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My bf's ex on his social media

(68 Posts)
SconeTea Wed 17-Jun-20 10:16:44

My bf of five months is still friends with his ex. They were together for a year and split up last year. They are in contact online for chats and messages. She hearts his Facebook photos and posts. She has a photo of them cuddling together when they were a couple plus other photos of them together on her public profile. I had to ask my bf to remove his public post, from over a year ago, that said he was in a relationship with her. He removed the post. AIBU to feel uncomfortable about this social media content and contact? My past relationships have given me trust issues as I was always cheated on and lied to. My bf knows this. I have spoken to him to say that his ex putting hearts on his Facebook makes me feel anxious. I want him to tell her to stop putting hearts on his posts but is this unreasonable of me? Trying to work this through - not to control, to not fell anxious about the ex, to not over or under react

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Shoxfordian Wed 17-Jun-20 10:33:59

If he isn't sending hearts back then it isn't an issue. I don't get why you wanted the relationship post removed, he was in a relationship then with her, he isn't now. My facebook probably has all the history of my exes although I'm married now, no need to go back editing the past like it didn't happen though

GalwayGrowl Wed 17-Jun-20 10:43:34

Why would you want stuff removed from a year ago when they were together??

edwinbear Wed 17-Jun-20 10:47:40

I put hearts on my friends FB pics, it doesn't mean I want to shag them. He really can't be instructing her what she can/can't do on her SM.

ilovesooty Wed 17-Jun-20 10:48:46

I think you're overreacting. You've been with him 5 months and asking him to photo shop the past? I'd wonder how long it will take for you to be an ex.

SingingWaffleDoggy Wed 17-Jun-20 10:50:54

I know it’s hard when you’ve had your trust broken in the past, but you need to put this in perspective. Her reacting to his posts is all her. He’s not doing anything wrong in this situation and if he were to ask her to stop because of you, you are the one that going to come across as a bit of a crazy possessive person. So don’t stoop to it. You’re the one in a happy relationship now, enjoy the present.

Caramel78 Wed 17-Jun-20 10:53:57

I would absolutely hate it as I also have trust issues and low self esteem. I would probably just try and keep it to myself though if I trusted my partner as I know it wouldn’t really be my place to tell people how to behave on SM and whether they can or can’t be friends. I do sympathise with you though

Somerford Wed 17-Jun-20 10:55:59

My past relationships have given me trust issues as I was always cheated on and lied to. My bf knows this

Be careful with this way of thinking. Whatever happened in your past is not your boyfriend's fault, it doesn't mean that has to modify his behaviour and it doesn't excuse controlling and possessive behaviour on your part.

Persiaclementine Wed 17-Jun-20 11:13:23

I dont think your emotionally ready to be in a relationship

ErickBroch Wed 17-Jun-20 11:21:31

I mean, the old pics are whatever but no I would not really be chuffed about her putting hearts on his pics still. Not really sure what you can do about it though tbh. What does he say?

SconeTea Wed 17-Jun-20 11:22:29

Thanks for the perspectives. I am ready for a relationship. I want to be not controlled from my past. It's very helpful to get different ideas on it.

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SconeTea Wed 17-Jun-20 11:25:21

I said that I found it odd that she was putting hearts on his posts - from now. He said yes he agreed.

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GinDrinker00 Wed 17-Jun-20 11:26:54

You don’t sound ready to be in a relationship. It’s a bit weird to put hearts on his post, but demanding he takes a old post down which has nothing to do with you is rather controlling OP.

cyclingmad Wed 17-Jun-20 11:30:11

This is one of the reasons I stick to not being friends with ex's. It just causes an issue somewhere along the line esp if the other person cannot get o er it and her putting hearts on posts could be that.

SconeTea Wed 17-Jun-20 11:30:49

GinDrinker00

You don’t sound ready to be in a relationship. It’s a bit weird to put hearts on his post, but demanding he takes a old post down which has nothing to do with you is rather controlling OP.

I didn't demand. I was the public post to say that he was in a relationship with her with them both tagged. I asked if he could remove that as it was giving out the wrong statement.

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dontdisturbmenow Wed 17-Jun-20 11:31:55

Two options: they were good friends, but 3verythibg was dead hence agreeing to.go both ways. Its absolutely fine and you making a fuss over it will most likely annoy him.

Or, he still cares for her despite being with you, maybe run back to her if she suggested it. Him removing her as a friend on Facebook wouldn't prevent this happening.

So either way, you should not make a big deal of it.

Angelonia Wed 17-Jun-20 11:37:26

I am Facebook friends with two exes. I personally wouldn't put a heart on their posts, but I would like them, and I'm not sure that's massively different? She might be the kind of person who hearts everyone's posts. I wouldn't delete old photos either.

I think you're being unreasonable OP, sorry.

SconeTea Wed 17-Jun-20 11:37:52

dontdisturbmenow

Two options: they were good friends, but 3verythibg was dead hence agreeing to.go both ways. Its absolutely fine and you making a fuss over it will most likely annoy him.

Or, he still cares for her despite being with you, maybe run back to her if she suggested it. Him removing her as a friend on Facebook wouldn't prevent this happening.

So either way, you should not make a big deal of it.

makes sense. I don't like it though. I wonder if it was the other way round what my bf would think - would he mind my ex putting hearts on my photos and posts. But that's not the situation. I can see it's my trust issues on my mind - trying to manage this in the best way

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Cfmcg900 Wed 17-Jun-20 11:37:58

I didn't demand. I was the public post to say that he was in a relationship with her with them both tagged. I asked if he could remove that as it was giving out the wrong statement.

How could it be giving the wrong statement confused no one and I mean no one is going through his posts from a year ago.

Yes the hearts are weird and that would annoy me but being told to modify my past I’d be more annoyed about. I’m guessing you’re both quite young? Perhaps easier said than done but if you keep punishing him for things other people did you’re both going to be miserable, you need to stop. He’s entitled to his own life outwith you and yes that may include exs.

SconeTea Wed 17-Jun-20 11:38:45

Angelonia

I am Facebook friends with two exes. I personally wouldn't put a heart on their posts, but I would like them, and I'm not sure that's massively different? She might be the kind of person who hearts everyone's posts. I wouldn't delete old photos either.

I think you're being unreasonable OP, sorry.

would you have minded the in a relationship status showing the ex though? This is what I asked to be removed

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Angelonia Wed 17-Jun-20 11:40:29

Yes, I think it was ok for you to ask him to remove that. But not to ask him to tell her to stop reacting to his posts.

ErickBroch Wed 17-Jun-20 11:42:45

Eep I do think you need to calm down a bit - seem a bit obsessed with FB. I have been with my DP for 4 years and we have a house together - his FB still has loads of pics of him and his ex before me... he doesn't really use FB much and I don't really care! I know they aren't communicating so it's not a problem.

SconeTea Wed 17-Jun-20 11:43:21

Angelonia

Yes, I think it was ok for you to ask him to remove that. But not to ask him to tell her to stop reacting to his posts.

I agree on that. I wondered if I should say something about her reacting - because of how it makes me feel - but I don't want to come over as controlling.

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TheEmpressMatilda Wed 17-Jun-20 11:44:08

no one and I mean no one is going through his posts from a year ago.

No one needs to go through old posts. If you add someone’s name to a “in a relationship with” post then it shows up as your current relationship in your profile, regardless of when the original post was made.

ErickBroch Wed 17-Jun-20 11:47:14

@TheEmpressMatilda she is talking about the 'highlight' that says it on the feed. Not that shows at the top of the page automatically. Even if you end a relationship on FB, the highlight stays. So she has actively asked him to remove a highlight/lifetime event post from over a year ago. It's a bit much.

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