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AIBU to not want my 3 year old to sleep at his fathers for a week?

(40 Posts)
MarionJJ Mon 15-Jun-20 23:33:50

My ex has asked for our son for a week. I said I will accept contact for 4 nights, but he wasnt happy, he starts shouting and becomes aggressive every time he doesnt get what he wants. He said if I dont give him what he wants he will take me to court. What contact arrangments does other people have?

OP’s posts: |
Hushabusha Mon 15-Jun-20 23:36:57

Let him take you to court. He probably won't bother. The fucker

june2007 Mon 15-Jun-20 23:37:56

Why not a wk if you are ok with 4 nights? Is it he wants a wk on a wk off? or is this just a one off?

lastqueenofscotland Mon 15-Jun-20 23:39:43

Let him take you to court. He won’t win.

OneEpisode Mon 15-Jun-20 23:39:45

What’s the longest recent contact they’ve had?

Whataloadofshite Mon 15-Jun-20 23:41:02

Tell him to go ahead and take you to court. He sounds like a bully.

chateaudekaleidoscope Mon 15-Jun-20 23:41:14

Do you mean as a one off or one week on one week off?

tuxedobeauty Mon 15-Jun-20 23:42:49

Why is the week a problem for your son OP?

OwlBeThere Mon 15-Jun-20 23:43:40

Why do you get to decide? He’s the child’s parent too. Would you like it if he decides you couldn’t have your child?

hannah1992 Mon 15-Jun-20 23:45:15

Is there a reason you wouldn’t like him to have him for a week?

8MinutesToSunrise Mon 15-Jun-20 23:46:51

A week is a really long time for a 3 year old.

NeverTwerkNaked Mon 15-Jun-20 23:53:02

I don't know why people are saying dad won't win. He shouldn't, but the family court system is horribly flawed. I left my ex because he was abusive. Court accepted he was abusive. He acknowledged he had barely spent any time with DD aged 18 months since she was born. Judge felt she would have a lovely time going on holiday with her dad for a week angry .

What people think should happen and what actually can happen are miles apart sadly

OneEpisode Tue 16-Jun-20 01:49:46

flowers for you. The pattern seems to be: Overnights before long weekends. Four days before a week.

Yeahnahmum Tue 16-Jun-20 02:05:43

Depends on the backstory and history really.
A week for a 3yo to spend with his dad sounds great. It's not like he is a baby still.

Also it sounds great to me that he wants to spend an entire week with him. But him yelling etc is not they way to go.
Why wouldn't you want your kid to go for a week? Is it because you don't want him to spend so much time with his dad. Or that you feel that you might not cope? Try to figure out why it is that you can say yes to 4 nights just not to 6 nights

MarionJJ Tue 16-Jun-20 09:25:18

He just wants a one off week, as he is off.

There is history of abuse and aggression, and in the past has just kept him an extra night which hasnt been agreed. I do feel that a week is too long for a 3 year old. He has every other weekend 3 nights, wihen leading up to this, I tried to do things slowing upping it 1 night at a time, we have been flexible since the lockdown, and has had extended times, last time he said he was ready to come back home, so only thought it was reasonable to do 1 extra, but 5 full days. When I try to talk to him, he just starts shouting in front of our son, which then causes me anxiety, when he just states just agree with him or it goes to court which he does all the time.

OP’s posts: |
MarionJJ Tue 16-Jun-20 09:26:19

How do other people work out contact and holiday arrangments?

OP’s posts: |
StylishMummy Tue 16-Jun-20 09:28:31

If he does 3 days every other weekend then why can't he have his son for a full week? If he's abusive he shouldn't have any contact, if he's not then he should have more time with his son if it can be facilitated. Unfortunately he's 50% his fathers unless a court says otherwise

ratethesenames Tue 16-Jun-20 09:30:38

My 3yo would be really upset to be away from me for a week and DH and I aren't separated. He would really miss me. He'd miss DH after 3 or 4 nights too I think.

TeacupDrama Tue 16-Jun-20 09:31:27

Often the arrangement of EOW includes half of the holidays so 3 weeks of the summer holidays would be reasonable not as 3 consecutive weeks but a father wanting a whole week to take his son on holiday or for staycation or to see his parents in different part of the country is not going to be seen as unreasonable

theonlywayisapple Tue 16-Jun-20 09:34:38

He is the parent as well. How would you feel if he denied you a full week? Can't stand mothers who use their kids as pawns

dicksplash Tue 16-Jun-20 09:38:51

The shouting aside as that is clearly wrong and inappropriate.

Why shouldn't he have his son for a week? Why is it seen that children can't be away from mums for a long period but it's perfectly ok for them to be away from their dads?

The longer this sort of arrangement goes on the harder and weirder it will be for children to spend longer periods with the nrp (usually the dad).

I would hope if my husband and I broke up we would start with 50/50 as the norm. As much as I would miss my children I know my DH would miss them as much and just because I am mum doesn't mean my wants out strip his.

FatalSecrets Tue 16-Jun-20 09:41:01

Document the shouting, aggression and abuse.

Let him take you to court. You’ve shown you’re trying to be reasonable by gradually upping contact.

Does he pay maintenance?

EasynowPatrick Tue 16-Jun-20 09:55:35

It’s not about being away from mum vs dad, it’s about being away from their primary care giver. Lots of 3 year olds would be ok with this but lots wouldn’t.

TheHarryFormerlyKnownAsPrince Tue 16-Jun-20 10:04:07

I think that as your ds is used to spending three nights at his dad’s, a week isn’t unreasonable and I don’t know why people are saying the courts wouldn’t grant it.

Do you have concerns about his care of ds? Does ds have a positive relationship with him? Does ds cope ok with the three nights?

I think promoting his relationship with both parents is important. His dad doesn’t sound very nice though on the one hand but I also think I would be frustrated and upset if my ex told me I couldn’t have a week off with my child so it’s hard to know who is unreasonable there. But on the face of it Yabu not to let ds spend a week with his dad.

toomuchpeppapig Tue 16-Jun-20 10:06:00

Let him take you to court if you're really that bothered. Be aware though that if he actually bothers to do so you may have to let him have more access going forward, permanently.

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