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AIBU?

If a guys exes claim they were emotionally/physically abused by him you wouldn't give him a chance?

39 replies

PunkyPirate · 14/06/2020 23:46

Guy has 4 kids by 3 different woman.

2 of them are toddlers/babies he's never met or paid any maintenance for.

Eldest one he has no parental rights too as it went to court.

Other child he is separated from the mum was seeing every other weekend but the child was becoming too upset and hated leaving mum so now he doesn't bother.

Also, 3 out of 5 of his most recent partners have claimed he was physically and emotionally abusive.

Why would you give him a chance? Why would you let him look after your children when you've only been together a matter of months? And why would you believe all his exes are psychos and he's this amazing, loving father he claims to be but it's the mothers faults that he's not in his children lives?!!!

OP posts:

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hibbledobble · 14/06/2020 23:50

Are you one of the mums? I assume that the new partner doesn't know all of the above information

FuchsiaFox · 14/06/2020 23:51

Because some people are either A)utterly successful manipulators and abusers that you dont see it till it's too late, or B) some women think that it will be different for them/they are different to his exes, or C) dont want to lose face by leaving him as they had already committed to him prior to finding out further information and may stick by due to a twisted sense of duty to see it through, or D) theyve experienced abuse before and he seems "different" to their past experiences.

Just my two pence.

Whenwilllifebenormal · 14/06/2020 23:51

No I definitely wouldn’t but then the new gf probably has no awareness of everything you have mentioned. He’s probably been able to manipulate her and explain away anything she’s ever asked him.

borntohula · 15/06/2020 00:14

Well, I wouldn't.

NC4Now · 15/06/2020 00:17

I’d run a mile, but you’re clearly talking about a very specific scenario. Who is this person you’re concerned about?

LorenzoVonMatterhorn · 15/06/2020 00:21

Some women think they wont be like that with them.
Some women have Such poor self esteem they think that’s all they deserve.
Some women believe liars. And more important, they want to believe them.
Loneliness and anything being better than that.
He might not be as bad yet as their ex who was abusive.
Some women have been raised in households with such poor examples of relationships, this Looks positive.

Lynda07 · 15/06/2020 00:27

I don't get why he would have to look after new girlfriend's children. She would be foolish to have a man like that living with her.

OldQueen1969 · 15/06/2020 00:58

Speaking as wife number four (later replaced by wife number 5), I was naive and foolish enough due to being in a bad place to stay married to a similar chap for 14 years. It ended spectacularly badly and I too became a psycho ex. Realising that he was the common denominator was an utter revelation. All the (utterly selective) honesty about his failed marriages with a side dish of "I admit I made mistakes" was what convinced me he could be a different man fr me - ha ha ha.....

My advice would be to run for the hills and possibly put an ocean between the people in question if humanly possible......

Wife number 5 has just been kicked into touch and he and others believe it's her fault.....

Some men are absolutely incapable of change.

user1473878824 · 15/06/2020 01:05

I wouldn’t waste time on a man who can’t be bothered to see his children. I assume you’re one of his exes. What’s your option? Tell her and hope she believes you over the new perfect boyfriend? If it’s you and your new boyfriend, dump.

Rumbletumbleinmytummy · 15/06/2020 02:06

Women often feel like they can change a man, or just choose to not see it..."well hes not like that with me..."
But the truth is, if theres one woman saying it, yeah maybe he isnt the problem, maybe she is, maybe it's a mixture of both of them.
By the time its 2 or 3 + women and children were talking about that person has very little chance of being a- a decent partner who isnt abuse or b- a loving father figure, or anyone who should really be around kids.
If this man is not actively involved in 3 of his own children's lives, he isnt going to be a ray of sunshine to children who arent his, is he.

Personally I'd run a bloody mile even with 1 ex who says hes abusive.

DeeCeeCherry · 15/06/2020 02:09

Ego coupled with saviour mode. Women who'd let a loser like that even touch them, are boosted by being thought of as better than those other women. Also - he's the victim she's going to soothe & save. Actually saviour mode is another form of ego before sense anyway

Purpleartichoke · 15/06/2020 05:16

Wouldn’t even consider a first date. Any of those things are deal breakers on their own

Kids by multiple women
Doesn’t see all his children regularly
Exes say he is abusive

Yeahnahmum · 15/06/2020 05:56

I wouldn't even consider looking in his direction..

letmethinkaboutitfornow · 15/06/2020 06:00

YANBU - tell your friend / ‘victim-to-be’ to RUN!
More red flags 🚩 than I care to count!

GarlicMonkey · 15/06/2020 06:20

She's been groomed. Women don't start relationships with abusive men, they start relationships with the fake, charming, public persona that these men have perfected to a tee. They can never keep it up though. His mask will slip.

InfiniteSheldon · 15/06/2020 06:52

Dc by multiple women should be a total relationship deal breaker. Why would you put your personal happiness in a serial liar and cheaters hands.

TwilightPeace · 15/06/2020 06:57

The woman will have been warned by him well in advance about his ‘psycho exes’. Elaborate sob stories about how they are vindictive bitches who used the kids as pawns and how he is victim, a wonderful guy who always tried to do the right thing

iMatter · 15/06/2020 07:12

It was a no from me after the first sentence

AdultierAdult · 15/06/2020 07:17

To be honest unless the kids were grown up it’d be a no just on the basis of him having 4 kids! Double no from so many partners, and run for the hills screaming at the first whiff of all that drama.

AlwaysCheddar · 15/06/2020 07:45

No at the first line.

EsmeShelby · 15/06/2020 07:57

No, run.

contrmary · 15/06/2020 08:00

No, I wouldn't give them a chance just because of the first point let alone the following ones.

People can change but this guy has demonstrated he won't.

Shoxfordian · 15/06/2020 08:11

I wouldn't go near a man like that

BluebellForest836 · 15/06/2020 08:13

Because the new women is as stupid as all the other women.

Starbuggy · 15/06/2020 08:30

Just for all the kids with different women who he doesn’t see or pay maintenance for would be more than enough to run away fast!

The rest of it just confirms what we already guessed from the first sentence.

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