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Dh unsupportive of job...or I work too much

(92 Posts)
Feellikedancing88 Thu 18-Jun-20 18:48:59

Dh and I have very different jobs.

Dh is a team leader in a very manual, skilled, job. Works shifts, and very much has the attitude of goes in on time, finishes when shift finishes, doesn't bring work home with. Unable to work from home due to nature of the job. Doesn't really enjoy the job but it pays well.

I have an office based role. Usual office hours although quite flexible in terms of hours to work round childcare etc (core hours 10 - 4, start and end times can vary) lower managerial role. Really enjoy my job. Have been working at home since the start of lockdown, and prior to this usually worked 1 day a week at home as normal.

I'm the higher earner but not by much.

Since lockdown, a lot of the teams have been furloughed, with minimal staff kept on during this period. This has meant for those left on it has had times when it has been quite busy, but as its been odd days, rather than anyone else being brought back, the team in have just covered, meaning some longer hours etc.

Its now starting to get much busier as lockdown is easing so more team members are back in July, however for the next 2 weeks its going to busy for everyone in. The team all know this and are all prepared to work the extra hours needed, knowing that come July we will be able to take some of this time back.

Today I started work at 830 (after school drop off, a few household chores etc) had a half hour lunch which I went for a quick run, and then finished at 515 when dinner was ready. This is a normal day for me.

Dh worked 7 - 2 so was in charge of picking dc up and cooking dinner.

Dh did dinner for 1715, I finished my call a couple of minutes before and came down to a dh in a foul mood saying I work too much, should be logging off at 4pm to spend time with him and dc and that he was fed up of me working so much.

Tried explaining this was a normal day and I hadn't worked longer. Was accused of not wanting to spend time with them.

Would anyone else class this as a long day ?

OP’s posts: |
oblada Thu 18-Jun-20 18:56:19

I'd class this as a normal day. I start around 830 (though officially 930) and finish at 1800 but often 1830 and quite a few times a week I'll do a couple more hours here and there. But then my DH does the same but earlier. Starts around 0700 (though officially 0800) and finishes around 1700/1730. He takes a proper lunch break and deals with the kids then. I only take about 30mins for lunch max. We're both quite busy atm. He earns more than me but thats not really relevant, we do what's needed...

Suzie6789 Thu 18-Jun-20 18:56:26

Not by my standards. I have an office type role But currently WFH and try to stick to 9-5.30 ish, but it’s sometimes necessary to work extra. Typically I will work a bit extra everyday.

B9008 Thu 18-Jun-20 19:00:10

I think people who work set shifts sometimes struggle to understand the role of someone who doesn’t, especially as they get paid for extra hours and you don’t!

vanillandhoney Thu 18-Jun-20 19:04:39

8-5.30 seems pretty standard to me.

pointythings Thu 18-Jun-20 19:05:59

That's pretty normal. I usually work 7.30 - 16.00 but I'm reasonably senior so I'm expected to be flexible and in the early stages of COVID I did some 10 hours days and a couple of 14 hour days. It was just what was needed. I get to take the time back though, am having Friday afternoons off for quite some time yet. Equally my late husband used to have to work very very late (think midnight) now and then. Neither of us moaned about the other's long days.

Gingernaut Thu 18-Jun-20 19:07:38


I work 6-2 and often work longer.

Does he know how the rest of the world works?

Shoppingwithmother Thu 18-Jun-20 19:10:01

5.15pm is really early to eat dinner, surely?

Quartz2208 Thu 18-Jun-20 19:12:14

He is unsupportive that sounds like perfectly normal hours!

And you had a call?

nanbread Thu 18-Jun-20 19:13:24

I think that sounds normal...


I'm currently doing the childcare and meals and general household side of things while DH works and especially when it's raining it's hard and boring and monotonous and lonely. I suppose slightly different from you in that your DC go to school, but I wondered if it just got a bit much for him today. He shouldn't have had a go at you though.

PurBal Thu 18-Jun-20 19:13:50

Sounds normal to me. My current job is slightly fewer hours but 830-530 is basically every job I've ever had.

PurBal Thu 18-Jun-20 19:15:03

Also, it's really shit that people have been furloughed if you're busy. Fair enough if there's not enough work to go round but if there's work then it's hardly "fair"

Narrows Thu 18-Jun-20 19:16:21

Would he prefer you to be bustling about in a pinny tending to his and your child's every need, or something? hmm

Tell him that in the real world, this is a normal day. Bully for him if his job is manual and he can leave it at work and clock out without thinking of it again till he clocks back in, but a managerial role during lockdown and reopening is an entirely different kettle of fish.

Some people just can't grasp how different someone else's job can be to their own -- I'm an academic, and neither of my parents understand what I do, or why I might in fact be working longer hours out of termtime than in, or working at weekends. {'But don't you get overtime?')

hammeringinmyhead Thu 18-Jun-20 19:16:44

To be fair, I've always done 7.5 hours so would be doing 8.30 to 4.30 (same as 9 to 5).

Sounds more like he's struggled with solo parenting the kids from 2 to 5 on the rain to me but that's life.

hammeringinmyhead Thu 18-Jun-20 19:16:56

*in the rain

BlueJava Thu 18-Jun-20 19:18:38

For me 8:30am to 5:15pm would be a light day. I regularly start just before 8am, sometimes I finished at 6pm, but usually 7pm sometimes later. I'd be expected to take a call later if it was necessary. He seems very unreasonable to me. Personally I've been really careful to work exceptionally hard recently, pick up any slack, and generally go the extra mile - all companies need this at the moment and frankly I need the job. He (and you) would have a lot more hassle if you lost your job so any extra time and effort is worth it so you stand in good stead of keeping it.

AriettyHomily Thu 18-Jun-20 19:19:03

No I don't class it as a long day. I do 830 to around 1800 and it's an utterly normal length of day.

I do have occasional 2300/ midnight finishes when there is a deadline looming, that is a long day!

Rushhomeroad Thu 18-Jun-20 19:19:10

My DH has never had a job that he 'brings home with him' and so struggles to understand when I have to. I earn more per hour, but normally work part time to cover childcare. DH has had two periods of furlough so far and has picked up most of the homeschooling and housework whilst I have increased to full time. It's been a steep learning curve - mainly for the children to learn to ask Daddy and not Mummy, but we've coped without fights.
Definately sounds like a normal length for a working day - I regularly hop back on the computer once DC are in bed!

Fatted Thu 18-Jun-20 19:20:10

That's a normal day surely OP?!

Does he usually cook tea or is he suddenly now having to pull his weight a lot more because you're working a bit longer?

Its kind of hard being at home and working. I struggle with the transition and I know my kids do too. They just don't understand that when I'm here I'm still not available because I'm working. My DH on the other hand isn't arsed and just gets on with it as he usually would. He is already used to being home alone all day with the kids while I'm at work.

4amWitchingHour Thu 18-Jun-20 19:20:15

Totally normal day.

Is it actually that he wants you to make dinner? He can piss off if that's the case.

Rebelwithallthecause Thu 18-Jun-20 19:20:45

I did 8-5:30 for years and sometimes needed to do overtime

My DH hated it

He does 8-5 and never overtime

He didn’t understand why I did it

I’m on maternity leave now so not much of a concern but will have an effect on how I decide to return to work

Sandybval Thu 18-Jun-20 19:22:32

I wouldn't say your work day was particularly long, but do you find yourself doing odd bits of work in the evening or talking about work a lot? My DH works away, but when he is home it's all I hear about, and he always has to pop on and check his emails (he doesn't, but he wants to). It's teedious, feels like we come second to his job, and it nearly ended our marriage a few times (it's not about money as I earn double what he does). If you don't do that and it is just those hours then ask him what the issue is, does he feel he does more than his share of looking after DC? Talk to him about it, if he doesn't have an actual answer then tell him to be supportive instead of an arse.

Dozer Thu 18-Jun-20 19:22:36


ErickBroch Thu 18-Jun-20 19:22:56

YANBU - that isn't even what I would class as a long/busy day. I think a lot of office workers, like me and you, are automatically doing longer hours now home.

forrandomposts Thu 18-Jun-20 19:23:23

So you did the morning kid shifts while he went to work - great.

Then he did the afternoon kid shift while you were at work. Queue massive problem.

Only one problem here - him

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