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To say no to demanding ex

(8 Posts)
Rosetree30 Sun 14-Jun-20 08:15:27

Over the years my sons dad has been involved in his life but very much on his terms and when it suits him and expects me to agree on what he wants because I am expected to be understanding of his work life. His view is also that i should not make future plans for holidays, weekends away, days out etc without consulting him first incase he wants our son that week!

Last year I had reached a point where I had enough of this, he produced a list of dates over 2/3 month period he wanted to see his son - I know these timings are based on the time with his girlfriend and then seeing my son fitting around this, although this is under the disguise as working away. One of the weeks he gave working abroad as a reason he couldn’t see him I drove past him in our home town, another time he cancelled plans with a work excuse, a friend looked on his social media and saw his was posting pictures on holiday abroad with his girlfriend.

This is where it comes to the present. He hasn’t been in touch with myself or our son for months, not a word. My sons attempts to txt him have gone ignored. During this time he also cancelled his maintenance payment without a word. He has recently got back in touch all this time with a message basically telling me he will be seeing his son this week.

For me it’s come to a point where it needs have something official in place. Has anyone on here dealt with anything similar?

AIBU to say no to contact until an agreement can be made?

OP’s posts: |
Allthebestusernameshavegone Sun 14-Jun-20 08:21:08

YANBU. He can’t be bothered to make an effort for months and then expects you drop everything at the drop of a hat to accommodate him. That’s not on.
I would tell him that you will not be accommodating this anymore and that he should take you to court. Your son deserves better than this. Also go through CMS!

Sally872 Sun 14-Jun-20 08:24:44

Yes you need an arrangement for access that works for your son. And maintenance. Yanbu.

Darcy19 Sun 14-Jun-20 08:27:33

Your son deserves better than to be an afterthought in his Dads life. A formal agreement is better and more consistent for your son. How could he not even reply to your sons texts?!

CharmerLlama Sun 14-Jun-20 08:29:03

Of course YANBU. He can't ignore his son for months and then come back and start calling the shots. And no to his demands that you should not book holidays, days out or weekends away. Flexibility is a two way thing. Get a proper access order in place and make sure you sort out official maintenance payments with CMS.

Mintjulia Sun 14-Jun-20 08:29:30

What would your son like to happen?

Rosetree30 Sun 14-Jun-20 08:48:15

He wouldn’t even open the messages. My son realised his messages has been delivered to his phone and was questioning why he was being ignored by his dad, he even asked me if he was dead. His dads excuse was he only just saw the messages last week - the first message was sent in April. There’s always and excuse and he’s the victim.

Well things have been difficult between them over the years, at times my son has been very upset by him and not wanted to see him then at times he can have fun and enjoy his time with him. I think as he’s growing up now his attitude towards his dad is a bit take it or leave it.

OP’s posts: |
Ponoka7 Sun 14-Jun-20 08:51:08

So your Son is of an age were he can decide?

You need to consult with him, not posters on a forum.

What is your Son saying in regards to seeing his Dad again?

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