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"It's not about you....."

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OldQueen1969 Thu 18-Jun-20 12:30:42

Just been skimming a few threads about various topics, and am starting to get the rage every time someone's query about some problematic situation/interaction is thrown back at them with "It's not about you!"

Now I totally get that everyone has different experiences according to a variety of factors, but conversation and communication is a transactional exercise (IMHO). if someone relates an experience to me, I look for something that might be relevant in my brain rolodex, and I might ask for a bit more clarification based on that eg. "That reminds me of similar situation I have experienced - outline said experience - ask pertinent questions", and you know, have a conversation.

It seems particularly weird on forums like this where people come looking for wider viewpoints / discussions, particularly around issues that might be hard to discuss face to face with someone if things are uncomfortable, to immediately say "It's not about you" without helping said person work through a variety of points of view that they might not have thought about.

Sharing ideas, problems and concerns is how we learn and hopefully progress (I thought). all through our lives.

Obviously I know that some subjects require sensitive handling, but if they are outside of someone's scope of everyday reference getting a wider opinion can help greatly before one makes a decision about how one approaches said subject going forward.

Obviously some people can be a bit tone deaf and self-centred in any conversation, but am I unreasonable to think that trying to find common ground does not necessarily mean that someone is "humaning" wrong - why does person A who has inspired questions in person B have the right to ring fence the subject and Person B just has to accept it unquestioningly? Either we all have the right to debate and question or we don't, in which case none of us have the right to an opinion ever in relation to anything because "It's not about you!".

I just want to shout "It's not about me, no, not necessarily - but I'm interested and I care and you're telling me I am wrong for doing that!"

When two people interact there should be a balance, not a frigging power struggle every five minutes.

Sorry, just needed to get that off my chest.

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