DH sends messages

[Jaemoon]

Hi, I wanted to get a sense of how bad this is. DH has a Facebook account that he doesn’t post any updates or pics on or anything, however he uses the Messenger app to message people he went to school/college/university and their connections. The messages are typically:

• saying something controversial to get a reaction
  
• pretending to people he went to university with that he has a completely different job (I.e. has a professional finance role but tells people he works in a factory)
  
• pretends he’s not married
  
• asking to borrow money from someone who can ill afford it (DH doesn’t need money at all).
  
• spams 20 people he doesn’t really know at a time about a recent event (e.g. football match score)
  

We have had some issues and went to Relate for these. I mentioned that I found his messaging very odd but the counsellor dismissed it because he said he does it out of boredom. I think it’s indicative of other issues with him (he is insecure but also feels superior to the people he messages). Does anyone have experience of this? My AIBU is that I think his behaviour is unreasonable. Do you agree? Thanks

[UnfinishedSymphon]

Unreasonable and fucking weird, have YOU asked him why he does this?

[bigchris]

Points 2, 3 and 4 would be enough for me to leave

Actually just the pretending not to be married is a deal breaker for me, presumably he'd be hooking up if he could?

[skybluee]

Asking to borrow money from people who can ill afford it really isn't on, especially if he's telling them he works in a lower paid job (presumably) than he does. Some people would lend it out of the goodness of their heart and place themselves in a worse position. I know i would go further into my overdraft to help a friend.

[MojoMoon]

It's super weird.

It's not normal to behave like that.

[Ponoka7]

He's a twat isn't he?

I'd struggle to find him attractive in anyway.

[LockdownLump]

Yanbu to think his behaviour is strange.

I find it a bit creepy to be perfectly honest.

[DonLewis]

Er, he's a liar. A weird ass liar.

If course its indicative of something else: that he's a weird liar.

[EllaAlright]

That is weird. Why do you think he does this?

[Sparklesocks]

What do you think could be spurring this on, does he get some sort of kick out of lying to people or winding them up? If he’s doing this on fb I bet he’s doing it on other sites too. God only knows what else he’s saying...he might be a troll for all you know.

[Cambionome]

WTAF??!!
There is something seriously wrong with him if he is behaving like this.

[NagaisAce]

I'm sorry but those examples would really make me question who I was married to.
None of that is attractive,funny,entertaining,kind,thoughtful or interesting behaviour. Its annoying at best but also quite worrying about his mental health. Why does he want to behave like s teenager?
Was does he say when you ask him why he does it?

[Ughmaybenot]

That’s really very strange. As in, I’m wondering, is something else going on here?
I can’t believe you even have to ask.

[Anydreamwilldo12]

Totally bloody weird, he's a weirdo.

[nancyjuice7]

Is it a control thing? Does he like to have power over these people in the conversations?

Like listening to the person who can't afford to lend him money explain why
Or
Like listening to the person be happy for him he works in a factory when secretly he knows he has a higher paying job?


Very odd and needs sorting out with therapy. Until then I'd tell him delete the account or get out

[tara66]

Possibly verging on the criminal behaviour out of boredom.

[Jaemoon]

Thanks everyone. Yes, I’ve asked why he does this, he says it’s out of boredom. Yes, he’s a twat and I am just getting together the will to leave him. There are so many other issues and I know I need to leave. The unanimous reaction Is really helping.

[tara66]

As in fraud I meant to add.

[SunbathingDragon]

None of those are qualities I would find redeeming in a partner and together, I would also be leaving him.

I hope you get your will together to go very soon and I’m sure you’ll be much happier once you are well shot of him.

[Sparklesocks]

I’m sorry OP, it must be so hard. It does suggest a malicious element to him (particularly the borrowing money one) which I would really struggle to live with.

[bananaorange]

God he sounds unhinged. I'd be embarrassed for him. What an idiot.

[TheGirlWithAPrince]

Your Dh sounds really weird :S i cant imagine why a grown man feels the need to do those things ....

[AfterSchoolWorry]

Very bizarre behavior.

[tara66]

If you are saying he has a "professional financial role" - these jobs require a high degree of trust and he could lose his job of his employers find out about this behaviour.

[Jaemoon]

Thanks you Sunbathing and Sparklesocks and to everyone who responded.

My self-esteem and confidence are rock bottom.

He is malicious I think. The stress is causing me night terrors and sometimes I sleep walk. The other night while sleep walking in the middle of the night but semi conscious I thought I needed to leave the house and instead of telling me to go back to bed, he encouraged me to go out. That’s one example of other behaviour.