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To think we deserve better?

(5 Posts)
KellyHall Mon 15-Jun-20 21:26:50

There is a huge back story, I actually think dh has IED but my actual question is about today because I've got so much anger built up, I wonder if IABU now too.

Strawberry picking with dh and 3 yo dd, I told dh all about the place before we went, including that the farm has a social distancing rule that people stay together as a group. When we arrived, dh immediately started walking ahead and I reminded him we should stay together. By the time dd and I are half way down the first section, dh has gone all the way to the end and along several more sections by himself and is shouting he's found loads and we need to hurry up. Dd and I had been looking at the strawberries, talking about which were really green and which were nearly red, listening to the birds singing and generally enjoying being in the countryside. By the time we'd caught up to dh, he'd started walking off up that section. Dd called him and told him we have to stay together. He came back really grumpy, said he'd just been walking at his own pace and wanted to pick the good strawberries before everyone else did. I reiterated the staying together rule, reminded him we're all out to spend time with each other, and that walking at his own pace is fine when he's alone but not when we're all out together. He said he'd wait by the car because he wasn't going to pick any more strawberries, dd told him to stop being horrible and to apologise. He said he wasn't being anything so wouldn't apologise. I reminded him he complains dd won't adhere to basic instructions and that's exactly what he was doing. Dd made him stay and pick more strawberries. He still isn't sorry, he never is.

Dd had actually asked me if daddy was staying at home before we went out, it seemed she didn't want him to come but I'd said we should make the most of spending time together while he's furloughed. Previously dh worked full time and I worked around his hours, dd and I did loads just the two of us, dh and I rarely saw each other.

If you've got this far, thank you!

OP’s posts: |
TooTiredTodayOk Mon 15-Jun-20 21:43:16

He said he'd wait by the car because he wasn't going to pick any more strawberries, dd told him to stop being horrible and to apologise

Dd had actually asked me if daddy was staying at home before we went out

It's bad times when your 3y/o DD has the measure of a man far better than you have.

He sounds like a cock.

He didn't want to be there - with the two of you - and made it obvious. He wanted to get some strawberries picked and go, he wasn't arsed about actually spending the time with you both.

By 'huge backstory' I take it you mean you've been accepting of this type of behaviour from him for a long time now. What a shame for your DD, it spoilt what should have been a nice trip out for her - although it sounds like, sadly, she's already used to it.

luanmapo Mon 15-Jun-20 21:45:58

Sounds like my life entirely!!!
Can’t do anything without some sort of upset to DH!!

KellyHall Mon 15-Jun-20 21:54:27

I'm relieved to read your replies.

If dh wasn't on the verge of being made redundant, I'd hoof him out. He has an awful family who made him miserable growing up and says dd and I are the only people he's ever loved so I couldn't possibly take away us and his home if he's also going to lose his job all at the same time.

I just wish he could see the severity of his behaviour. He was actually trying really hard after an ultimatum last autumn but lockdown, furlough and the threat of redundancy has hit him hard. He still hadn't made up for the past when these new excuses to be stressed popped up. The biggest issue is that he's never sorry.

Thing is, I'm really concerned if we did split up I'm sure he'd do his absolute best to poison dd against me. But I also think if we're going to split up, it would be better to fo it while dd is still young. I'm so confused!

OP’s posts: |
KellyHall Mon 15-Jun-20 21:55:22

@luanmapo I'm really sorry to hear your life is also so unnecessarily stressful flowers

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