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To find dh a bit boring?

(13 Posts)
Ifeelfat Sun 14-Jun-20 10:22:15

This will be most relevant to women in their 50s with partners 10 years or so older than them.
Lovely morning yesterday where we are. Having walked ddog I got home and wanted to do something, go out somewhere, anything really other than just sit in the sun (again) and read 🙄
I know lockdown is exacerbating this, but I’m beginning to find him a bit ... boring. He used to want to be out and about being busy and interested, but as he’s getting older he has less energy I suppose. He still goes for runs, goes to work, and does jobs around the house etc, it’s just the ‘extras’, the interesting bits, he can’t be bothered with anymore.
It’s only going to get worse isn’t it?

OP’s posts: |
Neverender Sun 14-Jun-20 10:40:58

Can't you do it on your own?

user8558 Sun 14-Jun-20 10:43:11

I don't think this is an age thing... I think once we've been with our partners for many years - we are just a little bored of them?

Genuine question though - what interesting extras are available at the moment really anyway?

vanillandhoney Sun 14-Jun-20 10:46:50

But everything's closed - so what do you want to do, exactly?

I'd love to go on one of our usual days out but given everything we normally do is shut, it would be a bit pointless!

GinDaddyRedux Sun 14-Jun-20 10:57:27

Exercise for the mind is as relevant in these times as getting your body out and about moving.

Saturdaysnotforexercise Sun 14-Jun-20 11:04:19

What in particular does he no longer want to do? And yes, a 10 year age gap means as you both age it will become more noticeable as all the frailties of old age will be seen in him first

arethereanyleftatall Sun 14-Jun-20 11:07:16

Honestly? I'm afraid with a ten year age gap, this was always going to be a potential problem. The key might be to finding stuff to do on your own, or with others; otherwise you'll start to resent him. (After lockdown)

user8558 Sun 14-Jun-20 11:10:24

I think if you find him a bit boring, it would be an idea to just go out and do said thing alone. I bloody love my alone time.

But what, other than a walk or a drive, can you really go and do?

maddiemookins16mum Sun 14-Jun-20 11:20:08

I’m 55, DP is nearly 58. Our lives are actually quite dull and we’ve recognised this more since lockdown. So last Sunday we got a game out, turned the TV off, put our iPads away and spent two hours playing. It was the best fun we’ve had in months. We talked, we laughed aloud.
Tonight, we’re going for a drive up to a beauty spot where you can see for miles with a blanket and flask of coffee to watch the sunset. We spend too long on screens 🙁, at work and the mundane house stuff. We know we need to ‘get out more’ literally, as it’s all just boring.

TeaAndBrie Sun 14-Jun-20 11:29:59

There's plenty of things that you can still do, you just need to be a but inventive.
Some cafes/pubs etc are doing takeaway service. You could get a picnic hamper and go to the beach/park/woods etc.
I think what the OP is saying more is that he wasn't even keen to want to something different rather than what that activity was.

Ifeelfat Sun 14-Jun-20 12:34:44

Tea yes exactly, I can think of many things in our beautiful county I’d like to do, it’s just not sit in our back garden.
I can go alone, I walk dogs for a couple of hours alone every day, I’d just like to do something with him.
I think, though, sadly, it will happen more as we get older. I’ll have to go with friends when lockdown eases.

OP’s posts: |
MissSmiley Sun 14-Jun-20 13:28:43

@Ifeelfat I completely get you, my DH is 60, I'm 47, we separated three years ago and this was one of the main reasons, had been together 20 odd years, I'm with someone my own age now and they are much more lively, it's not just age though, my ex is a big introvert and just likes being at home

TempestHayes Sun 14-Jun-20 18:07:47

It just happens. The only solution is to keep living your own life. Join a walker's group for walks, or go with a friend. Before lockdown, I would go to bars/restaurants with friends, the cinema and theatre alone or with my mum, took some short city breaks alone, learned a language and went to classes/groups for that, nowadays it's walks and bike rides by myself, reading etc.

You can't change people. It's exhausting trying.

A possible benefit of seeing you living your life and enjoying yourself doing interesting things is that the DH decides to come along. However, what's more common is the DH responds spitefully with mean comments about 'why' you enjoy things and 'why' you can't just stay at home and be boring too, or 'leaving him out'. So be prepared for it to go one of two ways.

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