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To be sad when some said to me

(20 Posts)
Whitegrenache Sun 14-Jun-20 20:53:19

"You are really lovely and I think you are misunderstood."

I felt totally kicked in the teeth like that means other people don't like me

Am I over reacting ?

OP’s posts: |
Sparklesocks Sun 14-Jun-20 20:55:17

I think it’s hard to say intentions with just that one comment in isolation.

JoyDivisionOvenGlovesx Sun 14-Jun-20 20:55:24

But what was the context? Had you just complained about something/someone to the person who said that to you?

Wearywithteens Sun 14-Jun-20 20:58:15

Some people won’t like you. That’s life. It’ll be more so if you’re one of those people who crave approval. Learn to like yourself and worry less about what randoms think, good or bad.

ItsSpittingEverybodyIn Sun 14-Jun-20 20:59:00

Who said it to you and why?
When I was younger I used to go out around town on a Saturday night and I always used to see the same man, he seemed nice and we always said hi, how are you doing etc but never much more than that. This went on for a couple of years. Then one night he came up to me and said, you're a lovely girl, don't listen to what others say about you, you're individual, always just be yourself! It was not provoked by anything and I took it to mean that everyone else was looking at me thinking I was a total mess or something, it really knocked my confidence and I stopped going out. I will always remember that.

Bmidreams Sun 14-Jun-20 21:00:40

It depends. I can imagine someone saying that about me. I am really lovely, but can have a hard exterior and be forthright in my views!!

BeNiceToYourSister Sun 14-Jun-20 21:03:41

Totally depends on context. Also, people say all kinds of shite - take comments like that with a pinch of salt is my advice!

Notverybright Sun 14-Jun-20 21:06:29

I would think the person who said that to you is a shit stirring arsehole.

Ghostlyglow Sun 14-Jun-20 21:08:53

Back-handed compliment. Whoever said that to you is not to be trusted (and probably hoped you would react).

EmmetEmma Sun 14-Jun-20 21:09:55

If you hadn’t asked what others though of you then I would think that the person who said that was a total shit stirrer.

It must hurt - but try hard to ignore them

PicsInRed Sun 14-Jun-20 21:12:05


I would think the person who said that to you is a shit stirring arsehole.


mintandcoral Sun 14-Jun-20 21:12:50

I don't have any advice but I have had this in various forms throughout my life. 'you're nothing like people say you are', 'I've said to people how nice you actually are'!! I think I have resting bitch face. When I was younger people I didn't even know made up all sorts of rubbish about me, things I'd supposedly said/done. I literally didn't even know them! People are often jealous and try to shake your confidence by making comments like this.

Saz12 Sun 14-Jun-20 21:28:34

Don’t worry: I like you, even if nobody else does.

SoloMummy Sun 14-Jun-20 21:57:38

I would take this as you come across as one thing, but until someone sees past this, they assume wysiwyg.

ThinkPinkStink Sun 14-Jun-20 22:36:07

I think that sort of comment says more about the person saying it, than about you.

Maybe they want to endear themselves to you - but don't know how.

Maybe they want to drive a wedge between you and other people - for whatever reason.

Maybe they enjoy undermining other people's confidence - because they're a dick.

Maybe they're just grossly socially inept - and said it completely flippantly.

Whatever their reasons, it was a shitty and unnecessary thing to say.

Doingtheboxerbeat Sun 14-Jun-20 22:43:13

Is negging something that only happens in romantic relationship scenarios, because I have had a friend who did this to me to knock my confidence hmmconfused.

Whitegrenache Mon 15-Jun-20 07:21:03

Thanks guys - it was said to me in kindness I think. But it hit me hard
Yes i do want people to like me and this is something I am working on
I think i am lovely too! But yes can be forthright and out spoken (which I am working on) somthat's what he probably meant but hey fuck the lot of them right?!l

I need to stop seeking approval i am 44!
I am going though a breakup at the moment so feeling extra sensitive

OP’s posts: |
Notverybright Mon 15-Jun-20 07:33:35

I think lockdown has us all over examining every interaction that we ever had too op. Hope you get over the breakup soon flowers

Ardessa Mon 15-Jun-20 07:43:06

Isn't it terrible in this day and age, how people don't like forthright, straightforward and outspoken people. Those that tend to jump on other people's bandwagons with beliefs, because they are too scared to stand behind and own their own opinions.
I agree, this person is being quite passive aggressive and I would have said 'I am lovely actually and was it you who misunderstood me at the beginning or was it someone else?'

Waveysnail Mon 15-Jun-20 10:06:50

Who was it?
What situation?

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