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Is my past or present pushing away my wife?

(5 Posts)
Dadhelp999 Thu 18-Jun-20 22:30:01

Hi,
I have examined the numerous sites that google has to offer and still have no answer, so I apologise for intruding on what seems like an extremely remarkable forum.
I am a father of two (for full exposure - 1 from a 1 night stand and 1 from a previous marriage). My previous wife left me (once again, for honesty - the reason we discussed was she wasn’t happy ((3 years)). I see both my children and they have their own clothes, bedroom, toys, bikes etc here.
I met my wonderful wife approximately 9 months after the marriage breakdown (I had my daughter full time due to my ex-wife being out of the country for six months). I restrained myself from being too involved, however, she was just perfect. Fast forward nearly six years and it is just as good.
Problem: we have waited to ensure it’s the right time to conceive, we decided 8 months ago to try. However, still no luck (I understand the frustration some of you may feel at this point, I can only duly apologise). My wife has appeared significantly distant since this. COVID-19 may play a factor also. My ultimate feeling is I’m failing such a wonderful person and I’m not sure how to approach the subject. We are light hearted and I don’t want it to sound like a cry for help (as it isn’t) more of a I love you and I want it to make you happy.

Sorry for the long message! Any advice how to open up to her etc will extremely Helpful

OP’s posts: |
Plumpi Thu 18-Jun-20 22:35:15

Just ask, "you seem so distant lately. Can you tell me why?"?

Stompythedinosaur Thu 18-Jun-20 22:37:43

How long have you been trying, and how old is your wife? When I didn't conceive in my first year of trying my GP told me that 70% of couples get pregnant in the first year, and of those who didn't 70% will get pregnant in the second year.

I'm not totally sure what advice you are wanting - if it is practical advice Then the NHS website has a lot. We used ovulation tests to help. It wasn't especially romantic tbh as if I was ovulating then dp was expected to step up to the mark.

If it's more about how to support your dw during what must be a terrible time, then I would just say keep talking to her. Maybe acknowledge that though you are sad, her fear of never having a dc must be terrible.

This may not be for everyone, but I found a pet to be a huge comfort during the time I was struggling to conceive.

EmeraldShamrock Thu 18-Jun-20 22:37:48

It is early days TTC it doesn't happen for everyone straight away.
It took us a year to conceive both. Stress doesn't help it is hard not to worry but counterproductive. Keep trying your DW seems disappointed that is normal when trying to conceive without luck.

Thedogscollar Thu 18-Jun-20 22:39:10

I would just sit her down and tell her exactly what you've told us. It's clear how much you love her and maybe she is distant due to Covid or it might be concerning her that she hasn't conceived yet.
Just be honest with how you feel and I'm sure she will open up to you and let you know how she is feeling. Communication is the key to any successful relationship so talk to her as soon as possible.

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