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Mil made me feel rubbish.

(67 Posts)
BeeB29 Wed 17-Jun-20 21:54:22

Recently visited the in laws (social distanced in their garden).

Chatting about different things and covid and how anxious it makes me - she knows I suffer from major anxiety about health and different things.

She proceeded to tell me that that it seems a lot of the younger people who have sadly died of covid were overweight and told me I should watch my weight. I know that weight has been added as a risk factor for serious complications but aibu to think this just rude and unthoughtful when she knows how anxious I am?!

I’m the first to admit I’m overweight. I’m not in denial. But I wouldn’t say I’m massively overweight. I’m quite tall and a curvy size 18. Losing weight will make me healthier of course but I’m generally healthy, I’m very rarely poorly, no health issues, I eat too much but I do exercise! Although I’ve eaten like a pig some days during lockdown I’ve not put on a pound because I’ve been so active!

I already knew that weight was added a risk factor I didn’t really need her reminding me which made made feel very anxious about it all.

She’s not exactly skinny herself. I would say she’s the same size around but quite a bit shorter than me so probably weighs a few stone less!

It’s made me over anxious that if I was to catch is become seriously ill.

Not sure what the point of this post is but I just feel so low and anxious!

OP’s posts: |
Northernparent68 Wed 17-Jun-20 21:59:14

The best interpretation is she’s concerned about you, the worst is that she was insulting you. Without knowing what your relationships is like is hard to say

Bluntness100 Wed 17-Jun-20 22:02:17

Agree with the first poster, she could have been concerned, obesity is a risk factor and it’s well known. She could have been being bitchy though. We were not there.

I do wonder though if you are in some denial because a size eighteen, unless you’re very tall indeed is likely to be into obese territory.

Bmidreams Wed 17-Jun-20 22:03:28

You need to have a few set come back for the future.

Also, I thought the increased risk was being morbidly obese? I'm probably wrong.

Toilenstripes Wed 17-Jun-20 22:06:34

If she mentions it again you could always ask if she’s had any concerns about herself.

Bmidreams Wed 17-Jun-20 22:12:55

@Toilenstripes. Oooh you're good!!!

BeeB29 Wed 17-Jun-20 22:15:23

Thanks all.

I don’t think she meant in a concerned way. She criticises a lot. She knows I suffer from
Major anxiety and this would make it worse. She’s a nightmare!

I don’t deny I’m overweight and most likely obese but I’m certainly not morbidly obese. I hate bmi. Mainly because when I was a size 10 my weight put me in the overweight catergory.

Also my very slim partner (11.5 stone, men’s size small, 30 waist) is borderline overweight for his height yet he is far from it. I don’t really believe that bmi is great tbh

I do feel that there will be a large amount of people measured as overweight or obese in statistics because because of how bmi is used and calculated.

She’s a larger lady too. I wouldn’t dream of saying it to her!

OP’s posts: |
MostlyAmbridgeandcoffee Wed 17-Jun-20 22:16:19

Don’t know your relationship background so she could have been having a dig but she is also right - being overweight and obese is a major risk factor

PurpleMystery Wed 17-Jun-20 22:16:45

@Toilenstripes Amazing grin

daisypond Wed 17-Jun-20 22:19:15

She sounds concerned about you. If you have health anxiety, then surely you need to act on it if you think you are overweight. It’s one aspect of your health that you have control over.

Bmidreams Wed 17-Jun-20 22:20:12

You're giving her too much ammunition. Don't let her be privvy to all these anxieties and worries. Keep them to yourself. Tell her nothing! Fall apart at home, but round her be cool, calm and collected.

lavenderlove Wed 17-Jun-20 22:25:11

She was being rude. Even if she was concerned it's not her place to say, and at a size 18 I don't think a massive concern is justified anyway!

Bluntness100 Wed 17-Jun-20 22:27:22

Bmi is a rough guide op as they need to warn people and have a simple way to do it. Over thirty is obese, then it escalates in terms of severity, up to over forty and it’s morbid/severe.

The risk is due to reduced lung capacity (demonstrated by getting out of breath quicker say if running) and the complexity in intubating.

It doesn’t mean you’re going to die if you get it, it just means the risk factor increases the heavier someone is.

Alexandernevermind Wed 17-Jun-20 22:40:45

When women make little comments like this, they know exactly what they are doing. Next time she gives you a little dig tell her she is being hurtful.

Sarahlou63 Wed 17-Jun-20 22:43:35

Firstly, no one can "make" you feel an emotion. You chose - due to your upbringing, habits or conditioning - to react to the words she's used. The good news is that you can chose to unlearn that behaviour. CBT would really help with your anxiety.

Secondly, you are making lots of excuses in your post for being overweight. Either accept you are happy with your weight or do something about it. It really is that simple.

ButteryPuffin Wed 17-Jun-20 22:46:13

Biggest risk factor is age. On that basis she's more at risk than you. I would mention that if it comes up again.

BabyDancer Wed 17-Jun-20 22:48:41

100% agree with @Sarahlou63.

Samtsirch Wed 17-Jun-20 22:50:30

Your Blue Peter badge is in the post.....

Samtsirch Wed 17-Jun-20 22:52:28

Yours has a second class stamp on it...

BabyDancer Wed 17-Jun-20 23:00:40

@samtsirch I'm sorry, you're absolutely right. OP, you should sit and wallow in your sadness, accept you have no control in your life and continue to let your MIL's comments get to you.

Samtsirch Wed 17-Jun-20 23:06:01

and that's the only alternative you can offer?

BabyDancer Wed 17-Jun-20 23:13:59

@samtsirch I can see you're too busy handing out Blue Peter badges to offer any advice yourself. I shared an opinion with another poster, perhaps you need to accept that and move on if you have nothing useful to say.

We can't control the actions or thoughts of other people, only our own. If OP's MIL is known for being insensitive then she is unlikely to change. I doubt that if OP made a rude comment back that it would have an impact on her MIL's future behaviour.

justilou1 Wed 17-Jun-20 23:39:15

Maybe you SHOULD have said something back... (in a sweetly, concerned manner, of course....)
“Thanks MIL.... I’m worried about you too. You know your weight at your age also increases your risk of diabetes. You know that would put you in a the shielding group....”

Samtsirch Wed 17-Jun-20 23:39:21

I am sorry if I upset you.

BabyDancer Wed 17-Jun-20 23:47:09

@samtsirch Don't worry, I'm not upset at all. I just state things as I see them!

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