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AIBU or GP should at least acknowledge videos of grandchild

(156 Posts)
mintandcoral Wed 17-Jun-20 09:29:29

This might sound petty but I do feel like things that wouldn't necessarily have bothered me much before are getting to me a bit now we've been in lockdown for so long- so prepared to be told IABU.

Since lockdown started I was aware that grandparents on both sides would miss our 1 year old very much. Families on both sides live several hours drive away so we have been unable to see any of them since March. We usually see them at least once a month.

I already sent them the ocassional video but during lockdown I have started consistently sending videos to them of ds. I send them over watsapp to my mum, dad and MIL. FIL doesn't have a phone.

MIL repeatedly doesn't acknowledge that I have sent her these videos, which are only ever a couple of minutes long. I see the double blue ticks so I know that she has received them and watched them but nothing. I think it got to 10 videos, over the course of a couple of weeks once and she had said nothing.

In contrast my own parents who love the videos, comment on each one - even just to say 'wow he has grown' or 'his vocabulary is really coming along' or whatever stock gp phrase. I'm also in a group with my family where my sister shares videos of my cousins with her pil and parents and again, everyone generally will make a comment every now and then.

I'm not expecting poetry, I just find it odd having radio silence for sometimes weeks on end. When dh rings them says she misses him and wants to facetime with him. Do you think she just doesn't like me very much? There is a history of her sulking in the past and she can be extremely passive aggressive. I find this passive aggressive or am I over reacting and this is a normal response? I sent a ridiculous cute video last night and I just think how can you not even comment?!

IABU- totally normal gp doesn't acknowledge video
IANBU- behaviour is a bit weird

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Alexindiamondarmour Wed 17-Jun-20 09:32:29

YANBU OP, I’ve got similar with my MIL. I sent four photos two days ago and she completely ignored them and commented on something else random instead.
I am about to completely give up on bothering to be honest.

Baileyscheesecake Wed 17-Jun-20 09:32:52

Stop sending them to her and see if she asks why they’ve stopped!

heartsonacake Wed 17-Jun-20 09:34:28

YABU. She’s probably bored of all the videos; just stop sending them.

And no, her being bored doesn’t mean she doesn’t love her grandchild.

Seeline Wed 17-Jun-20 09:35:13

Usually see them once a month.
10 videos in 2 weeks.

Maybe she just feels a bit bombarded?

Sizedoesmatter Wed 17-Jun-20 09:37:34

I wouldn't bother sending her anything 🤷‍♀️ you can't force anyone to show an interest in your child, it's up to them. And you certainly don't have to facilitate a relationship for them. Try not to let it annoy you, let it be your DH's problem.

happytoday73 Wed 17-Jun-20 09:37:42

2 options...
Carry on sending as its a nice thing to do/you've tried to keep link etc
Stop sending and see if comment... It could purely be they don't think to respond to messages but really enjoy them...

Sunshine0620 Wed 17-Jun-20 09:38:21

Does she know how to use whatsapp/that she can comment?! My PIL happily respond to an email or text, or even use these means to reply to pics I send on WhatsApp, but don’t ever post on WhatsApp themselves!

CoffeeBeansGalore Wed 17-Jun-20 09:41:11

Just send one per week to her, & be prepared for no comments. Alternatively let dh send the video clips & let him deal with her. I used to send/give my MiL photos of our children (pre social media days . . .) & she never really said anything nice or displayed them with photos of her other grandchildren. So I stopped giving them. She didn't like me (after we married) & had very little to do with our children.

Colom Wed 17-Jun-20 09:42:01

My sister sends lots of videos of her DC to our family WhatsApp. It's beyond tedious! Yes I love my nephews and can't wait to see them, but I find videos of other people's children boring most of the time unless it's very, very funny/cute (which all of them will be to you as his mother but probably not to everyone else!)

Has she ever replied to your WhatsApp before? As in before lockdown? Maybe she doesn't use it very much or feel the need to reply to these things/understand the etiquette?

Shoxfordian Wed 17-Jun-20 09:42:59

Stop sending so many videos
My sil puts about a million photos a day of her son on facebook. Properly tedious. Not everyone is as fascinated as she is by her son

topclip1 Wed 17-Jun-20 09:43:45

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

mintandcoral Wed 17-Jun-20 09:44:48

@Sunshine0620 she is a younger gp and very tech literate.

ll just stop sending the videos then. I find it a bit at odds with her saying she misses my ds so much.

Her reaction is just so different to my own family who love getting little clips and actually ask for one if I haven't sent one in a while.

To be fair, my dh isn't that close to them. I'm ringing my parents every few days just to chat about inane stuff and they will ring every 2 weeks ot something and it's a much more formal 'catchup'. They're not so emotionally intertwined, although I think she thinks they are.

@CoffeeBeansGalore I don't think she likes me very much. There are a few things now.

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Spied Wed 17-Jun-20 09:45:24

I know my MIL would have been like this.
She would see it as some warped kind of bragging that DC is getting along fine without them and a kind of 'look what you're missing'. ( Dc 9+10 and even now she hates to see them happy doing things which involve me in any small way. Even photos of DC mucking around in the garden smiling at me have her green with envy and resentment that she's not a part of it).
I'd keep on sending the videos.

Sizedoesmatter Wed 17-Jun-20 09:46:07


Stop sending so many videos
My sil puts about a million photos a day of her son on facebook. Properly tedious. Not everyone is as fascinated as she is by her son

You do realise you could just unfollow her? There's no reason to be so bitter about it. There's actually a new feature where you can 'take a break' from people on fb. I've used it a few times, very handy.

mintandcoral Wed 17-Jun-20 09:46:09

@Colom she has replied before.

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mintandcoral Wed 17-Jun-20 09:48:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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Colom Wed 17-Jun-20 09:49:15

I see. Well maybe she doesn't like you and is being weird. Get your DH to send the next video and see if she responds - then you'll know. If it is the case that you think she's being passive agressisive/deliberately rude then just stop sending them. People like that don't deserve an effort made with them.

Sandybval Wed 17-Jun-20 09:51:19

She can miss him but find videos a bit boring, or perhaps makes her miss him even more. Just ask and say I've noticed you don't respond much to the videos I send, would you like me to stop sending them or do you enjoy getting them. I'm not sure it's worth making it into a huge deal or assuming anything from it.

Abadon34 Wed 17-Jun-20 09:51:40

I could watch videos al day of my little relatives. If she does find them boring then it’s not like she has to actually watch them. It would be polite to reply just to acknowledge your effort of keeping her updated. I’d agree that’s you should stop sending them. She can tell you herself if she wants them

mintandcoral Wed 17-Jun-20 09:52:17

@Colom thanks for the advice. I find it hard to deal with her as I just honestly don't understand her thought processes.

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HelloDulling Wed 17-Jun-20 09:52:21

Not replying doesn’t mean she doesn’t like the videos. You’ve sent them, she’s looked at them. Perhaps she sees that as the end of the transaction. Would you normally engage in text chat with her?

DoloresOnTheDottedLine Wed 17-Jun-20 09:52:37

Don’t assume too much OP - my MIL is exactly the same but then if I speak to her on the phone, she tells me she has watched them multiple times and shown them to all the neighbours she meets on her daily walk! She’s useless with her phone and I don’t think really gets that there is an etiquette to text messages - ie it’s considered polite to respond!!! She might be cooing over them and waiting eagerly for the next one but just be a bit clueless about the niceties!

mintandcoral Wed 17-Jun-20 09:53:10

@Abadon34 that's how I feel. Especially as that's our own form of contact now. I would maybe understand if we were still seeing each other in real life regularly?

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mintandcoral Wed 17-Jun-20 09:53:29

Sorry my typos have been awful!

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