovesCake Sat 20-Jun-20 10:04:50

Perhaps you come off as unfriendly so people pick up on those non-verbal cues and automatically gravitate towards him as the more approachable option.

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