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Am I being unreasonable not wanting to loose weight?

(184 Posts)
Miss2009 Thu 18-Jun-20 15:04:31

I'm a 32 (soon to be 33) year old female. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over 10 years. I used to be a little underweight when we first met. I was forcing myself to eat a little bit more each week as I wanted to be at a healthy weight in order to conceive at some point in the future. 10 years later I am overweight and trying to loose a couple of stone to get back to a healthy weight again. We have never been on a proper holiday together, mainly because of affording it. We've had long weekends around the UK but I've always wanted to go somewhere on a beach with him for longer than a weekend. I have always believed that a partner should love you no matter what you look like. Anyway, a holiday destination was mentioned on TV today and I asked him if we could go once the coronavirus has gone. He seemed really annoyed that I had asked him. He was playing games on his phone at the time. I asked him if we were ever going to go on holiday and he exclaimed "yes!, but once you loose the weight! He then started going on about how we will be limited on activities we can do on holiday. The only limitation I have is walking slow because I have a condition where I drag my left leg behind me slightly. I also have a tendency to trip up if I walk fast and if I do walk fast my asthma starts to flare up. I've always had these issues, even before I put the weight on. He doesn't hold my hand when we're out together because apparently I slow him down. He thinks if I lose the weight all of these things will go away and I will be faster. I have explained to him, that even if I lose the weight, where there might be an improvement, my walking speed and asthma may stay the same. I also said we can still go on holiday, whether I am overweight or not, he should love me for who I am. He thinks I'm just being stubborn and don't want to lose the weight. I do want to lose it but I want to do it for me, not because he wants me to. Am I being unreasonable?

OP’s posts: |
lurker1836956 Thu 18-Jun-20 15:09:47

He doesn't hold your hand when you go out? What does he do, power ahead?

This is not how you treat someone you love. Staying with him is stopping you meeting the person who will worship the ground you walk on. This person will be so excited to go on holiday with you and when you're booking that holiday, you'll wonder why you spent so long with the guy that held you back.

SleepingStandingUp Thu 18-Jun-20 15:13:29

So you can go on holiday when he's happy with how his little trophy will look on his arm in a bikini?

If course you anbu, he sounds like a dick.

Does he have any reddening features?

Do you have sex with him?

CalmdownJanet Thu 18-Jun-20 15:15:48

Can I ask how overweight you are?

Before you even answer I think he was very insensitive and completely wrong to say it like he did and I would be pissed off with that. The reason I asked how overweight was because if you have can from underweight to very overweight I can see how that would be an issue in a relationship to be honest, but more from a health/attraction point of view, I think the holiday is just smoke & mirrors

KittyKattyKate Thu 18-Jun-20 15:16:13

The only thing that is unreasonable would be to remain his girlfriend.

Macncheeseballs Thu 18-Jun-20 15:17:26

The first weight you need to lose is him

Feelingpoorlysick Thu 18-Jun-20 15:18:32

You could easily lose a good few stone by getting rid of him...

His attitude is awful.

AnneLovesGilbert Thu 18-Jun-20 15:18:48

What a dick. Don’t go on holiday with him. Don’t stay in a relationship with him, he’s horrible. Won’t hold your hand because you’re unstable on your feet and slow him down? When you think you’ve heard it all. Jesus angry

Iwalkinmyclothing Thu 18-Jun-20 15:24:27

Cliché but the best way to lose weight is to dump the 12 stone or whatever of twattish boyfriend smile

NotAnotherUserNumber Thu 18-Jun-20 15:32:07

Of course you are not being unreasonable. You should only lose weight if you want to for your own reasons (eg. Health or whatever else). From what you have said, sadly, it sounds like he doesn’t really respect you.

2007Millie Thu 18-Jun-20 15:33:59

YABU for wanting a better boyfriend
YABVU for thinking someone should love you not matter what etc. If someone met you when you were smaller, and that's what they prefer, they are perfectly entitled to fall out of love with you if you drastically change

vanillandhoney Thu 18-Jun-20 15:35:13

He's a dick and his comment is awful.

But if you want to lose weight, then do it - but do it for you flowers

Miss2009 Thu 18-Jun-20 15:39:11

I am 5ft tall and 13 st in weight. According to the BMI scale I am obese and need to get to at least 9 st 3. I want to get to 9. He is about 6 ft 3, skinny. You're right he does want me to be a trophy girl on his arm in a bikini. I've told him I don't like bikinis and am looking forward to wearing my red swimming costume. He says the weight bothers him because we won't look good in pictures on holiday. I don't look obese when I have every day clothes on, not even in my swimming costume. I only notice it if I'm getting changed in front of a mirror.

OP’s posts: |
Miss2009 Thu 18-Jun-20 15:49:00

Yes he does power ahead of me when we're walking because I am apparently too slow.

OP’s posts: |
Northernsoullover Thu 18-Jun-20 15:58:25

He doesn't sound nice. However I don't agree you shouldn't love someone regardless of how they look. If I put on a huge amount of weight I wouldn't expect my partner to find me as attractive as he may have done and I'd feel the same way. I'd still be kind though as would my partner.

Northernsoullover Thu 18-Jun-20 15:59:18

Should not shouldn't. Stupid phone.

Loxley21 Thu 18-Jun-20 16:00:31

Oh sweetheart you really need to ditch this man....
He clearly doesnt love you for who you are and pressuring you into loosing weight...youll get to the point where he will make you feel worthless if he carrys on!!!

Tiktokgone Thu 18-Jun-20 16:04:01

I'm 17st and very obese.

My partner would NEVER say such horrible things to me. He understands weight gain can be the symptom of larger issues and if it was that easy, no one on earth would be fat.

Dump him and go on holiday without him!

uncomfortablydumb53 Thu 18-Jun-20 16:20:42

Im unsteady on my feet too and my exh used to walk miles ahead, I even fell at 8 months pregnant!
It was a major character flaw and a sign of his selfish uncaring nasty nature hence the ex

ButOneMistressHere Thu 18-Jun-20 16:23:08

He sounds like a catch...

uncomfortablydumb53 Thu 18-Jun-20 16:23:37

Posted too soon
Lose weight, only for yourself. With someone like him, even if you were slimmer, he would find something else to pick on
Personally I'd dump him and go away with a good friend

DontTouchTheMoustache Thu 18-Jun-20 16:30:59

I'd lose weight...then dump him. Tell him he is too skinny and I no longer find him attractive. I'm pretty like that tho

ComtesseDeSpair Thu 18-Jun-20 16:31:48

Nobody should lose weight if they don’t want to. But nobody should expect their partner to have to like it or be attracted to it.

He sounds insensitive and unkind in the way he told you, and ending it for those reasons is fine and acceptable. But you have no right to essentially say, “I know I look like a totally different person to the one you met and were attracted to but I don’t care and expect you to stick around and fancy me regardless.”

Madre1972 Thu 18-Jun-20 16:35:11

I’ve been with my husband for 16 years, my weight has ranged from a size 14 to a size 32. He has never said a word, never treated me anything other than with love and respect. That’s a real man. I’d dump your arsehole if a boyfriend in a heart beat.

costco Thu 18-Jun-20 16:39:25

He’s a dick. All nothing to do with whether he finds you attractive, who cares if he doesn’t. He’s really not a catch and clearly doesn’t like that you have the kind of”fuck you” confidence that means you will firstly easily lose the weight when you put your mi d to it, secondly attract a better man. Anyone who refuses to hold my hand (occasionally, not like a limpet) is a childish, embarrassing dickhead.

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