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Car crash 10 months on

(96 Posts)
Sweetpeonie123 Mon 15-Jun-20 07:12:23

Sorry I didn’t know where to post but would really appreciate some advice and perspective.

10 months ago I crashed my car into another car at a crossroads. I didn’t see the give way sign which had partially been tarmaced over and got out and admitted complete liability on the spot. It didn’t and still doesn’t matter to me that I did this. I knew it was ultimately my fault and I didn’t want to play games. Just got background, all the neighbours cane out (it was in a residential area) and were very helpful to both me and the other driver and said this had been the fourth or fifth time this had happened in months on that spot and that nothing had been done by the council. Later on whilst I waited for a car to be towed, a woman came up to me and asked if it was my car in the accident and then said she’d had the same accident a few weeks earlier although she was the other driver in that situation.

Sorry, I just want to give all this for background.

The other car involved in my crash flipped over and the neighbours had to upright the car. Amazingly the man walked out with not a scratch apart from a small cut to his finger.

The police and paramedics arrived and he was taken to hospital but later discharged once they looked him over.

He was very upset and angry with me at the time and his wife came to the scene and she said as long as you’re both ok that’s the main thing. I spoke to him and his wife the day after and he was feeling much happier, said my insurance had been in touch and he was pleased they were giving him a courtesy car and he was fine. All good.

Yesterday I had a phone call from his wife. He died last month. It was very upsetting, she opened with you killed my husband, then she said the crash caused his cancer. As we spoke, she said he had bladder and prostrate cancer on and off since 2006 but that the crash weakened him and he was unable to fight it off this time and he died in much pain. She said they had not received much money from the insurance and than the funeral had been very expensive. She said the doctor had told her the crash had led to his death due to muscle weakness and she was crying on the phone and said she was very lonely.

I feel shell shocked and very upset. I’ve offered to go round and see her today and she said ok. She doesn’t live very far from me and I also told her she can call me anytime to vent at me if she wants and that I’m so sorry.

But everyone I’ve spoken to says I must not go round and must not engage with her. This seems very harsh and I just don’t know what to do. I was going to just stand on her door step and speak to her.

I feel quite helpless at the moment and that I am to blame for this.

OP’s posts: |
Windyatthebeach Mon 15-Jun-20 07:15:24

Yanbu to feel rubbish about this op. Although it wasn't your fault at all.
Yabu to contemplate going round.
Imo she is trying to scam you.
Send some flowers and detach...

Blueuggboots Mon 15-Jun-20 07:16:31

I think this situation had huge potential to lead to "you should pay me money because you crashed into him".
You absolutely didn't cause him to die. He already had bladder cancer and getting out of an upturned car with a scratched finger does not cause cancer to "come back".
I'm sure this lady has plenty of people to vent toX

Perch Mon 15-Jun-20 07:20:06

You really need to stop contact with her immediately
His death is not your fault.
If she contacts you again, tell her to stop and after that go to the police. It is completely inappropriate.
She wants something to blame and the crash is very convenient.
Do not go and meet her!!!!!

McCaticusCat Mon 15-Jun-20 07:22:16

Do not engage with her.

She's either angry due to grief and looking for someone to blame...or trying to get money out of you (or both).

Either scenario is going to end badly for you if you go round.

What a horrible thing to happen to you, you sound like you've done the right thing throughout.

Incidentally - have you got on to the council about the road signs? Might be a way to help you feel better and prevent anything similar happening again.

WoollyMammouth Mon 15-Jun-20 07:22:33

She’s looking for someone to blame, She’s angry. His death is not your fault. Stop contact now.

Sweetpeonie123 Mon 15-Jun-20 07:22:55

I understand that she’s grieving. She said the funeral was just this last week and she is probably lashing out.

It seems very unkind to just turn away from her. I don’t know if she is after money or she feels no one has paid the price for her husband’s death. I think she is just angry and upset to be honest.

I am worried that I did contribute or cause him to die. She said that the doctor has said the crash had led to it and to him being in pain.

OP’s posts: |
PirateWeasel Mon 15-Jun-20 07:23:40

No no no this sounds incredibly dodgy. Don't engage at all. It's incredibly inappropriate of her to contact you at all. She can't be so lonely that her only contact is someone who crashed into her husband's car months ago! And to be really cynical... How do you know he is really dead?

SunnySummerDays Mon 15-Jun-20 07:23:54

Personally i don’t think you should get involved and the lady shouldn’t have contacted you. Even if you were at fault you have to think of your own wellbeing. You have to think he was ill anyway. You know the crash didn’t injure him so he may have died now with or without the crash. He was checked at the time and fine. And you also said the road was a bad junction and other accidents. Please leave them to it . My son was involved in an accident 18 months ago and he was injured, not his fault, and still having hospital treatment but not once have I thought about going to the mans house to moan. We are still going through an insurance claim. Hope that helps.

Marlena1 Mon 15-Jun-20 07:24:13

OP, I really don't think it would be wise to engage. This person is capable of saying anything to get what she wants. She has proven that. You owe her nothing. Insurance paid out. This isn't your fault, it's just a sad coincidence.

Sweetpeonie123 Mon 15-Jun-20 07:24:13

No I did not go to the council as the residents there said they had lodged a complaint with them but I’m going to chase that up today.

I guess I feel she has a right to be angry with me and it is my responsibility to bear it.

OP’s posts: |
letmethinkaboutitfornow Mon 15-Jun-20 07:25:32

Tough decision.
She sounds full with grief and probably going through the bereavement phases
She doesn’t mean it, she is just angry of her loss. Which is understandable. She is probably lonely, had to go through the last few months without any help from family, had all the COVID panic...
I would go around with some flowers, cake and a cuppa in a travel mug.
If you feel a strong person who doesn’t get intimidated easily, has high level of emotional intelligence ... I would go around.💐

(Disclaimer, Re strong person if she wants money you need to say no)

letmethinkaboutitfornow Mon 15-Jun-20 07:27:05

I guess I feel she has a right to be angry with me and it is my responsibility to bear it.

That’s not true!

Windyatthebeach Mon 15-Jun-20 07:27:32

If it was your fault in any way the police would have taken it further...
Step away op. Getting involved will lead to bad times for you..

makingmammaries Mon 15-Jun-20 07:27:47

If what she says is true, there would have been an inquest and the accident would have been recorded as contributing to his death.

I would get back to your insurers and ask them if they can get any information. Send her flowers with a sympathy card. Tell her you have been advised by your legal representative that you cannot see her at this time.
There’s a massive economic crisis. That’ll be why she is contacting you now.

Noeuf Mon 15-Jun-20 07:30:05

Don't go round. How can you anyway? There's a pandemic?

Tell the insurance she has rung and the contents of the call, tell her you've done that and do not go round. You only owe her honesty about the incident for insurance purposes which you've done.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross Mon 15-Jun-20 07:32:17

I agree with what absolutely everyone else has said. It is a horrible thing to have happened, but car crashes do not cause cancer, nor do they make it worse.

Yes, his widow is grieving and is lashing out. But there is no way she would have mentioned the cost of the funeral if she were not looking for this dialogue to lead the way to some sort of financial settlement to her. If your insurance has settled the claim and it is closed, then that is that - you really shouldn't engage with her at all in any way.

His death is not your fault.

EnidsCrochetCorner Mon 15-Jun-20 07:37:08

She said they had not received much money from the insurance and than the funeral had been very expensive

Alarm bells, she wants money from you. Do not go round, send her flowers and a card but you are not responsible for his death. It is incredibly sad that this happened but you are not to blame for his cancer.

WoollyMammouth Mon 15-Jun-20 07:38:14

I would be very careful, it sounds like she’s after money.

NiceTwin Mon 15-Jun-20 07:40:55

How fast were you going to flip his car over (missing point)?
That must have been an awful shock for him.
Do not blame yourself, had the car accident have anything to do with his death, it would be brought up at the inquest.

His wife is probably looking to blame somebody because she is sad, don't be that person.
No good will come out of you visiting her.

AlwaysCheddar Mon 15-Jun-20 07:43:24

It’s not your fault. He had cancer. She’s angry and wants to blame someone. Don’t engage and certainly do not give her money.

Oysterbabe Mon 15-Jun-20 07:47:04

She's after money. Don't talk to her again, his death is nothing to do with you.

Flynn999 Mon 15-Jun-20 07:49:37

You are not responsible for his death, do not go round, you don’t even know him. What are you going to chat about? The time you crashed into him and spent maybe 2 hours with him whilst you waited for police etc? Personally I would send a message saying your sorry to hear of the death of her husband and you feel it would be inappropriate to come round due to social distance rules. Then block her number.

It may be some weird type of compo claim she’s trying to do, so get you to admit your at fault, she then tries to sue etc. I don’t even know if this is legally possible. On the other hand he may not even be dead and there is every chance they are trying to scam money from her.

You are not responsible for the death of her husband.

crimsonlake Mon 15-Jun-20 07:53:22

How awful for you and what a difficult thing for you to bear.
I agree it is best not to go around or communicate with her any further. The poor woman is grieving and looking for someone to blame. Try not to blame yourself.

brusselsprout5 Mon 15-Jun-20 07:54:30

Oh OP this sounds awful for you. She is obviously very upset & angry at the whole situation & her grief is making her behave in a way that could harm you.

She could want money but she may be mentally unstable & want to harm you. Please, please do not meet with her. Do not put yourself at risk in any way. If possible cut off all contact?

This doesn't sound like it was your fault at all & you yourself might want some legal advice over the accident.

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