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To wonder if anyone knows any gay men who fell for a woman?

(77 Posts)
Magicra84 Sun 14-Jun-20 13:25:13

I love my best friend who is gay. He's amazing and we click so well. I'm pretty sure he feels the same way but because I cant be 100% certain, I can't do anything about it.

Does anyone know of any gay men who've ended up with women?

OP’s posts: |
jobhunter7 Sun 14-Jun-20 13:30:05

Tom Robinson

Shoxfordian Sun 14-Jun-20 13:31:51

He doesn't love you in the same way unless he's bisexual not gay

Riojasmoothy Sun 14-Jun-20 13:33:24

He probably does feel the same in that he loves you and thinks you are amazing but in a totally platonic way.
If you want to keep your friend then look elsewhere for love flowers

Lockheart Sun 14-Jun-20 13:34:38

If he's gay then he won't be with you. There's no point hanging around hoping.

If he's bisexual then maybe. But the only way to find out is to tell him how you feel.

nevermorelenore Sun 14-Jun-20 13:35:18

Sorry, but no. I do know how you feel, because I had a gay friend who I was very close to and at times, it felt like he was into me. But a lot of gay guys can be quite flirty with straight women without there being any romantic intentions behind it.

Try to enjoy the friendship for what it is.

Gammeldragz Sun 14-Jun-20 13:35:26

He may be attracted to you as a person but I can't imagine it would make a successful long term relationship. You'd always wonder if you were enough and he may not feel like he's happy in himself.
I knew DH's twin brother from work, before we got together and was convinced he fancied me, then when DH and I started seeing each other I found out he's gay. He's never been attracted to a woman (not even me!), we just got on really well.

CoffeeRunner Sun 14-Jun-20 13:35:44

I agree. He probably does love you. But unless he’s bisexual, it will be in a purely platonic way.

Has he ever been in a relationship with a woman?

SarahAndQuack Sun 14-Jun-20 13:36:53

Yes, there have been a few gay men who'd ended up with women in several of the LGBT societies I've known (obviously by that point they'd accepted they couldn't force themselves to be straight). Very sad for them and for their wives.

idontsmokeivape Sun 14-Jun-20 13:38:10

Be grateful you know he is gay (and that you won't find out 20 years into a marriage) and stop playing pretend. Find yourself a man who is attracted to women.

Olliephaunt4eyes Sun 14-Jun-20 13:38:30

I know a couple, yes. Anecdotally, a friend of mine who is very involved with some bisexual groups says that a significant percentage of people involved are men who initially identified as gay. There is a huge pressure on men who are attracted to other men who come out as gay - bisexual is seen as a 'fake' or 'transitory' identity, some women absolutely won't accept a bisexual partner and it's relatively common for a young guy to come out as bisexual and basically be told by a female partner 'no - you're gay' or be dumped in a way that gives them the message that women won't accept them in a relationship.

It's not universal, but that's the stuff I've heard from multiple people and some bisexual guys do end up just deciding its simpler to self define as 'gay' as they aren't then getting shit from both male and female partners.

Plus there is a definite phenomenon of both men and women who are normally into one sex, but find one person who is an exception. I know a couple of women-women couples like that - one woman was always straight and then met this one woman - and I know one guy who has said he thinks of himself as 80% gay but has been in love and sexually attracted to a woman although that relationship didn't work out for other reasons and he's not fancied a woman since.

Sexuality is complicated.

WhoWants2Know Sun 14-Jun-20 13:38:58

I have known gay men who sort of dabble in the occasional straight relationship, but it never lasts.

TwistinMyMelon Sun 14-Jun-20 13:45:21

I don't know why but I have been good friends with a few gay men who have developed feelings for me. I even ended up having drunken sex with one. But to be honest I think to him I was just some kind of experiment. He may be curious but if he is really gay I don't think there is any future for a relationship.

BeltaneBride Sun 14-Jun-20 13:46:28

A good friend of mine is gay and one of his long term relationships was with a guy who left him for a woman. They have stayed friends and he is godfather to his ex's eldest child (of three!)

MorganKitten Sun 14-Jun-20 13:53:57

I know gay men and women who have sex with the opposite sex, either out of boredom, being horny or wanting a child.

WaitingForSeptember Sun 14-Jun-20 14:05:07

* I'm pretty sure he feels the same way*

What makes you say that? Do you have any evidence or just a hopeful hunch?

merryhouse Sun 14-Jun-20 14:16:30

Could you while drunk ask him (in a spirit of enquiry) whether he's ever fancied a woman, maybe just a teeny little bit? (Throw in any thoughts about women you've ever wondered about snogging, just to get the ball rolling.) If he recoils in horror at the mere idea, back off. If he goes all coy, that's your cue.

IsadoraQuagmire Sun 14-Jun-20 14:19:44

Yes, several, three that I can think of. One a close friend, and the other two people I knew slightly, really more friends of friends, but I did speak to them about it. All of them had identified as completely gay since they were children, and all were shocked and horrified to be attracted (both sexually and romantically) to a woman for the first time.
I told all of them it wasn't a big deal and sexuality isn't set in stone (I couldn't see the problem, I've known I was attracted to both sexes since I was five)
Also, I've spoken to other girls who had always identified as solely same sex attracted, then found themselves attracted to a man and none of THEM thought it was the end of the world, they just had a boyfriend for a while.
People like their labels too much confused

SerenDippitty Sun 14-Jun-20 14:24:35

I've read about people in "one off" same sex relationships who say that if they ever split up they would go back to dating the opposite sex.

IsadoraQuagmire Sun 14-Jun-20 14:30:34

In the examples I gave in my post, incidentally, all these people are early to mid 20s. I don't know if that makes any difference? But I do think people are often determined to stick with their identify of gay or straight for whatever reason, when, if it were more regarded as the norm, they would be more open to relationships with both sexes.

Greydove28 Sun 14-Jun-20 14:37:12

Not really op. I think you need to find someone else sad

KaronAVyrus Sun 14-Jun-20 14:39:59

It must be pretty rare. Stop wasting your time - he’s gay.

Quarantimespringclean Sun 14-Jun-20 14:53:42

I only know it the other way round. A straight man in his late 20s fell for and eventually married my brother. They’ve been together nearly 25 years now and he still maintains he isn’t gay, he just happened to fall in love with another man.

VettiyaIruken Sun 14-Jun-20 14:58:08

I know a bisexual man who had had relationships with men and then a relationship with a woman.

But gay? No. Gay is gay. If he is gay he won't ever want you in that way.

MyShinyWhiteTeeth Sun 14-Jun-20 15:19:09

I've known a gay man who has been in love sequentially with several women but only had regular sex with men he didn't seem to feel much for emotionally. He gets drunk and has sex with women friends on occasion but that seemed more scratching an itch with the nearest available body. He told me he could be physically turned on by a woman but he'd be imagining them as a man.

He would have very deep emotional connections to his female friends but once things went a bit further then the friendships would mostly sour. I think his female friends would be hoping for more and end up feeling used. He would flirt with them but he didn't want anything more.

He's never had a long term monogamous relationship with another man and doesn't seem interested in having one. He has lived with several women who he's loved.

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