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ATTENTION WELSH MNETTERS - Coronavirus and elderly parents dilemma

(130 Posts)
DMCWelshcakes Wed 17-Jun-20 10:23:44

Morning all.

Here's my situation:

Parents in their 70s.
One with cancer in remission and the other one very depressed and getting worse by the day.
No local support or friends.
Live in South Wales, not a touristy place.
Massively missing their grandchildren who they've not seen since February.

We live in England.
We've got clear Covid-19 test results this week.
We can get there and back in a day.
We can easily afford a fine.
ANPR at the Bridge will show car as now being resident in England, despite Welsh number plate.

Do I bung the kids in the car, pack a picnic, sanitizer & portable toilet and go spend time with them in a social distanced fashion in an attempt to lift their mood?

YABU = don't go.
YANBU = go but be very careful.

OP’s posts: |
JackiFazaki Wed 17-Jun-20 10:26:44

Go. flowers

iolaus Wed 17-Jun-20 10:31:07

If they lived in England I'd say go
They live in Wales - therefore you can't visit them without breaking the Welsh rules for Wales, (unless they live within 5 miles of the border)

HappyMealWithLegs Wed 17-Jun-20 10:32:40

Don't you run the risk of being stopped by the police in Wales, and sent home? That would put me off. To travel all the way, and get your parents hopes up, only to be turned away?

mummabubs Wed 17-Jun-20 10:38:19

It's a really hard situation for all of us- I have the opposite in that my vulnerable and low parents live in England and I'm in Wales. Honestly I'd try and hang on a bit longer. The Welsh government is due to provide an update on restrictions this week. There has been a police presence at the border / crossing points and personally I'd feel disrespectful violating the rules. I also have a child and know that they would find it really hard to not cuddle their grandparents... And I wouldn't want to put anyone at risk. I work in the NHS and am mindful of some of the public perceptions that Coronavirus is gone or that we're on the other side of it... It's definitely still here and only by keeping to the current rules will we limit the risk of future infection dates climbing.
(I'm desperate to see my family, I haven't been able to see my mum since she had a major health scare just before lockdown so I know your pain).

DMCWelshcakes Wed 17-Jun-20 10:46:31

They're not within 5 miles of the border, but they're not very far into Wales. (Think Glamorgan rather than Pembrokeshire.)

It's the getting turned back issue that concerns me. I'd hate to disappoint them.

This not being allowed to go to my own home town thing is surreal. And I'm normally extremely law abiding, working with very closely with law enforcement in my professional capacity. (I live in fear of getting pulled over for something by someone I know. blush) I'm just so worried about them. We've been doing video calls but depressed parent hasn't appeared on one for a few days despite the rest of us carrying on as normal.

What do we reckon the chances are of the restrictions being lifted soon? I think the 3 week review is up this weekend.

OP’s posts: |
sleepyhead Wed 17-Jun-20 10:50:47

My only concern would be why did you get a test? If it was because you had possible symptoms then you should take into account the false negative risk.

DMCWelshcakes Wed 17-Jun-20 10:50:58

@mummabubs Totally agree with you about the whole nothing has really changed thing. I can't understand why the decision has been made to open the shops & stuff when in reality we're no further forward when we went into lockdown in March.

I'm only really considering it now because parent sounds so awful and I know for a fact that we don't have it.

(We got it back in March & April but were tested for the active virus at the weekend as part of the research programme.)

OP’s posts: |
DMCWelshcakes Wed 17-Jun-20 10:51:43

@sleepyhead - we were invited as part of a control group.

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sleepyhead Wed 17-Jun-20 10:52:12

Ok, I would go then and be careful.

user1471546851 Wed 17-Jun-20 10:54:00

I'm Welsh
I'd go.
Dh works in England mon-fri
Travels home Friday morning I'll get him to smuggle you all over the bridge in his van if you like wink

GoatsDoRome Wed 17-Jun-20 10:55:12

You won’t get stopped so go

BigChocFrenzy Wed 17-Jun-20 10:55:40


"We can easily afford a fine."

Then I'd go
They sound as if their need for your company far exceeds any other health concerns
(and if it's ok to break the rules for an eye test drive on your wife's bday ....)

In fact, I'd take long weekend if possible, to make the most of the journey and the fine

Reluctantbettlynch Wed 17-Jun-20 10:58:23

Welsh here - 5 miles is purely advisory, it is not an rule or regulation. I think this falls in to caring for a vulnerable person/ people from my pov.
I think the reluctance of Drakeford is purely a power trip and he's only currying favour with people who are not impacted by lockdown ie those that wish to continue isolating and are not affected financially.
Those who are looking at losing jobs / businesses / their homes are thoroughly pissed off with the smug twat. This is not a time for political cock swinging and Wales cannot afford to lose jobs.

gassylady Wed 17-Jun-20 11:01:35

Another Welsh resident saying surely care for vulnerable relative, very reasonable in your circumstances

DMCWelshcakes Wed 17-Jun-20 11:02:20


But that would mean having to stay somewhere. We can't all lie down in the car and there's no situation on earth so bad that it will induce me to go camping voluntarily. grin

OP’s posts: |
DMCWelshcakes Wed 17-Jun-20 11:05:30

Just for further clarity, I'm Welsh speaking Welsh born & bred. I'd have absolutely no problem in convincing any police officers of my identity or of the fact that my parents are old & vulnerable.

I think this would make it clear that I wasn't coming to Wales to clutter up the tourist areas and make a nuisance of myself. It would literally be to parents garden and then straight home again.

OP’s posts: |
DMCWelshcakes Wed 17-Jun-20 11:06:41

Actually I might make a nuisance of myself if I don't get my fair allocation of welshcakes during the picnic...

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tiredanddangerous Wed 17-Jun-20 11:10:40

Do it. Put a few bags of shopping in the car and your parents are vulnerable and you’re going to check on them.

I also live in England with dps in (south) wales. I haven’t seen them since Christmas but they very much want to stick to the rules for the moment. It’s hard.

TabbyMumz Wed 17-Jun-20 11:12:01

Just go. I wouldnt worry about the anor picking up your reg, people are allowed to travel into Wales for various reasons ...such as work, caring for relatives (does your visit not come under that?), essential journeys for medical reasons etc etc? It's likely to change this Friday isnt it?

wantmorenow Wed 17-Jun-20 11:17:52

Living in Wales here. M4 corridor not stopping cars. You will almost certainly not be challenged. Common sense prevails. My grown up daughter works in a factory with over a 100 people daily on production line. It's hard to follow rules such as don't go out when she is mixing with so many people then coming home to us. We do our best though.

buckeejit Wed 17-Jun-20 11:20:54

Totally go. If you're stopped, tell them you're leaving a care package off for vulnerable older people?

KaTetof19 Wed 17-Jun-20 11:31:15

I live in Cardiff. The traffic has increased quite substantially recently so the chances of you being stopped on a main route are pretty small...depending on how "deep" into Glamorgan you go though you might be unlucky and get flagged by ANPR for a local traffic police to pull you in. They have been known to escort people out of the area. That means to Newport at least because that marks the end of South Wales Police territory to the East.

Drakeford is making an update on Friday about the rules - with all the pressure on him to start allowing tourist areas to re-open there's a chance that the 5 mile rule may be dropped so could be worth waiting to see what he says if you can.

I'm all for following rules, and I understand community to community transmission risks but I'm really struggling with the rationale that it's safer for me to send my children to school than it is to drive 50 miles to my parents (again not a touristy bit of Wales) and sit in their garden so we can physically see each other.

Adding shopping to the car won't make much difference if you're all in the car as a family. The police will see through that immediately as an excuse rather than legitimate reason to travel.

I'm very much of the mind to visit my parents this weekend and chance a fine so not really in a position to shoot you down for the same thing just because you're driving over/around the Severn.

DMCWelshcakes Wed 17-Jun-20 11:32:59

I can definitely do a shop for them & take that with us.

And they are properly vulnerable but not shielding.

And they really don't have anyone else.

I think I'm talking myself into this.

Out of interest, people who voted YABU what have I missed or not put enough value on as an issue?

OP’s posts: |
DMCWelshcakes Wed 17-Jun-20 11:36:56


It's north Cardiff. Off at J30, 10 minute drive and then park.

That's good news about Drakeford doing the next announcement on Friday seeing as it's apparently a Wednesday. (Not that time has any real meaning any more.)

I'll see what he's got to say then & decide accordingly.

OP’s posts: |

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