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So exhausted and feel dreadful

(6 Posts)
Granolaslice Sun 14-Jun-20 20:44:33

I’m absolutely exhausted. Physically and mentally. How and why does anyone decide to have another child a second or third time?

I mean I know everything is intensified because of semi lockdown and the virus.
I feel like my current life is constant rounds of making meals, washing up, planning meals, food shopping, housework and things still look dirty and rubbish.
Usually my DS (20 months old) would have breakfast and lunch at his grandparents or nursery, depending where he was that day and the other days he’d have it with me.
At the weekends and some weekday evenings we’d have lunch/dinner with my in laws. They’d also take him out for walks, read to him and entertain him, which gave us a break too. Now that’s all non existent.
I haven’t seen my parents in over 6 months as they live down about 5 hours drive away and if we see each other we need to stay somewhere or vice versa.
We’re all booked to go away at the end of July to Devon. It hasn’t been cancelled yet, but who knows.

To top off my exhaustion today, DS pooed and it leaked out of his nappy and onto the sofa 😢 it’s all got to go into the wash now and I’ll let spend the rest of the evening running up and down stairs to settle him as he can’t self settle.

My DP does do his fair share of things, but he’s also working from home. He cooks the meal every other night, but during that time my DS wants constant attention, so I can’t even relax and do what I want then. He also puts him to bed, but instead of relaxing, I end up doing washing, cleaning etc that I haven’t managed to do in the day.

I’m also not sleeping properly.
I feel like I get no time to myself and the house looks horrible. The carpets always look filthy too.

I just keep wondering if this is life now, will things ever be normal again? Having a 20 month old toddler is hard enough but with the Covid stuff on top?
I just hate my life 😢

OP’s posts: |
Awwlookatmybabyspider Sun 14-Jun-20 20:53:01

Firstly don't be worrying about the house being a mess. Your son isn't going to be little and demanding for ever. There's plenty of time to be house proud.
At The moment you have to prioritize. With the best will in the world you can only do what you can do.

Granolaslice Sun 14-Jun-20 22:23:27

Thanks. I just feel so tired.

OP’s posts: |
ArabSprings Sun 14-Jun-20 22:33:18

Hang in there OP! I would think anyone who didn’t feel like this from time to time is lying. You must be doing an absolutely brilliant job, just try to do something nice for yourself whenever you can. 20 months is not the easiest age. In many respects they do get easier. And I had a second and third despite never sleeping well! You’ll get there flowers

DisgraceToTheYChromosome Sun 14-Jun-20 22:53:25

This too will pass. It's relentless right mow, but it won't always be. flowers

Stuckforthefourthtime Sun 14-Jun-20 23:21:08

Does he nap? How much is he sleeping at night? I have 4, the youngest just a little younger than yours, and find that once you can kiss them goodnight and walk out (even if there are a couple of short trips back for kisses afterwards). the world feels like a much sunnier place. For me that always happened when I stopped bfing during the night, but know that others have different experiences.

As for the rest, are you also working? If not, what of the washing and cleaning you mention can be done when DS is awake? In my experience it's a good age to get them stuck in, at that age they can help take clean things out of the dishwasher, tidy up toys as you play, 'help' with dusting and hoovering, it fills up time and can be fun, plus there's less to do at the end of the day. We used to have a cleaner but on lockdown I've done 30-40 mins intense clean 5 times a week via the Organised Mum Method. A bit boring but it does work! You mention your carpets are filthy, why? Is it shoes in the house? Food everywhere?(I hate this and my kids at the table or in the back garden for a picnic, but I'm lucky that they're all big eaters, I know that rule is harder to enforce when you're worried about a child not eating enough). Most reasons should be fixable, the shake and vac stuff helps a lot then you can keep it clean

For the cooking and meal planning, do you all eat together? If not, definitely do as it saves SO much time! We all eat together at 5.45/6ish now, it's earlier than I'd like but not forever and it gives night back. if you're meal planning, for three of you, you should easily be able to make double or even triple servings, so that you're say cooking 3 nights a week, reheating 3 nights a week, and then doing a takeaway/oven pizza/eggs on toast one night a week, it saves a lot of time.

Last one is you mention getting a break. What does this mean to you? Are you missing couple time or time to yourself? If it's couple time, then sorting the cleaning and setting.a date night could help. If it's solo time, can your DH take your dd out after breakfast, with a packed snack and lunch, and go on an all-morning adventure, while you sleep/walk outside with friends/ do nothing at all? You won't know yourself 😉 How is he feeling? Does he know how you feel? This time is hard for everyone, communication really helps.

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