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Older parents need help wwyd?

(5 Posts)
Sibsmum Tue 16-Jun-20 00:25:52

Hello, genuine question, context first. We are 50's with teens and likely to be working for at least another 10 years before we can retire ( nearer 15 for me). We have lovely mothers in late 70's neither of whom are in the best health, but doing ok and living independently.
One mum is 20miles away, see her once a week, sometimes a bit more, help with shopping, little jobs etc. Other mum lives 4-5 hrs away, don't see her much a few times a year, and she comes to stay for a few days a couple of times a year. Distant mum has started to have a few more health issues, says she's lonely, all understandable, and we are planning to visit now we are allowed. However, we are both aware that we cannot offer this mum any regular help when we work full time, and probably are likey to for the rest of her natural life. We can't figure out how we can give that mum the same when she lives so far away. We would like to, but we haven't the time, or frankly the energy, with teens at home, and full time work.
We are thinking of asking her to move closer ( no family other than us in the country but we have lots of family closer to us distance wise) WWYD?

OP’s posts: |
cakeandchampagne Tue 16-Jun-20 01:18:21

Some people have a very difficult time with moving. How long has she been living there?

Rosebel Tue 16-Jun-20 01:22:18

Why not just suggest it and see what she thinks? If she is lonely perhaps she's hoping you'll suggest something like this.

FortunesFave Tue 16-Jun-20 01:23:31

You have my sympathies because we're in a similar position. MIL lives an hour away and we think it would be better for her to be near us.

She's half open to it but nervous naturally. We can't make her and aren't pressuring her....but it would be so much better for her. She'd see more of her grandchildren and more of us.

She could have impromtu teas with us and things. sad I wish there was a way to make it work out.

Leaannb Tue 16-Jun-20 01:32:11

The best way we handled this exact situation was to move SMIL and my mom in together. They kept some independance, had company and they were both close enough so we could give them both the time and help they needed.

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