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Not to tell stranger where DD goes to nursery

(221 Posts)
LG93 Wed 17-Jun-20 14:47:31

I was queuing to return some shoes in the supermarket yesterday, there was a woman in front of me presumably returning everything she's ever owned by the length of time she was there. While the man on the till went out the back to sort the paperwork DD (18months) who was in her buggy started waving at the lady in front and shouting Hiya at her. She turned around and was chatting to me, we had a civil conversation. I suffer with anxiety so not really one for chatting to strangers but have tried to make more of an effort in lockdown having seen how pleased people are to see dd if they're alone/missing family.

She asked how I was finding working with her at home (not that I'd said I worked at home, a lucky guess) and I said it was a challenge but at least nurseries had reopened. She asked which one she went to and I vaguely said one in next village over, which is true however it has 4 nurseries/preschools so not too identifying. She kept pushing as to which one, so I politely said 'Sorry, I don't really feel comfortable sharing that information with strangers'

Her tone changed and she asked me what I thought she would do with that information. I explained it wasn't personal but it's not information we shared. She huffed that it's 'all over your social media no doubt' (it's not, I very rarely post any photos of her at all on social media and certainly don't identify her nursery etc) and she just wondered if it was the same as her granddaughter but to 'suit myself' and turned around. The man came back shortly after and she gave me a bit of a scowl as she left but didn't say anything else.

Wibu? I'm sure she meant no harm by her question but I obviously have no way of identifying who may or may not be so simply don't share that information with people who don't need it, but her reaction made me wonder if I'm being overly anxious?!

OP’s posts: |
CheshireCats Wed 17-Jun-20 14:49:16

I would not have told her either.

lmustnotstackmybike Wed 17-Jun-20 14:50:26

YWNBU however I'd have lied and said she went somewhere else because I'm too much of a wimp to have said what you did. Don't give it any more thought, you didn't do anything wrong.

Kitten9 Wed 17-Jun-20 14:52:19

It sounds like you handled the situation perfectly - well done! I feel exactly the same way as you. You just never know who else is listening, or whether a kind stranger is really all that they seem. It’s a shame that her reaction wasn’t particularly understanding, but at least you know that you were polite and meant well. Try not to give it another thought!

bookmum08 Wed 17-Jun-20 14:54:49

I would of said something like "she doesn't go to nursery yet" and left it at that.

TheGirlWithAThornInHerSide Wed 17-Jun-20 14:55:15

YWNBU. The woman will go away, think it over and realise you had every right not to tell her. She WBU to get offended.

NearlyGranny Wed 17-Jun-20 14:59:00

She could have named where her DGD went and asked if it was the same one if she was just making conversation. Persisting when you were vague was just rude. You did right.

slashlover Wed 17-Jun-20 15:00:58

She was being nosey, I would just have lied to be honest.

Aria2015 Wed 17-Jun-20 15:01:54

I think you’re within your rights to share or not share information. I would say though that it’s not uncommon for these kind of questions to be asked and it’s mostly for the kind of reasons the woman gave and it l’s just a way of making conversations and connections. Lots of people have asked which school my lo goes to because they have grandchildren a similar age or children a similar age. You're within your rights to not share but it can slightly sour an exchange, but it's not really a big deal as essentially this woman is a stranger to you so no need to put her feelings before your own. You have to to what you feel comfortable with.

IwishIhadaMargarita Wed 17-Jun-20 15:17:44

She was being nosy and intrusive and you were protecting your and DD’s privacy So don’t give it headspace.

I once had a woman on the bus ask me where I worked so I just said ‘oh in town’ then she noticed my engagement ring and asked how long I’d been engaged, how much my ring was where my partner works, how much did we earn and how much was our home....I told her that was all personal and she got very huffy saying she was trying to be friendly. Some people are weird.

PicsInRed Wed 17-Jun-20 15:42:05

She's clearly insane you were clearly correct not to tell her where the insane lady could find your child. She proved your instinct correct, didn't she?

WoollyHeadedMammoth Wed 17-Jun-20 16:17:28

She WBU. Her asking the first time was probably innocent, but why keep pushing? And even if it IS all over social media - how would that matter when she doesn't know your name?

I wouldn't let it bother me any more, though. No harm done, and if you see her again she probably won't chat grin

Spied Wed 17-Jun-20 16:26:16

I think she was just trying to be friendly and was probably wondering if you knew her granddaughter.
Some people don't have boundaries and when you put up yours she didn't like it and reacted rudely as she got a shock you wouldn't tell her and didn't know how to reply to that.
I think I'd probably have lied and said she didn't go to nursery.

EmperorCovidula Wed 17-Jun-20 16:30:08

YANBU. I hate my children wearing school uniforms for this reason.

Redhair23 Wed 17-Jun-20 16:31:02

She was just making conversation, lots of people ask about schools and nursery. It’s the sort of thing I would say to be friendly. There is nothing she could do with that information unless you thought she might break in to the nursery and steal your child.

lowlandLucky Wed 17-Jun-20 16:37:50

Maybe she was looking for a recommendation and didn,t expect to be treated like a child killer.

flamingochill Wed 17-Jun-20 16:41:37

Tbh I would have lied rather than said a gentle myob.

RuffleCrow Wed 17-Jun-20 16:44:25

If you live in a very small community you get a lot more of this - when i lived in a tiny village, I got used to sharing so much with so many people, because i'd see the same faces day after day and it was a very safe area, in theory. However, I used to be much more guarded about what I told men. But at the end of the day, if you don't feel comfortable telling someone something, don't. After all you knew nothing about her: informatiion has to flow both ways, and trust is something that builds up naturally over time. Or doesn't, in this case.

billy1966 Wed 17-Jun-20 16:47:02

Some people don't have boundaries and can ask and push for information that has nothing to do with them.

I appreciate a lot of people simply don't know any better, but it doesn't make it any less off putting when asked.

I generally extract myself or change the subject.

You handled it just fine OP.

By reacting badly she further let herself down.

She could have simply said "oh my GD goes to X X nursery, do you know her etc." and left it when you said No.

I thing you handled it

BigSandyBalls2015 Wed 17-Jun-20 16:47:50

I don't get this, why does it matter? What would she do with the info? She can't turn up and snatch your kid. bonkers.

Deelish75 Wed 17-Jun-20 16:47:51

Yanbu. Did you ask her why she wanted to know? I find when I turn this back to them the answer is usually “umm arrr umm just interested” and then they stop badgering.

From what you’ve said there is no reason this lady needed to know and she was very rude to keep pushing.

TheCanterburyWhales Wed 17-Jun-20 16:48:26

Hold the front page
Woman makes fuss of baby and wonders if nice lady with nice baby might be at same nursery as her grandchild.

You should have rung for a swat team really. How dare people be nice.

IntermittentParps Wed 17-Jun-20 16:49:32

She could have named where her DGD went and asked if it was the same one if she was just making conversation. Persisting when you were vague was just rude.
I agree with this. I do think she was making polite conversation and looking for a nice link between you; but she really should have taken the hint when you were vague. I'd say her social skills need a bit of work!

Wouldyougivemeamortgage Wed 17-Jun-20 16:49:40

Why would she even care??

Bonkers mothers who think the world spins on their axis. Note to world, not everyone thinks your daughter is the centre of their universe.

Quinquagesima Wed 17-Jun-20 16:51:17

I don't think she was being nosey. I think she was just doing what most people do, and making conversation. She should have read your cues better, as I imagine it was clear that you weren't keen to engage - and at that point, she should have dropped it. Either that, or she could have said, "oh, my DGD goes to Little Stars (or whatever) in that village" - whereupon you could have either said "oh, that's where my DD goes too", or "oh, that's nice".

So while I reckon you were BU to think she was nosey and interfering, she was BU to try to persist with a conversation which you evidently didn't want to pursue.

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