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Aibu my friends is looks obsessed

(15 Posts)
Superfoodie123 Wed 17-Jun-20 11:04:22

I have a very close friend who I've kind of grown apart from recently. Shes very looks obsessed, always has been and I've just accepted that as shes a lovely person. But whenever I speak to her these days I am just so disappointed. It's always a new diet or a new routine and no real conversation.

Dont get me wrong I care how I look, I wish I didnt as much but I can put that aside and talk about things that matter and things that dont as much. But I feel so sad after I talk to her, we used to be close and now I just dont feel a connection. Weve been friends for years

Also on video calls she is constantly preening and touching her hair. It's so off putting.

Anyone else got a friend like this? Aibu and expecting too much from her?

SerenDippitty Wed 17-Jun-20 11:07:44

YANBU. Taking pride in your appearance is one thing, being obsessed it it is another. Young women do seem to be terribly high maintenance compared to when I was in my 20s.

Superfoodie123 Wed 17-Jun-20 11:13:35

Yeah I know, shes mid 30s too

gamerchick Wed 17-Jun-20 11:19:42

Man she's in for a massive amount of mental pain when menopause hits. Will her talk slide into plastic surgery territory I wonder.

SurreyHillsGirl Wed 17-Jun-20 11:21:41

Despite taking an interest in my appearance, I would find that really boring. I think my friends and I were looks obsessed in our twenties but now in our mid forties we tend to discuss more interesting subjects, though they are not always deep and intellectual grin

Orangeblossom78 Wed 17-Jun-20 11:21:56

I find this with a young woman I know too. They are always trying to look in a mirror as well which is difficult when mid conversation.

UnfinishedSymphon Wed 17-Jun-20 11:22:47

You just have to look at the entertainment sections of the online newspapers - the likes of Demi Rose, Chloe Ferry, Rhian Sugden, the Love Island people - they all appear obsessed with posing in as little as possible and not actually doing anything? What do they offer to anyone? They have Instagram accounts and fans, people actually aspire to be like them but why?

Orangeblossom78 Wed 17-Jun-20 11:26:20

I find it very unattractive. People who have something about them, but aren't aware of it, are far more attractive

mencken Wed 17-Jun-20 11:27:03

life is too short to spend time with the pointless and boring. She doesn't sound very lovely to me. What does she do to make the world a better place?

Superfoodie123 Wed 17-Jun-20 11:32:57

It's just so sad though, I've been mates with her since school and the thought of cutting her out of my life is sad but I also dont like being around her. I think having a new boyfriend in the last year has made her worse and I cant figure out why.

Superfoodie123 Wed 17-Jun-20 11:33:45

Not heaps. She is also quite tight as a friend

LuluBellaBlue Wed 17-Jun-20 11:34:58

Maybe it’s part of a bigger issue around her mental health and self esteem?
You say you’ve been friends for years, I’d chat to her about it and see if you can help her

Babymabel Wed 17-Jun-20 11:41:47

I agree LuluBella. There is a bigger picture here than just an obsession with looks. She may have fragile self esteem issue. Most women who have obsessions with diets do. I think it's quite cruel all the other posters have piled in on this woman calling her 'boring and pointless'. OP these are her interests. You don't have to be interested in them too. Maybe she doesn't find your interests exciting in the same way you do. You don't have to keep a friendship alive that you have no interest in though. Friendships fizzle out, it's completely normal. You've both changed and aren't compatible anymore.

ChittyChittyBoomBoom Wed 17-Jun-20 11:45:49

Friendships do change over time and people often grow up or apart for many different reasons.

I wonder if the new boyfriend is making her feel under pressure to look a certain way?

Does it have to be all or nothing though? Can you adjust your expectations of this friendship?

Superfoodie123 Wed 17-Jun-20 12:45:51

@lulubellablue @babymabel

There is a deep rooted self esteem issue. Whenever she is single she breaks completely, last time her ex broke up with her she was at rock bottom. My other friend and I had to baby step her through every move and decision she made and she got counselling too in the end. It just feels wrong to say 'I think you've still got issues' as she acts very happy now. It's a hard thing to approach

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