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To say no to this party invitation

(153 Posts)
concernedforthefuture Fri 19-Jun-20 07:59:22

DS(9) has just been invited to a friend's birthday party this weekend (it will be a garden party).
The host family have 2 children (inc birthday child) plus Mum and Dad. I'm not sure how many children are invited but DS isn't a very close friend of the birthday child so I'm assuming more than 2, which means that it's likely there will be more than 6 people present.
So therefore going to the party would be against the rules, right (we're in England)? Birthday mum has gone to great lengths to explain how she will supply hand gel, encourage the kids to keep 2m apart etc. and they have an outside loo so no-one needs to go into the house. Although their garden isn't huge, I'm not particularly concerned about the risk of catching CV but it doesn't sit right with me - this shouldn't be happening.
AIBU to say no? Or even check how many would be there perhaps without looking rude? If more than 6, how can I politely decline without upsetting the mum or birthday child by making it sound that I'm being critical of their choice to host a party when it's currently not allowed?

OP’s posts: |
user1498647726 Fri 19-Jun-20 08:14:12

YANBU. I'm finding it draining with everyone now bending/breaking the rules/guidelines. Yes, yes, 'common sense' 'personal responsibility', 'risk assess' :then why have the sodding rules? 60k odd excess deaths, all the sacrifices and hard work of lockdiwn, and yet still selfish exceptionalism.

WineIsMyMainVice Fri 19-Jun-20 08:14:59

I would decline.

Howyahun Fri 19-Jun-20 08:16:15

Just say that you’re uncomfortable about breaking the rules but you wish them well. Surely THEY should be the uncomfortable ones since they are the ones breaking the rules?

RedskyAtnight Fri 19-Jun-20 08:20:49

Why don't you check how many people are coming before you assume there are more than 6?

If the party is for the weekend and your DC has only just been invited, there's a strong possibility they may have had quite a lot of rejections already. (and if Mum and Dad stay in the house, which they could quite reasonably do with 9 year olds, they don't count in the 6 person gathering)

YouDirtyMare Fri 19-Jun-20 08:22:39

I'd just say thank you but we have vulnerable people in our family so are sticking to the original guidelines, hope you have a lovely time and hopefully catch up soon
It's not a big deal to put your family first

Molocosh Fri 19-Jun-20 08:39:09

My friend wants to book a night out because she’s gagging for a drink and a party. People have declined because they still don’t feel it’s safe, and even if the venue is open they don’t fancy going out if they have to wear a mask and hide behind plastic dividers and keep disinfecting their hands. That’s not fun! Of course she’s livid with the people who’ve refused. Some people are just so desperate to carry on as normal that they don’t consider whether it’s safe to do so. I wouldn’t attend a party right now OP and wouldn’t feel guilty about refusing.

Pegaroo Fri 19-Jun-20 08:40:13

No, that would be a rule break too far for me.

BabyLlamaZen Fri 19-Jun-20 08:44:19

I'd ask who else was going, but probably still wouldnt. Ridiculous.

Beautiful3 Fri 19-Jun-20 09:01:25

I would decline.

BobbinThreadbare123 Fri 19-Jun-20 09:07:38

It's a rule breaker. I'd be declining.
I'd just like to say, OP, how much I love that you've called it an invitation and not a bloody 'invite'. star

Mrskeats Fri 19-Jun-20 09:17:03

No way.

OnlyFoolsnMothers Fri 19-Jun-20 09:20:06

I’d go- but my LO is back in nursery, mixing So I see no issue.
You can decline- don’t be so rude as to say “because we are sticking to the rules”- just don’t go.

Mrskeats Fri 19-Jun-20 09:42:12

That's so illogical only
Just because your child is back in nursery why would you increase risk further? Mad.

starrynight87 Fri 19-Jun-20 09:45:32

It's a risk you don't need to take

OnlyFoolsnMothers Fri 19-Jun-20 09:49:38

Mrskeats how is it illogical- if it’s the same children mixing on a Friday as a Saturday.

TheTurnOfTheScrew Fri 19-Jun-20 09:51:56

I think fine to say no, and would do so as the nature of my and DH's jobs means we have to be seen to be sticking to the rules, even though I'm not hugely bothered from a personal risk perspective as one of my DC is in school.

In your position I might conjure up a vulnerable family member you're helping out as a reason not to break the rules.

PhilTheGroundhog Fri 19-Jun-20 09:52:49

I just used the responses on this thread to decline an invitation myself.

Thank you, everyone!

SeasonFinale Fri 19-Jun-20 09:54:37

It is not rude to say he is not coming because you are sticking to the rules. It is however rude to be cross if people decline invitations because they are.

concernedforthefuture Fri 19-Jun-20 09:55:06

Thanks everyone. In response the the PP with a child in nursery, I would probably feel differently if they were back at school together, but they are not (yr4 and 5). I suppose I could ask how many will be there but felt a bit awkward doing so. It's probably best just to decline. DS hasn't seen any friends since lockdown started so would probably be a bit excitable and hard to trust with respect to social distancing anyway.

OP’s posts: |
epythymy Fri 19-Jun-20 10:00:30

mrskeats because the virus risk to my children is basically zero. The risks to their mental well wellbeing, socialisation, happiness etc is much higher. I'd love a parent to suggest a play date tbh

RedskyAtnight Fri 19-Jun-20 10:09:40

I suppose I could ask how many will be there but felt a bit awkward doing so.

Why would you feel awkward - you say the mum has been at pains to reassure you that it will be safe - so why would she not be more than happy to answer any questions you have about it?

As it happens my DS has also been invited to a weekend birthday garden gathering. We've told him he can only go on the proviso that there are no more than 6 people coming (there aren't and birthday child's parents and sibling are staying in the house ,so don't count as part of numbers), there is room to socially distance (there is) and they won't be sharing food utensils (individual food being provided). As far as I know he hasn't upset anyone by asking these questions! In fact, I'd go so far as to say if someone was upset by being asked about their safety provision at this time, then I definitely wouldn't let my child go there - I think that would give you a guide as to how they feel about following lockdown rules.

(Granted DS is 16 not 9, but I'm not sure the basic safety around the event is any different).

lanthanum Fri 19-Jun-20 10:13:05

I don't get the outside loo bit. Similarly with a local attraction who have obtained a portaloo so people don't have to enter the building. Being outside the building doesn't make it any less likely that covid will remain on the surfaces, and in all likelihood it will be harder to wipe down.

Mascotte Fri 19-Jun-20 10:16:04

I'd say yes as they're kids and nice to have some fun with minuscule risk.

But if you go decline, just say thank you but you're child is unable to attend. Don't analyse the host's choices.

bridgetreilly Fri 19-Jun-20 10:18:02

I'd just like to say, OP, how much I love that you've called it an invitation and not a bloody 'invite'.


@OnlyFoolsnMothers Because every interaction between those children increases the risk of passing on infection between them. That is why we are all minimising social interactions and have been doing for the past 3 months, ffs. Yes, we are increasing the number of interactions allowed as the infection rates are decreasing, but we are doing that slowly, in a measured way. Just because one kind of interaction is allowed doesn't mean it's now sensible to start allowing anything and everything.

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