I'm abit nervous about writing this because as adults we are no longer allowed to blame our parents for our choices.
I was feeling abit low this morning. So I was over the moon when my sister called who is usually always too busy to chat. I answered and we had a nice catch up. Then we got on the subject of our mum. She is hard to please. Our kids are either too loud or too quiet. Don't have enough or have too much. She was abit useless with us as we grew up and didn't give us alot of encouragement. She never worked. But my dad worked full time and no benefits were claimed. She was always cleaning up, reading books or just doing the days routine. She wasn't spontaneous. She didn't even take us for random walks.... I know things have changed in the parenting world. I'm 32 now. But it's kind of hitting me in lockdown that I failed at life at certain points because of my upbringing.
It started when I was a teen. Not being able to get a hug or talk to my mum. She would tell us to get on with it or not be pathetic etc. No warmth. No support. Leaving school I knew I was very interested in working in a hospital. My mum didn't have any interest in boosting us. Telling us what we could do. I remember her saying I needed a job or to go to college. She had no further suggestions than that. So I got a job in a highstreet shop. I could have made a bunch of memories and friends that lasted a life time. But I had never been out for a meal or socialised much. My mum and dad used to tell us to sit and behave at family gatherings. All my cousin's would be up dancing and we would just sit and watch. Then my mum's started commenting on my legs being chunky. I was a size 10 but had always had runners legs. Her words never left me. I believed I couldn't wear the dresses others wore. I was pale and had ugly legs in my mind. So I declined all the invites. Then I tried to learn to drive. I failed three times. On the third it was because I went at 50 on a country lane. They failed me because I didn't get to 60. It didn't feel necessary to go that fast. But I failed on that. My dad said you may aswel pack it up now. So I gave up!
I then got a job in pharmacy for two years. I was really interested in medicine. It was just unforunate our boss was a horrible bitchy women. So I left for my own happiness. I did home care for a year and did my nvq. My mum didn't believe I could do homecare. She thought i would be useless. But I loved it.
I fell pregnant with my first baby in 2014 and stopped working. We planned two children and agreed I'd stay home with the kids until my youngest starts childcare. Then I would love to look Into working and driving.
Me and my sister were both agreeing this morning that we have no ambition. It's like we think we don't belong. We would be crap at everything. Neither of us got a career or learned to drive. Neither of us has travelled or been abroad. Although we've had UK holidays. I go every year. Our kids have eaten out and already have done lots of things.
I don't know if lockdown is getting to me. Just as spring began we were locked down. So I've not had chance to meet the school mums At the park. Or make new mum friends as it's my DD first year at school. I have not seen anyone since lockdown has loosened.
Does anyone else wish they had had more confidence when they were younger?
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To worry I'm not doing enough
26 replies
Bananaxsmoothiex · 19/06/2020 14:59
OP posts:
Am I being unreasonable?
30 votes. Final results.
POLL
You are being unreasonable
37%
You are NOT being unreasonable
63%
Wearywithteens ·
19/06/2020 15:58
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This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.
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