Kids on adult holiday!

[barbadosbound]

Name changed for this as it's a bit outing!

So dh is 10 years older than me which means his group of friends are all older and therefore their kids are older!

Dh has just spoken to one of his friends and they are organising a big holiday for early 2022 in a villa and have invited us to go along with 5 other couples. Dh has said that we would love to but wouldn't be able to leave the kids behind (they will be 9 & 14), we don't have anyone to leave them with and judge me or not but I wouldn't want to leave them for 10 days. We just about get a babysitter for a night out!!

His mate said he is sure it's fine to take them but will ask the rest of the group but aibu to just say no now?

6 couples no kids and we want to throw an 9 and 14 year old into the mix? Surely they will now feel obliged to say yes but secretly they will all be a bit pissed off that we are changing the whole dynamic of their amazing holiday?

Would you be pissed off at two kids coming along? Would it not turn it into a very different holiday?!

So aibu to say no even if they say it's fine? Dh says if they say yes then we should go...

[KingOfDogShite]

I wouldn’t want to go on an adult holiday with someone else’s kids tbh.

[UnfinishedSymphon]

Not a chance would I be happy at kids being there if I thought it was going to be adult only. Sorry OP but I wouldn't go if I knew you were taking them

[amusedbush]

Honestly, I wouldn't want to go if someone decided they were bringing their kids. It would totally change the holiday and it's not what your friends signed up for.

You're right though, I'd feel obliged to say yes but I'd probably drop out myself.

[APomInOz]

Aww you're sweet to think of their perspective.
At 9 and 14, I think that they could be included in an adult holiday without taking over. They will join in day time stuff, can stay up late and put themselves to bed, even if you spend 10 mins tucking them in.
You should all go. Enjoy!

[CallmeAngelina]

No, you're right - it would totally change the dynamic of the trip.

[barbadosbound]

First few replies are exactly what I was thinking, I can only dream of a kid free holiday and if I got one and someone brought their kids along I would be so pissed off!! Don't get me wrong they are good kids but I still wouldn't want them there if they weren't mine 🤣

[Euclid]

I think that a holiday with five other couples would be pretty claustrophobic, with or without the kids.

[SinglePringle]

16-18 and I wouldn’t mind as they’d probably be off doing their own thing. You’d spend the days at the pool etc, out for dinner together and then the teens would be off to the clubs whilst adults stayed at restaurant / went to a mellow bar / back to villa.

9-14 and I’d be pissed off. I wouldn’t pull out but I wouldn’t make allowances / change my holiday plans to accommodate them once on the trip.

[LittleMissRedHat]

I wouldn't go on an adult holiday if other people's kids were there, totally changes the vibe and point of an "adult" holiday!

[Sexnotgender]

I’d speak to the rest of the group and make it SUPER clear if they don’t want your kids there because it changes the dynamic then it’s absolutely ok and you won’t be upset.

14 and 9 is tricky. Too young to be left to their own devices on the holiday. It will definitely change the whole thing.

[barbadosbound]

@Euclid well there is that as well!!

[APomInOz]

Am I missing something? When you say adult, you just mean grown ups, not a bunch of horny irresponsible over 18 year olds?
Kids are part of the parcel.
If you feel uncomfortable, OP, then don't go, but you're not joined at the hip with the rest of the group- Evan without kids, I wouldn't be spending 24/7 with, doing what they dictate.

[BetteDavisWeLuvU]

Oh no this will not worK OP I think you have judged it right. It would be an odd dynamic.

As an aside 10 days is a long time for a holiday with friends 😅. Could you go for a 2/3 nights without DC as a comprise?

[Wondergirl100]

Why don't you make a list of issues that you can discuss with your DH - ie. would they be part of adult meals ?

I am very pro kids being involved in stuff but I can't bear it when kids join in adult only meals - and older kids are worse for this as they can understand etc - I don't at all mind babies and toddlers but the other day my friend hlet her 13 year old spend a whole evening with us - we dont' get to catch up often and I was so pissed off.

So so many conversations that adults will want to have with friends are not suitale for kids it's very unfair to impose them.

If your DH wants to join them can't you book nearby and see it as a separate holidy but he goes and spends time with them?

[WotnoPasta]

I don’t think it would be much of a holiday for the kids either. The adults are going to dictate how the holiday goes and it’s not going to be for children at all.

[SillyLittleBiscuit]

Has it been billed as an adult holiday previously? We’re childless but it really wouldn’t bother me. I like my friends kids and I wouldn’t really have to moderate my behaviour that much I don’t think.

[nannyplumsmagranny]

It wouldn't bother me if kids of that age were on an adult holiday with me and friends. It's not like you've got a baby and toddler.

[Ponoka7]

It wouldn't have worked in my friendship group because we all like a drink, get sweary and want to play a bit of music until about 1am. We book detached villas for that reason. If people have to bring children, we do separate hotel rooms.

But I've also been on camping holidays were older children have come along. We still drink, but cut down on rowdiness. But it's walking/fishing based, so we are all up and about of a morning.

So it depends on the group and what they want out of the holiday and if you mind drinking etc going on around your children. The children in my friendship group are flexible on sleeping as well.

Generally though, it would be a no.

[UnfinishedSymphon]

@Sexnotgender

I’d speak to the rest of the group and make it SUPER clear if they don’t want your kids there because it changes the dynamic then it’s absolutely ok and you won’t be upset.

14 and 9 is tricky. Too young to be left to their own devices on the holiday. It will definitely change the whole thing.

I wouldn't ask, they aren't going to be truthful going off some of the threads I've seen on here over the years. Don't put them in an awkward position by asking, it's not fair, just don't go.

The only alternative I can think of is finding your own accommodation nearby and meeting up occasionally but again, you'll probably resent everyone else being kid free and able to come and go as they please

[barbadosbound]

Lots of people confirming what I thought..

I have never been on a big couples holiday so not sure how it works are you all together everyday or is it acceptable to go off and do your own thing and get together for dinner?

I don't think it would be so bad if it was a hotel but a villa I'm not sure.

[Yeahnahmum]

Just let your husband go by himself if you feel like you can't leave your 9 and 14yo alone.dont impose yourself and your kids on a grownup holiday. People want a holiday with no strings. Kids are strings. It would be different if they all brought their kids. But since no one is.. I hope they say an honest 'No' rather then a polite/pressured 'yes' (and in the inside be replanning a new holiday with different people)

[dontdisturbmenow]

It really depends. If they are happy to detach themselves at times and the rest of the group can do what they would otherwise, no problem at all.

If however the group is expected to adapt their plan to fit in the 9 and 14yo, then yes, I'd be mega annoyed.

All in all, I'd think it would be better not to go unless you are happy for one to stay with the kids when the other joins the group adult activities, but wouldn't that end up being you most of the time?

Its also depends what the activities would be. If staying in a villa 24/7 with the occasional trip to the beach fine. I'd it dining out every night, night clubs, drinking, doing adult sporting activities etc... probably aware of your holiday.

[sunrainwind]

It wouldn't bother me if they're generally easy going children. I'd prefer my friends to be there (with children) than not at all.

[TheCanterburyWhales]

They'll say yes, because they will feel mean not to.
They may even mean it.
I'd say yes. But I'd be lying.
The 14 year old will be bored stiff and the 9 year old will need entertaining. Neither of which is a criticism of your kids.

[barbadosbound]

@Yeahnahmum not sure husband would want to go on holiday with all couples but he is free to go, I really wouldn't mind!

I also hope they say an honest no rather than an under pressure yes but I'm not sure if that would happen and why I was asking if I should just say no now..