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To ask why you divorced your DH

(127 Posts)
BarbiesWorld Wed 17-Jun-20 20:12:32

Forgive me for asking such an intrusive question, I promise I'm not a journalist.

I've just been juggling bedtime for DD(4) and DS(4 months) again whilst internally wanting to through something hard at DH for being such a useless shit and it got me thinking about what generally causes women to leave their husbands other than cheating.

OP’s posts: |
AttackoftheVapours Wed 17-Jun-20 20:21:01

I haven’t yet but his snoring might drive to it!

wine for you whilst yours is being so useless.

Thelnebriati Wed 17-Jun-20 20:21:53

After our DC was born I seriously felt like the man I originally met and fell in love with had been replaced by his evil twin.
He dropped the Ideal Husband Material act like a hot potato and then turned out to be a secret cross dresser.

BarbiesWorld Wed 17-Jun-20 20:27:02

AttackoftheVapours

I haven’t yet but his snoring might drive to it!

wine for you whilst yours is being so useless.

The baby is already awake and attached to my nipple like it's going to be ripped away from him at any second hmm Wine would be amazing grin

OP’s posts: |
BarbiesWorld Wed 17-Jun-20 20:29:26

Thelnebriati

After our DC was born I seriously felt like the man I originally met and fell in love with had been replaced by his evil twin.
He dropped the Ideal Husband Material act like a hot potato and then turned out to be a secret cross dresser.

Ideal Husband Material act is the most accurate way I can think to describe it. I just don't understand!

Can't imagine finding out he was cross dressing flowersflowers

OP’s posts: |
InfiniteSheldon Wed 17-Jun-20 20:37:23

Let me down over yet one more thing, nothing major just a mountain of small each fairly minor things that resulted in myself and our dc having a life that just didn't include him. I went from adoring to ignoring to gone.

Thelnebriati Wed 17-Jun-20 20:41:51

He was so feckless as either a partner or parent that even without that, we would have split. He worked hard to get into the relationship then did everything he could to act like he was single. It was baffling.

Parmavioletmum Wed 17-Jun-20 20:47:27

I was a single parent whilst married. I got fed up of watching someone do absolutely nothing and decided that after several chats nothing was going to change. Was the best decision I ever made!! Yes it was hard being a single parent but it was far easier when I wasn't resentful of someone literally not lifting a finger.

theemmadilemma Wed 17-Jun-20 20:48:45

It wasn't the cheating as such, initially I was prepared to try to move past it. But her pregnancy (I'm infertile) sort of put an end to that.

whoisjoe Wed 17-Jun-20 20:52:57

When DD was born I basically fell out of love with him. Tried so, so hard to make our marriage work - left just before she turned 2
He made me feel guilty for asking for help around the house.
Got angry if his dinner wasnt on the table at night.
Made me feel guilty for wanting to go the gym one night a week.
I had PND.
He didn't stick up for us when his family were toxic towards DD and I.
He hated who I was, I tried to "shrink" myself for years.
He didn't want to spend time with me and DD, it was so lonely.
I imagined if DD was in my situation, so I ran and never looked back.
I just wanted to be happy and breathe.
Then he blamed me for not nagging him enough and made out it was all my fault for falling out of love with him.

missyB1 Wed 17-Jun-20 20:53:17

He was such a big sulker! He would freeze me out and refuse to speak to me or acknowledge me at all if I did the slightest thing “wrong”. It was a form of emotional abuse I suppose. I put up with it for 9 years before leaving.

C152H Wed 17-Jun-20 20:56:04

1. Never put us first
2. Thoughtless, lazy, fundamentally selfish man child
3. Horrendously bad sex

TheLightSideOfTheMoon Wed 17-Jun-20 20:56:24

He was helpless.

Didn't bother me at first. But then I had DS and was exhausted looking after them both.

Iamuhtredsonofuhtred Wed 17-Jun-20 20:59:40

He’s an unemployed, unfaithful, passive aggressive addict and compulsive liar

Covert20 Wed 17-Jun-20 20:59:50

whoisjoe has said it all for me. Uncanny how close that is to my experience. Glad you’re free now too! 😘

thegreylady Wed 17-Jun-20 21:04:24

I divorced dh1 because he was having an affair with my best friend (cliche eh?). She went on to be quite a featured actor in a fairly long running soap 🙂

Sailor2009 Wed 17-Jun-20 21:04:23

Caught him arranging a threesome with some girl he went to school with and her mate.
The sex was pretty dire as well. Why he would want to disappoint two women at once is beyond me.

whoisjoe Wed 17-Jun-20 21:04:37

@Covert20 never been happier! Hope you are tooflowers

JaceLancs Wed 17-Jun-20 21:05:44

Had an affair with my best friend

Covert20 Wed 17-Jun-20 21:10:57

whoisjoe me too! Life is good 😊

Laiste Wed 17-Jun-20 21:11:08

He was like a lodger in the house. An extra child. He wasn't interested in spending time with me or the children. When he was home he would sit for hours with his back to us with his head phones on painting his teeny figures. For 14 years i asked if he would consider changing his shift pattern so that we could have weekends together/share some of the weekend parenting. Nope.

In the end i left him. And the kids came with me. And he never bothered keeping in touch with them. And they didn't/don't care. Twat.

wildcherries Wed 17-Jun-20 21:11:26

Why he would want to disappoint two women at once is beyond me.

grin

Disfordarkchocolate Wed 17-Jun-20 21:20:11

He let me go for a breast biopsy with the children while he watched TV. No idea why I didn't leave the next day.

BarbiesWorld Wed 17-Jun-20 21:34:22

These answers are both terribly sad and incredibly inspirational at the same time.

I love the bones off DH but can't stand him at the moment and haven't for a while if I'm completely honest. But he's lazy and disengaged from family life, expects me to do everything around the house and for the kids. He's done maybe half a dozen bed times with DD in her 4 years on earth. It's infuriating.

OP’s posts: |
WanderingMilly Wed 17-Jun-20 21:35:27

After years of marriage and 2 children later, he became so absorbed in his work and left us all to it. The man I married and loved had all but disappeared, I felt lonely in my marriage and when I tried to discuss it he wouldn't engage with the conversation at all.
I was getting depressed, he was angry all the time and very harsh with the children, it was destroying me and our family life. We did have counselling during which he revealed he felt all the problems were my fault, that I "wasn't the woman he had married" (I felt I had developed and 'grown up' a lot from the naïve person I used to be) and that his ideal marriage was one where he was left alone to do the job he loved but that I and the family would be "there in the background" making life happy (ie. washing, cleaning, cooking and occupying the children). I decided there was no future in the marriage and walked away, which gave him the opportunity to say it was still my fault.

That was 20 years ago. I am still sad my marriage ended, even though I ended it and have done so many wonderful things since which I would never have done while married. I wouldn't remarry, I'm happy with my life now. But I still love the man I married, not what he became, if that makes sense.

He has since remarried, a lass 30 years his junior who is also young, naïve and immature, just as I was when he married me. Makes me wonder. He reckons he's happy (according to my now adult children) so maybe he never loved me or I fell out of favour. I wonder what will happen when his current wife also grows up....

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