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To think my male friend/colleague should not have asked me this!

(329 Posts)
AwkwardMoment2020 Tue 16-Jun-20 23:05:23

Backstory: We’ve been colleagues for around ten months and get on very well. It’s an informal, hipster type work place and all of us on the team tend to socialise together. Him and I have genuinely become friends and enjoy each other’s company. He’s always been very respectful and polite and we are both quite reserved people unlike the rest of the team who are more extrovert. We’ve never ever had any reason or cause to discuss sex.

This is our first week back at work in person and today we were having lunch together outside and catching up. My eye was a bit watery from hay fever and he leaned over and kind of put his thumb next to it as if looking closer and wiped a tear away that was running down and then commented it was a bit red looking in a concerned, caring sort of way. Then, really bloody randomly while he still had his hand near my face he said, really seriously

Have you ever let anyone cum on your face?

confused blush

I was really shocked and told him it was none of his business and not ok to ask me something so personal. He laughed and said “is that a no, then?” and said it’s the kind of thing friends discuss and he didn’t know why I was being so weird.

I don’t really have anyone to ask this in real life as it’s quite embarrassing but AIBU and weird. Or is it just not alright for someone to ask you something as graphic/sexual as that? As I say we don’t have a friendship where we talk about our sex lives or anything remotely sexual.

OP’s posts: |
nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut Tue 16-Jun-20 23:09:49

I am very close to a male colleague and we have had conversations about sex before and if he asked me that I would want to know what the fuck he had been taking. That is not even remotely acceptable

SaraLaraClara Tue 16-Jun-20 23:11:44

YA absolutely not BU at all. What a fucking disgusting thing to ask.

If I were you I'd talk to your boss/HR. He shouldn't be allowed to make you feel uncomfortable and tell you it's your fault for feeling that way.

Runbitchrun Tue 16-Jun-20 23:13:42

Not sure who’s voted YABU, I can only assume that’s a mistake, because that’s unbelievably inappropriate. I’d be complaining to my manager, and I’m not easy to offend.

june2007 Tue 16-Jun-20 23:13:58

Sounds like a poor attempt to be funny.

TestingTestingWonTooFree Tue 16-Jun-20 23:14:39

Not ok.

Raella50 Tue 16-Jun-20 23:14:48

You should report him to HR. What a prick!

AwkwardMoment2020 Tue 16-Jun-20 23:14:50

Thank you. I don’t know why I’m second guessing myself. It was just really jarring. One minute everything was normal and then to know that’s where his head was at just made me feel shocked and a bit disgusted and hurt even. I’ve had male friends my whole life and we’ve never had any of these sorts of conversations. But he made me feel like I was being weird, even though it was totally out of character for him too.

OP’s posts: |
Swirlyceiling Tue 16-Jun-20 23:15:49

I shuddered at him touching your face rn, first of all.

But what an absolute creep. DH has a few work friends that over share when it comes to sexual stories and I hate it, it is strange for work place friends to talk about sex.

Weird and inappropriate of him. I wonder if he wants more than just friendship from you.

AwkwardMoment2020 Tue 16-Jun-20 23:17:17

June I think I did say, “is this meant to be a joke or something” and he said “no, I’m just genuinely interested to know.” Then repeated the question.

It actually looks really creepy when I’ve written it down. envy

OP’s posts: |
BlessYourCottonSocks Tue 16-Jun-20 23:18:14

I'd report that to my manager. It's a disgusting and inappropriate comment to make to a woman in any context, but especially in a work setting.

I have male friends at work and we're quite sweary and rude but not one of them would ever make a remark like that to a woman.

Tootletum Tue 16-Jun-20 23:18:20

That is weird as fuck and unbelievably degrading. He's obviously been watching way too much porn and has lost touch with reality. I would expect an apology pronto from him. I would also just mention it to one or two other colleagues, something seems not right with him.

LorenzoVonMatterhorn Tue 16-Jun-20 23:18:23

Report him to HR. He is testing your boundaries and being massively inappropriate. He is not your friend.

ThatLockdownLyfe Tue 16-Jun-20 23:18:28

OP not everyone is who they pretend to be.

Are you quite young?

Unfortunately most men who are "friends" with women in the way you describe are thinking of them as a potential sex partner.

I have fallen foul of this twice in my 20s and actually got assaulted by one of them.

You would be amazed the lengths men will go to to disguise their sexual agenda. Sorry.

FOJN Tue 16-Jun-20 23:18:28

He's asking because he's thought about you that way would be my guess. Whether you report it or not is your decision but I would be making it very clear you found it unacceptable and you will not tolerate further inappropriate comments or intrusive questions. I'd find it as creepy as hell.

BlessYourCottonSocks Tue 16-Jun-20 23:19:41

Please report him. The fact that he repeated it is aggressive.

AwkwardMoment2020 Tue 16-Jun-20 23:20:13

Swirly, I’m not keen on sexual talk/banter with colleagues either, just my closest female friends and if I’m in a relationship.

He’s very happy with his girlfriend and constantly speaks about her and also in the past has tried to encourage me to get back into dating so I don’t think it’s anything like him wanting more with me lol.

OP’s posts: |
WorraLiberty Tue 16-Jun-20 23:20:17


Not sure who’s voted YABU, I can only assume that’s a mistake, because that’s unbelievably inappropriate. I’d be complaining to my manager, and I’m not easy to offend.

Some people vote YABU when the question is so ridiculously a no brainer.

TheMurk Tue 16-Jun-20 23:20:49

Exactly what @ThatLockdownLyfe said.

I also have been taken in by a male “mate” at work on more than one occasion.

Let me tell you, most of the time men don’t really want to be friends. They want to shag you.

FleurDaxeny Tue 16-Jun-20 23:21:18

I can't think of any other reaction than "that's disgusting, do not touch me ever again".

There's no environment where this would be remotely acceptable. It's a work place, I would be on him like a ton of bricks if he was a colleague of mine.

DragonflyInn Tue 16-Jun-20 23:22:02

Really creepy. Sounds like there’s a side to him he’s kept hidden for the last 10 months.

TheMurk Tue 16-Jun-20 23:22:11

Especially men who are “really happy with their girlfriends” then wiping liquid off your face while talking about cum....

Seriously. Put 2 + 2 together.

ohfourfoxache Tue 16-Jun-20 23:22:38


No, not ok. Not ok at all

TooTrueToBeGood Tue 16-Jun-20 23:22:43

Aye right.

Melia100 Tue 16-Jun-20 23:23:10

Completely inappropriate.

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