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Social media and friendships

(10 Posts)
AprilMay89 Sun 14-Jun-20 20:26:54

I've noticed over the past 18 months, I've lost a number of friends. By 'lost' I mean our relationships have nose-dived from close to sort of stilted. All from different parts of my life, none knew each other.

I'm wracking my brains and driving myself mad trying to work out why so many friendships are fizzling out.

I have a few friends who I have remained close to, and there doesn't seem to be any issues in those friendships.

This got me thinking...I'm not active on social media, I only have one account and I don't post on it. This makes me wonder if maybe we need to be active on social media to maintain some friendships?

I think if people are friends on Facebook, they have a front row seat into someone life, so we stay in touch easily. People are maybe more likely to post something on their wall than to contact friends, and then it can be liked/reacted to and it keeps people in each other's lives.

Some people might need that specific kind of interaction to keep a friendship going and I've obviously been bad at providing that.

I'm not immune to the idea that it's a 'it's me not them' situation and I've lost friends for valid reasons, but it also keeps coming back to me that if I had a Facebook account, all the things I am hearing about friends through the people we both know (small town) I would have known, I could have reacted to, and maybe my friends would feel I care more. I had Facebook, I deactivated it for reasons unrelated to friendship issues etc - I was just spending too much time on it. It could look like I've distance myself.

I'm probably rambling, and I'm definitely over thinking, but am curious if anyone thinks their presence, or lack of presence on social media has affected their friendships? Do some friendships need that connection on Facebook etc to be maintained?

OP’s posts: |
BackforGood Sun 14-Jun-20 22:58:21

It depends on the friendship.
I have people who - because I see their things on FB each week and they see mine, that friendship is maintained when I don't see them regularly.

OTOH, I have some long standing friends that there have been periods in our lives when we've not met up for 4 or 5 years, and then we just pick up as if we saw each other yesterday.

There's no hard and fast rule.

Dylaninthemovies1 Sun 14-Jun-20 22:59:32

To be honest, the last few months have been dreadful for keeping up with people. I’ve been awful at it as I’m just trying my best to keep the family going

jakeyboy1 Sun 14-Jun-20 23:15:56

I almost think the opposite. I think some people are lazy because of social media and assume they know what is going on in your life and therefore put less effort into a friendship.

WhittlingWinnie Mon 15-Jun-20 01:13:36

I totally agree with Jakeyboy1
I quit facebook years ago and find friends seek me out more now and we have a proper catch up and they now inform me of events not just assume I'll see them on social media.
On the other hand though I have definitely waned from others but not proper friends .

letmethinkaboutitfornow Mon 15-Jun-20 06:35:07

I think you are way over think it and you sound very insecure 😟
We had a pandemic going around which has tested a lot of (fake, social media) friendships
Vale the friends you have now rather than worry about the ones who you ‘lost’ 😔

letmethinkaboutitfornow Mon 15-Jun-20 06:35:23

*value

redcarbluecar Mon 15-Jun-20 07:02:49

FB has certainly enabled me to maintain (even strengthen) quite a few friendships that might otherwise have drifted off. Even when you haven’t got time/inclination for a more substantial contact, it’s very easy to give someone a like, a comment or a happy birthday and those small, light things keep the connections alive.
But that’s me. It’s not for everyone, and I know people who really dislike FB and other forms of SM- they don’t have fewer friends than other people; they just invest their energy into other ways of keeping in contact. I do think that maintaining friendship has to be quite a proactive thing, however you choose to do it.

HelloDulling Mon 15-Jun-20 07:08:55

I do know what you mean, and think you have a point. At least with the superficial friends, I can keep an eye on what’s going on with them and maintain a relationship. With my closer friends, FB makes no difference. In fact none of my close friends are big posters on SM.

What did your friendships used to look like, and how has that changed? Have you stoped ringing for a chat? Stopped meeting for lunch?

AprilMay89 Mon 15-Jun-20 12:57:28

Such an interesting point jakeyboy

@HelloDullingthanks for your reply.
It's a good question. The example for one friend I can give is through 2018 we talked every few months, with both of us making equal first contact. This started to taper off, so if I messaged her she was quite stilted - rather than 'let's meet' or similar - which was our usual pattern, it would be very distant and she would end the conversation in a strangely formal way, possibly implying 'don't respond'. I don't know what changed in a year / year and a half, no row or unpleasant exchange, just good friends one year, tapered off the next.

I should probably just let it go

Thanks for replies, very interesting

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