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Anyone else just broken :(

(64 Posts)
Calledyoulastnightfromglasgow Mon 15-Jun-20 12:33:26

I’m in scotland. We are looking at part time school for maybe another year. Kids not jack until August.

I am just broken. I only work part time, three kids, two at school. Rightly or wrongly, I can’t cope any more. I have cried all morning and just given up. I appreciate this makes me weak - people have amazing suggestions for working at nights and triple tasking. I can’t do it anymore. I can’t concentrate, I’m exhausted and I can’t stop crying, I’m not depressed - I’m utterly mentally worn out.

I just can’t see any way ahead. I’m unable to do my job and manage any kind of meaningful work. I find looking after the house a full time job. DH job is being prioritised as we can’t cope without his salary. He is doing his best but has constant client calls and is working long hours.

I just want to get signed off and run away.

Has anyone else been signed off? I know my career is fucked now anyway and I will be first out with redundancies so what is the point of me even battling through.

sleepismysuperpower1 Mon 15-Jun-20 12:45:43

I'm sorry, that sounds really tough. Do you think you need to talk to your GP, OP? They can refer you to counselling services at no cost to you which might help a little?
all the best x

Toilenstripes Mon 15-Jun-20 12:47:37

How old are your children? Can they do a bit more to help out?

recycledteenager24 Mon 15-Jun-20 12:49:11

you are not broken and you are not weak but you are mentally worn out with all the lockdown and the stresses it has imposed on everyone.
you can't run away from it either but try to take each day as it comes and be kind to yourself. you are human, not a robot.
how old are your dc ?

Calledyoulastnightfromglasgow Mon 15-Jun-20 12:49:55

My kids are brilliant. That’s why I feel like I am just failing. People have way worse to deal with. At the moment they are playing together upstairs as I have given up on school work again. So I should be working but have given up....

I don’t know if I’m eligible for counselling but I feel like i can’t manage what is on my plate if that makes sense. I am not physically able to do what is asked of me and I’m not sure if counselling can change that mindset.

How on Earth is anyone managing this?

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland Mon 15-Jun-20 12:51:28

No one is OP. Not really.

It is why enough is enough and the lockdown must end. It is an utterly disproportionate response to the level of risk.

Calledyoulastnightfromglasgow Mon 15-Jun-20 12:51:51

They are 9,7 and 5. They are actually easy kids. I already found my work and the kids a nightmare juggle but lockdown and WFH has broken me. I figured I could hold out until August but scotland is being even more cautious.

I very much appreciate responses.

I feel like getting signed off is just ridiculous when others are managing - and more.

speakout Mon 15-Jun-20 12:53:00

I sympathise.

I was just listening to the Scottish news on the radio in my car and the discussion about schools. My heart goes out to anyone in such a situation.
sleepismysuperpower1 what is this mythical counselling? I don't know where you live, but there is virtually no NHS counseling avaliable here, except for the most serious MH situations- even then it is hard to access help.

OP do you have friends in a similar situation? Parents of your childrens' school friends perhaps?
Once distancing is relaxed a little more it may be possible to give each other a break.

Pambalambalam Mon 15-Jun-20 12:55:22

I feel the same, I cried all day yesterday. Some days are slightly better than others but it is just really shit. I’m sorry, I have no advice but you are not alone in feeling that way and it doesn’t mean you’re weak. It’s a natural response.

GreyishDays Mon 15-Jun-20 12:57:19

Also Scotland. So far we’ve been told we’re getting 4 days of schooling every three weeks. I just want to cry all the time.

sleepismysuperpower1 Mon 15-Jun-20 12:58:17

@speakout some companies such as this one below offer it, through your GP. I do appreciate it will most likely be very oversubscribed though.
counsellingfoundation.org/personal-counselling/nhs-short-term-counselling/

speakout Mon 15-Jun-20 12:59:20

sleepismysuperpower1 I don't think that organisation operates in Scotland.

speakout Mon 15-Jun-20 12:59:55

I suspect Scotland is experiencing the harshest lockdown of any countries in the world at the moment.

Jellycatspyjamas Mon 15-Jun-20 13:00:08

I have a 9 and 7 year old, both with additional support needs. I work part time too and am finding it impossible. My two need pretty much constant attention and really struggle with homeschooling and while my work is incredibly flexible, I feel the pressure of not getting stuff done in good time. I’m also struggling with having practically no time to myself - I’ve a super supportive husband and think I should be more able to manage, but the reality is it’s very hard going. My mental health has taken a dip and I was really relying on things being more normal by August - which just isn’t going to happen and with partial school looks like it might actually be harder.

I’m worried about my kids education, there isn’t the support for their learning difficulties and I’m not trained you teach them. It’s very hard OP, if you think having some time where you just don’t need to think about work will help, get yourself signed off for a while. Counselling might help too but more for having someone to properly talk things through with rather than it physically changing things. You’re not alone in finding it impossible. I’m a fully capable, professional woman but this is beating me.

Weekday28 Mon 15-Jun-20 13:03:54

My kids are the same age. I hit the wall last week and rang in sick and called my gp. I didn't realise but I just wasn't sleeping and that was making it much worse. Can you drop hours? I'm really sorry. Its mega tough at the moment x

GuiltyBark Mon 15-Jun-20 13:04:08

Do what you can and really believe me, no one is acing this. My sons teacher confirmed only 8 children out if 30 are participating in school work at all. You're doing much more than many. Big hugs though it really is so ridiculous what we are expected to do. Government has given up on our children they don't care it seems.

InfiniteGerbils Mon 15-Jun-20 13:04:10

PHONE YOUR HEALTH VISITOR
PHONE YOUR HEALTH VISITOR
PHONE YOUR HEALTH VISITOR.

This was us 4 weeks ago, we basically collapsed with the weight of it all and it was on here someone said she’d called her HV and got into a hub nursery/school.

It worked for us, we have had some awfully stressful shit happen to us over the past few weeks and the ability to deal with it is because of the hub location places the children had as we “were clearly a family in crisis”.

I am guessing that your youngest is below school age so you will still be able to engage with your HV.

I send you so much love, I know where you are at and I am so angry and upset with all of it I feel like burning the fucking Saltire but then I step back and think “maybe all this will be a bad dream and by the time schools will return in August perhaps everyone will have given their head a wobble”.

78falalalala Mon 15-Jun-20 13:09:23

Have a look at mood juice - it’s an nhs support. I live in England and was directed to it. Hopefully it’ll give you some coping mechanisms. It’s tough just now

Calledyoulastnightfromglasgow Mon 15-Jun-20 13:19:28

It’s so shit isn’t it? I am sorry i am not alone. I feel so angry too. I feel so guilty for basically trying to ignore my kids. For education being the last, last priority.

I am utterly crap at admitting I can’t manage. I can’t imagine what I would say to my HV. I would love to get youngest into some kind of childcare.

I think I will try to phone GP but I need to calm down as I’m still sobbing. What a bloody state to get myself into.

awmum2b Mon 15-Jun-20 13:26:34

Also in Scotland and a single mum to a just turned 2 year old.

I have been working from home and juggling child care for 14 weeks now (off with chicken pox the week before nurseries closed, sob!)...I had a week off on leave and just couldn't stop crying, the thought of then going back to the relentless juggle pushed me over the edge. I spoke with my GP who signed me off for a fortnight and referred me to counselling. I didn't actually follow up on the counselling as i was a bit fed up of "talking" about things and every time i did i just cried more!

I actually found that after the time off i felt more capable of working again. I managed to get some semblance of organisation in the house prior to returning to work which helped.

I have now scheduled my day so that I am working 7:30-2 and then logging off, thankfully my child still naps so i get some quality work done then....I then work another couple of hours in the evening. I have also taken some additional leave and dropped to part time hours so i'm not always working when my child is awake. This has really helped. I have a couple more weeks at work and then another weeks leave booked so at least I know a break is coming. I'm also hoping that some clarity on nurseries might be available soon, although they are very focused on schools and we appear to have been forgotten about.

Are there any other parts of your life you can get some help with to free up some of the pressures? Maybe hiring a cleaner for a couple of hours a week to stop you worrying about the housework? Send your washing and ironing offsite? Click and collect shopping? The fact that no-one is coming in my house means i am caring less about the housework, lol.

It's not easy and I am also feeling hugely frustrated with our lock down and the lack of clarity on how it's all going to work, but you can cope, you have coped and you will cope some more...because you've got to.

Kokeshi123 Mon 15-Jun-20 13:28:43

Honestly, at this stage I would be talking with friends and discussing some ways of just discretely breaking the rules and pooling childcare responsibilities.

Dk20 Mon 15-Jun-20 13:29:23

I was feeling the exact same last week.
I'm WFH full time with a baby and a 6yo with SEN here. Ds wont be back to school until September, I wont be back to the office at all this year. Dp works away from home Monday to Friday and has started back today so I wont even have adult company Monday to Friday any more.

I felt like you last week, I wanted to be signed off from work as I was really struggling. I got to the weekend, spent a lot of the weekend sad and cried a lot.

For some strange reason I feel much better today 🤷‍♀️

fartyface Mon 15-Jun-20 13:30:14

I'm with you op. Very similar situation.

Kokeshi123 Mon 15-Jun-20 13:30:53

DISCREETLY not discretely!

FleurDaxeny Mon 15-Jun-20 13:32:02

You need to chill.

Give the kids a week off - movies, order stuff to keep them occupy.
No school work this week. They are far too young to get upset about it.

Give yourself a couple of days to sort the most urgent things in the house, depending on its state. No deep spring clean, just walk around each room with a rubbish bag and an ikea bag: everything need to go back to where it belongs, be binned or in the ikea bag to be brought where it belongs.
I swear even working full time it won't take 2 days!

Done.

Then grab husband and design your own school schedule for next weeks. Reading, writing and maths more than enough for the little ones.
What can they do independently (even if sitted next to you), what do they need help with.

Book a take-away for a few nights this week (if restaurants are delivering in Scotland?), and plan a couple of lazy evenings watching crap on tv. If you could, a couple of 'sick days" would help.

And breathe.

It's been long enough that you know
the times YOU have to work
the times your children work better, need break, watch tv...

I find the only way is to be mega organised, prepare the school work at the weekend, and spend 1 hour every evening going through the day, so everything is ready, papers, books, internet links etc.. whilst I am working.

You can do that, just don't bother trying to replicate a "school". Kids do not have to work 9 to 3!

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