I don't like where I live

[slimecentury]

I don't like where I live aibu? I haven't liked it for the 6,5years I've lived here. I had a brief interlude of about one month of feeling positive and ok about the location when we decided to stay put and not move back to London then coronavirus has all kicked off and it's increased my anxiety and claustrophobia about being here which I thought I had shaken off.

I am surprised by how I feel too as on paper it sounds idyllic. 45 mins to London but countryside (ish). We moved because we have kids. I don't like it because I feel like I'm losing my sodding mind with boredom. There is nothing to do. You have to drive everywhere. It's not true countryside you can hear the m25 constantly and a busy a road. There is no diversity and it's hugely conservative and probably pro brexit too. I am aware lockdown has impacted massively on my mental health by not being able to escape it. I know my negative feelings are also a bit muddled up with motherhood and loss of identity and freedom and all that too as we moved just before I gave birth (don’t ever do that - big mistake!)
Everything is up on the air now though. My DH is working from home. We're hoping this can continue but predicting he'll have to go in once or twice a week. So we could move further away if he doesn’t have to be in every day. But would it be same issues somewhere else? I adore London so I also am not sure I want to be too far away though we have mooted the idea of just moving to a smaller city to see if that would suit us better.

I feel very confused as I want my kids to have some space and nature around them but then also what about when they are teens? I also think some life in somewhere you live is good too! I veer from wanting the idyllic proper country life - no neighbours to bring back on London. Why can I not figure out what’s important and what will suit us better?

Where do you think is the best place for teens to be? If you love where you live why? Would we completely crazy to move back to London? I'm not sure that's the best thing to do either as my DH doesn't want to spend anymore than we need to on mortgage etc. Just waffling really. Fed up this issue has reared its head again. Our families are opposite ends of the country which doesn’t help. Mine have moved away from my childhood home so have no pull back there. I’m a lost nomad!

[MsSlightyConfused]

Only you two will work out the answer but you’ve not been happy for a long time so I’d say you definitely need to move.

With school age children it’s not practical to keep moving around though. So you need to chose carefully.

What is it about living in London you love so much? Are those specific to London?

The thing is with country side, unless you’re going to move to one of the far corners of the U.K. (east Anglia, West Country, North east or north west) then I’m not sure you’ll ever get that complete quiet idyllic. I moved to somewhere a few hours outside of London from one of those far corners and it is never ever quiet. I was quite shocked by that.

Anyway, maybe think about a city you’d be happy with that will give you the life you want plus easy access to the countryside.

Is there a limit on how far you can go? Apparently Exeter is very nice, plus cheap plus close to the beach and the exmoor (I’ve never loved there)

[Generallybewildered]

When I started reading this I thought you were a friend of mine but there are a couple of things which make me think you’re not.

However we live in the same situation. “Nice” middle class village just out side the M25. It has low diversity (even though we are so close to areas of high diversity), conservative and boring. It’s hard to do or say anything without being judged all the time.
I wanted to move here because I thought it would be a great place to live. Countryside, nice schools, easy to get to London etc but I think we will move closer to the coast at

[Generallybewildered]

...some point.

Sorry, pressed post too early.

[slimecentury]

@Generallybewildered maybe we live in the same place!

[Fern204]

We moved out of Brighton to a small village in West sussex. It was great for schools but as our DS grew up, there was nothing for us to do as adults. We head back to Brighton for nights out, usually with me driving. We are now moving house back to Brighton as I am so fed up needing to be a teen taxi. There are no regular buses, and nothing for DS to do round here. Cant wait to have a city on our doorstep again.

[Orangeblossom78]

I suppose it may depend on the situation moving forward and if working from home could be an option

it might then free you up to move out further into the countryside, or move back if that is what you wanted too.

[IamPickleRick]

Are you north of London? If so I know where you are and I feel the same sometimes. Covid has compounded it because the quiet countryside I knew before is now full of litterers with no where else to go

Before covid we had a few things to do like the cinema and zoo. Nothing now.

[SimonJT]

I live in London (fairly central), I once spent three weeks in a holiday cottage with my son, I love being outdoors so thought it would be nice. It was so boring and the local villagers were so rude (but I do understand the frustration of holiday cottages raising prices) that we went home after a week.

Even during covid there are so many things to do, places to go etc.

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

I’m a Londoner, sometimes I think would I move out for a bigger house, but I do worry that I don’t realise how London I am until I’m out of London.
I think as kids get older it’s better to be in a city, easier for them to get out and about without the need of a lift, always something for them to do, and once they start looking for a job they have more opportunity. There’s a risk that the schools are worse though. My aunt always told me once you leave London you can’t afford to move back, that’s always worried me too.
Where did you live before OP?

[tumpymummy]

I live in a city and love it (not London). Theres always something happening at weekends (although less so at the moment!). My teenage kids love it as they can go off on their bikes or walk places on their own. We dont have a big garden but we have parks nearby. So when they were little we used to go to the park all the time so that would mean they would meet other kids to play with. The only thing it wouldn't be so good for would be if we wanted a dog, but we dont, we have cats!

[WhatWouldDominicDo]

If you're a city person the countryside is boring, with no public transport, no public entertainment, and smelly.

If you're a country person, cities are loud, dirty and overpopulated with no green space.

You can't really have it both ways, unless you try a middle sized town such as Newbury, Swindon, Salisbury etc. but I think you'd find that boring too!

[Akrotiri1]

My son was bought up on an isolated but stunningly beautiful farm - my perfect home and idyllic for a young child, surrounded by animals and nature. However sadly we had to move after divorce, and when my son was just coming into teenage years. We now live in a semi rural location, which although initially I hated, is perfect for my son who is now 17yrs.

He can walk/cycle into town and has a far larger and more accesible social circle, and is very happy. He has a job which he can get himself too and if we had stayed at the farm, he would likely to have been either quite lonely and I would have spent a lot of time giving him lifts.

My view is that once he leaves home I can then think about where I would like to be.....but tbh I have now started to appreciate how nice it is to be able to just 'pop' into town when needed, rather than the weekly trek if was from the farm. My DP has put a huge amount of effort into to making it a lovely home for us as knows how devastated I was to leave the farm, including putting up stables in the garden and building me a wildlife feeding station (was meant to be a simple bird table!!!!) in the garden, so feel far more at home than I did a few years ago.

In your case, if you have been unhappy for the last 6.5 years then yes, it is probably right to look elsewhere......good luck in your search.

[ladykuga]

I live in Uxbridge. Right on the edge of west London, loads of green spaces and a 10 minute drive gets you to the countryside. Best of both worlds. Used to live more centrally but love it here.

[Octopus37]

Sorry have no solution. Its not the same situation but I have just moved house to a different part of town (as week ago) and I hate it tbh and feel that we have made a big mistake. Wish I could move again (ideally back to our old house which we could extend, despite the fact that we hadn't been speaking to our neighbours for 2 years), but know I am feeling very irrational. I'm not a country person either (grew up in a semi-rural environment which I hated) and I dont drive (feel to pieces with every test, not affordable, not for me for various reasons), so feel your pain. After 6 years thouh, if you're not happy and there is an option to ove, I really would.

[RandomMess]

Where do you live? Some towns around the M25 have much more to offer teens than others...

[Meruem]

I moved from a Hertfordshire village into London when my kids were teens and they were so happy! Where we lived before was green, plenty of fields, nothing to do! I also felt so much safer living here once they got old enough to go out for the evening. Sounds strange I know but where we lived before it was a long dark walk to get back from any of their friends etc. Here we have a bustling tube station 5 minutes away, well lit, plenty of people around. There's literally been only one occasion in 15 yrs where one of us "almost" became a victim of crime, a boy on a bike tried to snatch DS phone from his hand but didn't succeed.

[slimecentury]

@Meruem why did you decide to do that?

[slimecentury]

@ladykuga well that's what I thought where I am would be too but it just feels like not in country/not in city....
Hmmm

[slimecentury]

@RandomMess I don't want to say but where are these towns?! I kind of feel you need to go way further out to get a sense of a place other than just being a commuter town to London...maybe they still are but enough for teens....
I really need to figure out if it's rural or city. I don't think a town is the answer for me.

[RandomMess]

Why don't you write down the list of activities you want there to be as a starting point?

[Chicchicchicchiclana]

I think life for teens is infinitely more interesting in a large city. Just at a time when they want more independence in life they can have it. In London they also have a fair amount of choice of things to do for free. Even if they stick to their local area they usually have the choice of several parks, cinemas, bowling alleys, skate parks etc.

Friends of mine moved out of London when they had children. They lived in Brighton for 20+ years. As soon as they could get the money together they moved back to London, albeit a smaller house, but they just couldn't be happier.

[Meruem]

Well it was easier for me as I'm in social housing so I was able to exchange into another property without needing to consider property prices. Although the rent is higher here. I'd also got a job in London and commuting was costing me £600 a month and was utterly exhausting (so I had a rent increase of £250 a month but saved £500 a month on a much shorter commute, so it made financial sense).

I also didn't like the house I was living in and the house I came to view was lovely, although needed a lot of work, which I have now done over the years. DC were also really keen, so in our situation it made sense. We all love living here. It's so much easier to go places without having to factor in the time and cost of an overground train.

[Bettybunny23]

I cried for about the first 3 years of living in a Bedfordshire market town, i like it now 8 years on....but i still don't love it! We'll move at some point...

[CarolVordermansArse]

I moved out of London, liked where I was but was forced to move back, not Central but an area with good schools which we don't need and desirable houses which is a good thing if you can find somewhere to buy and move out again.

I have been miserable here for the last 7 years and am close to giving up hope of ever getting out of here. People don't understand why I hate it so much but they have never lived anywhere else and I just long to get away from the noise and smells of stuff burning, building and people.

[krustykittens]

Why do people assume the countryside is best for kids? You need to have a country lifestyle to enjoy living in the country. We live rurally but have land and my children ride ponies. They have lessons every week volunteer at an equestrian charity and compete regularly. We have lived in cities but they would never go back. But it doesn't suit everyone and I really don't think children miss out by not having a rural environment. I was raised in London from the age of eight and I think I had a great childhood! Move, OP. Life is too short.