DH never apologises

[Wonderrwall]

Whenever DH messes up eg makes the kids cry, forgets to do something I asked, says something hurtful, is generally thoughtless, he will never say sorry. He says I tell him off all the time and always turns it round so that he is the victim and it's never ever his fault. Is this normal in a relationship? Am I unreasonable to expect an apology when he messes up?

[ToBBQorNotToBBQ]

No, not normal. Hes sounds somewhat abusive.

[LannieDuck]

If he wants his children to apologise when they do something wrong, he needs to lead by example.

[bridgetreilly]

Apologising is a really important lifeskill. He needs to learn that it's okay to acknowledge when he's messed up, to apologise and to accept any consequences. And that life really is better when you aren't pretending you're always perfect.

[Shoxfordian]

He should apologise when he's in the wrong.
Sounds like a knob

[Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches]

He sounds awful!

And I’m not sure “makes the kids cry” ought to be a regular occurrence, not in circumstances where you think he should be apologising at any rate.

[newtb]

Stbxh, for a reason, never ever apologised. Don't think you count the type - I'm sorry if upset you.

Used to really piss me off almost being accused of being almost neurotic if his nastiness upset me.

[SHAR0N]

No it’s not normal.

Does he think he’s always right ?

[Twisique]

My husband is like this. It doesn't matter if its a small thing or a big thing, not acknowledging it makes it so much worse.

[Wonderrwall]

Thanks for the input. He doesn't make the kids cry so much now they're older but it's generally due to being insensitive or pressuring them into making a decision. It's always my fault somehow. If we talk about it he will sometimes admit he was in the wrong but gets very defensive and won't say sorry unless prompted; says it "doesn't occur to him" to apologise, as if that is ok. His usual excuse is it didn't occur to him or my fault. He will acknowledge this behaviour sometimes but doesn't actually change. Does anyone have suggestions for how I talk to him about it?

[DoTheFoxtrot]

I've had a few people in my life who were like this. They both matched the description of a narcissist, so might be worth reading up on. Not apologizing or taking ownership for bad behavior is classic narcissism apparently.

[ECBC]

Gosh that’s awful OP. He’s a grown man and needs to take responsibility for his actions. If he can’t that’s a failing in his part and not a good example for your children. I also worry about the impact this is having on your self esteem. It’s not normal for him to blame you or take it out on you

[Sparklesocks]

It’s part of being an adult - acknowledging when you’ve made a mistake or hurt someone. I’m always very wary of people who aren’t able to do it.