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who gets dog back?

(56 Posts)
nonamex3 Sun 14-Jun-20 08:37:53

name changed for this as it is potentially outing.

I know a couple who last year had to give up beloved dog as he became increasingly distressed when he was left on his own and both worked full time jobs. they also had a young baby and the dog had started to become aggressive (he had always been the "baby" and I think jealousy had a role though in hindsight this could of been due to him starting to get unwell but a trip to the vet picked up on nothing) dog went to someone they know so were able to keep in touch with dog.

anyway fast forward 11 months to now and sadly poor dog had a massive stroke that he did not recover from and had to be put down. person who took dog on has asked for contribution towards the cremation - previous owners have asked for the dogs ashes back.

this has caused a massive row as new owner wants to keep the ashes. previous owner is devastated citing that they had dog for 10 years vs them for 11 months and that whilst he will be forever grateful they took the dog on when he no longer could he desperately wants his ashes back. I think part of the desperation is the previous owner has always felt such guilt that he couldn't keep him even though it was the fairest thing on the dog and the safest thing for the baby.

I'm really not sure - new owner claims it's his dog now so he keeps the ashes whereas previous owner is in bits saying he brought him up, had him far far longer and is being expected to cover over half of the money for him to be cremated and that this is not fair.

what do we think?

OP’s posts: |
FamilyOfAliens Sun 14-Jun-20 08:41:15

Each pay half and each get half the ashes?

RedHelenB Sun 14-Jun-20 08:41:26

I think they could be split? Or use a pet crematorium with both contributing to costs?

Addler Sun 14-Jun-20 08:42:35

The new owner should get the ashes. He wasn't their dog anymore. But also the new owner shouldn't ask for or expect a contribution to the cremation cost. If you own a dog, you pay the costs associated with them.

Soubriquet Sun 14-Jun-20 08:43:11

The fact that the new owner asked for contributions means the ashes should be split between the two people.

LindaLovesCake Sun 14-Jun-20 08:44:14

I think the sakes should be scattered by both sets of owners at a place the dog enjoyed going to.

I don’t think the old owners should pay towards the cremation. The new owners took response for the dog when they took the dog. If the dog had won first prize in a beauty contest or saved a kitten from drowning in a paddling pool would they have asked for half the reward?

makingmammaries Sun 14-Jun-20 08:44:38

This is a pretty weird dilemma. I love my dogs but no thank you to the ashes. If they insist then they could split the ashes, though that is weird too, or agree to scatter them together in a place the dog loved.

ImFreeToDoWhatIWant Sun 14-Jun-20 08:46:51

On the face of it this is very simple indeed. Previous owner had no right to the ashes especially if not paying, however new owner has no right to ask for a contribution if they want to keep all the ashes. Previous owner could offer half the money for a written agreement to receive half the ashes. But if be surprised if new owner sticks to it tbh. I think previous owner needs to find his peace without relying on the ashes if possible.

Twooter Sun 14-Jun-20 08:47:25

Surely you can just pay half each and go together on his favourite walk and scatter them there.

steff13 Sun 14-Jun-20 08:49:01

I guess they could split the cost and the ashes. But, my inclination is the new owner pays for the cremation and keeps the ashes.

Allnamesaregone Sun 14-Jun-20 08:49:16

New owner pays for and gets the ashes. If old owners want half the ashes they pay for half. It’s unfair of new owner to ask for a contribution that old owners don’t benefit from.

It’s worth noting that when a pet changes hands like this, a nominal payment of £1 should be made with a signed receipt issued. It confirms ownership and prevents legal disputes in the future.

Dumbie Sun 14-Jun-20 08:49:19

New owner gets ashes. New owner should NOT be asking for contribution though. Weird to do that

nonamex3 Sun 14-Jun-20 08:50:53

I agree it's a weird one, I dont think they even thought about what would happen to the ashes until new owner mentioned he was in financial difficulty and mentioned a financial contribution from previous owner.

previous owner has now said he wants to pay all of it and have him back. not sure what new owner is going to say to this

I've tried asking if one of them would maybe keep his collar (I have my dogs collar 14 years down the line still and it's a lovely thing to have). its nice for poor dog that he had so many people who clearly adored him but I think it's sad its come to this - by the sounds of it, a blazing row ensued yesterday

OP’s posts: |
Twooter Sun 14-Jun-20 08:51:25

Did they have an agreement re split vet fees when they transferred ownership of the dog?
Personally, as the new owners, I would let the old owners have the ashes, but I would expect them to pay the whole cost.

nonamex3 Sun 14-Jun-20 08:52:32

new owner does not want to scatter sadly - I also suggests this. I have also, gently, tried to tell previous owner there is not much he can do if new owner wants to keep the ashes but he doesn't need to contribute money

OP’s posts: |
VettiyaIruken Sun 14-Jun-20 08:53:11

Whoever pays gets the ashes.

nonamex3 Sun 14-Jun-20 08:53:21

I think I would give back to previous owners if they paid fully too

OP’s posts: |
nonamex3 Sun 14-Jun-20 08:53:56

I do appreciate how strange this situation is but it has caused some serious tension so appreciate all your thoughts!

OP’s posts: |
YouDirtyMare Sun 14-Jun-20 08:58:51

The new owner should
The old owner should be forever grateful that they gave the dog a home and respect their wishes

Carolbaskinstiger Sun 14-Jun-20 08:59:53

This is a bit of an odd one really. Usually if you cannot afford to cremate you, well, bury (my parents garden is a veritable pet cemetery with bloody dogs, cats, gerbils, fish etc). So am surprised he hasn’t gone down that route - which would actually be harder.

Ashes can be split, so not sure why the drama. Both can have a set to either keep or scatter as they see fit.

nonamex3 Sun 14-Jun-20 09:00:15

I agree new owner gets final say but I dont necessarily agree that they should be asking for a financial contribution

OP’s posts: |
Ponoka7 Sun 14-Jun-20 09:01:28

I think the new owner pays in full and gets to keep the ashes.

I think feelings are running high and clouding things.

Ideally they should pay half and split. But with a new baby and life moving on to the point that they gave the dog away, will they really care about this in a few years? I say that as someone who still misses their dog and I've got ashes of dead human relatives, because I don't know what to do with them.

Are they related or good friends? This is going to cause an unnecessary split and they need to take a step back.

So split costs and ashes, or new owner gets on with their plans.

Carolbaskinstiger Sun 14-Jun-20 09:02:04

Also for my last dog we actually had several paperweights made up of her ashes so that me and dh had a set and so did my parents (we had owned her and then parents had so she really was the “family” dog.

LovingLola Sun 14-Jun-20 09:03:41

How much did the cremation cost?

dontdisturbmenow Sun 14-Jun-20 09:03:45

They gave the dog away, they can't pick and choose.

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